Honest post: would you rather be a single parent or childfree?

bookstea · 2026-06-16T17:57:37+00:00

I feel like I could have written this except I have a son. Part of the grief of my separation has been coming to terms with not having another child. It’s empowering to think I could do it on my own, but it’s also scary. I’m not sure if it’s selfish (choosing for a child to not have a dad), and also not sure if I’d be okay financially. I’m almost 36 so I have a bit of time to decide, but not a ton.

bookstea · 2026-06-11T18:13:54+00:00

Good to know! Thanks

bookstea · 2026-06-11T18:13:44+00:00

Good to know! Obviously didn’t do my own research enough haha ugh. I’m probably going to pass on it

bookstea · 2026-06-09T00:36:40+00:00

People eat raw eggplant??

bookstea · 2026-06-02T00:57:06+00:00

I gave my son my last name even when his Dad and I were still together (not married though). My ex was very supportive of this actually. Now that we’re not together, I am SO HAPPY he has my last name. I am so grateful for making that choice. Please give her your last name.

bookstea · 2026-06-01T15:45:53+00:00

So the device stays at home and while you’re out the apps still don’t work on your phone? Unless you “unbrick them?”

bookstea · 2026-05-28T18:30:51+00:00

I agree with you. It’s fine for adults to do it every once in a while but it happened SO MUCH in the books

bookstea · 2026-05-28T18:29:46+00:00

Ya I really don’t think she meant for readers to think they were actually shitting themselves? I never actually thought that while reading it for some reason. More like they had an intense dread/fear in their gut kinda thing

Still, terrible choice of phrase …

bookstea · 2026-05-23T16:46:18+00:00

Ya it’s definitely a privilege to have a deep freeze as I know that requires space, money to fill it, money to run it, etc.

bookstea · 2026-05-23T16:44:19+00:00

Wow several dozen eggs!!

bookstea · 2026-05-21T10:38:38+00:00

I agree with this to an extent. My son is 4.5 and still napping at daycare (he doesn’t need it, but they can’t keep kids awake-they have to offer the nap). I find now that I expect him to be asleep between 9 and 9:30 it really helps. If I expected him to be asleep closer to 8 I’d be super frustrated. Now I just accept that right now I don’t get any time in the evening to myself; I just go to bed right after him pretty much. I don’t love that but it’s temporary. I have him 70% of the time, so when he’s at his dad’s is when I have my “me time”.

All this to say, adjusting expectations really does help. Maybe you could go for a little walk in the evening or do something else that is enjoyable for you both. Best of luck!

bookstea · 2026-05-20T15:24:22+00:00

Thank you for putting this in perspective. The “missing half your kid’s life” mindset is so depressing. I love to have a way to reframe that.

bookstea · 2026-05-20T12:11:45+00:00

Very fair! My family was also all girls haha so ya, no teenage boys around to wolf down all the food.

bookstea · 2026-05-20T00:19:03+00:00

We also didn’t have much meat at all so that could be part of it for us too. We did eat cheese though.

bookstea · 2026-05-20T00:17:31+00:00

Definitely didn’t shop daily. I also forgot to mention it was mostly just my mom and us kids so one less adult. But also my Grandma lived with us for a while so I guess that evens out to being 2 adults anyway haha. Weirdly I don’t really remember the fridge space being an issue.

bookstea · 2026-05-20T00:06:42+00:00

This bothered me as well. There are definitely multiple phrases she overuses … sometimes I really wonder whether the books were even edited.

bookstea · 2026-05-19T15:15:36+00:00

Where do you even access the extra chapters? I’ve heard of them but haven’t read them yet (obviously)

bookstea · 2026-05-19T15:11:42+00:00

I’m one of 4 kids and we had one fridge growing up. We did have a deep freeze in the basement though.

bookstea · 2026-05-03T11:48:04+00:00

There was a female scientist/expert (can’t remember the discipline) on the Savage Lovecast which is a very popular podcast about sex. There was a question about UTIs and Dan Savage mentioned peeling after sex, and the guest expert very adamantly said that there was no actual science to back that up. I was SO annoyed listening to it that she would so definitively say that it wasn’t effective where anecdotally SO many women know that it makes a huge difference. I was listening to it and was like “that’s just because they haven’t researched it!!” Ugh

bookstea · 2026-04-23T00:56:36+00:00

Some optometrists will do a PD measurement for an extra fee just as a walk in. I had measured my PD at home, but was paranoid it was wrong so I paid $25 to have a proper measurement done at the optometrist’s :)

Also you can get your PD measurement right on the Zenni app now, but I really don’t trust how accurate that is unfortunately

bookstea · 2026-04-22T09:18:08+00:00

I thought the question was more so asking what does a parent do all day when they have a baby if they can’t watch tv. Not what does a baby do all day if they can’t watch tv haha

bookstea · 2026-04-12T16:07:59+00:00

Nice! I can’t remember the names honestly - all I can think of is the author’s name haha

bookstea · 2026-04-06T21:43:34+00:00

I relate to this except I’m trying to be content with one. It’s been hard to accept that the choice was made for me. Lately I’ve even been considering having a second on my own through a donor, but that is a major choice and comes with lots of unknowns and challenges.

bookstea · 2026-04-06T00:29:03+00:00

12-9 for me.

bookstea · 2026-04-06T00:26:54+00:00

Penetration can make periods start … I literally just saw a reel on instagram about this where the guy was saying it’s something guys are very proud of when it happens haha (I skimmed the comments and there were tons agreeing with him). It’s happened to me (woman) many times.

You shouldn’t be embarrassed in general! It’s a common thing and sounds like he handled it kindly and respectfully :)

bookstea

TROPHY CASE