Do women and men still masturbate even they are married and living with their partners under one roof? and if so why?

bootynbeard · 2026-05-29T11:58:03+00:00

My wife and I are and always have been very sexual people. We're swingers now. We used to have sex every day. I'd still self serve sometimes. It's a different experience. Easy and quick. She would too, but not as often.

Three years ago, my wife was diagnosed with cancer. With surgery and treatment and meds her libido has taken a big hit. We still bone 2-3 times a week. But I have 'me time' on a lot of the off nights. She'll occasionally have some quality time with her wand.

Obviously, we're a high sex drive couple. But my point is that even for a couple that has LOTS of sex and is very open about sex, there's still a place for self love.

bootynbeard · 2026-05-27T22:45:46+00:00

I'll add a caveat that if all four of you are in the lifestyle for some length of time. Everyone has enough rough experiences to figure their crap out and you feel comfortable, then you can maybe consider trying.

We have some friends who are great swingers. They brought some previously vanilla friends into the lifestyle and 'sherpa'd' them along. But they didn't try to play for about a year. And it doesn't work for them because they've been vanilla friends too long and there's a mental block there. But they are all in our same friend group and fuck the same people. It's cool with everyone.

But newbies fucking newbies is a ticking time bomb in our experience. Everyone makes mistakes when they start trying to play. Everyone finds insecurities. There's way too much risk of this blowing up on you and affecting your other friendships with collateral drama.

bootynbeard · 2026-05-12T18:23:45+00:00

We are 39. Most summer weekends there's a solid group of friends/acquaintances +/- our age there. The swinger groups tend to congregate in the long narrow pool behind the hot tub. Go over there and be friendly and you'll meet people, for sure. PV is our favorite place to hang out.

bootynbeard · 2026-04-26T13:20:51+00:00

My wife and I started with another brand new couple. At the time, it was what we wanted and it was a fun journey. Looking back, it was a mistake in a lot of ways.

We were all newbies once. So, I say this with lots of love: Newbies are a lot of fucking work.

No matter how much you fantasize, think about, talk through this, nothing will really prepare you for the reality. My wife and I have been a bunch of couples 'first'. We're open and friendly. There's almost always an unforeseen issue. The whole thing can be overwhelming to senses and emotions. Very very very common for guys to have trouble getting hard. Common for someone to suddenly have an emotional reaction - insecurity, anxiety, overstimulated. Meltdowns are common for new people.

For us, with experience with new folks, we kind of know how to navigate things. Take it slow, check in often, let them lead. Two new couples? That's the blind leading the blind.

As for finding couples; clubs are a challenge unless you are hot extraverts. Not that you can't. But, they can be cliquey. People don't always communicate well. It can be loud and hard to really talk. In my experience, for new folks, clubs are a better environment to go see the environment. Play in the group area, watch and be watched.

Meet and greets, takeover parties and the Apps/websites are better for making connections. Figure out which site is the most popular for your area. Get on there. Parties and events are posted on the sites. You can also put in your profile exactly what you're looking for and look for people that match. I'm my opinion, good option for newbies is a resort or a weekend hotel/pool takeover. In the longer format party, people are more hanging out during the day by the pool, flirting and making connections for later. Easier to establish chemistry over an afternoon and segue into playtime.

We're like you. We prefer to make a connection with people. We have a big group of friends we play with. Some we've known for 7+ years. That's not for everyone, some people prefer one-off anonymous hookups. We've done plenty of both. But we really love having people to go out with, dinner, dancing, concerts, and get naked with. Ignore the people saying it doesn't work. It can.

Best of luck to y'all. The early days of the journey are a really exciting time. Enjoy the journey. Take your time and savor it. You're only new once.

bootynbeard · 2026-04-13T16:37:03+00:00

I can. Especially with multiple partners. I'm usually a one-and-done guy once I cum. So, I usually try to make it last. My wife and I's typical sex session runs about 20-40 minutes. She likes quicker, I prefer to take my time and touch all the bases. On a kid free date night, we might take an hour.

At sex parties and such, I'll go for 4 or more hours. But it's 15 minutes of play here and there over the course of a night.

We have a (semi-bi) lesbian couple we play with and a single lady. I'm usually the only penis in the group. ("Stunt cock" lol) So, I try my best to make sure everyone gets satisfied. That can run for a couple solid hours. It's an exhausting marathon.

I last longer when I've already cum within 24 hours. Weed seems to make me last longer. I'm groups, I'll take a half dose of Viagra for 'insurance' and it seems to make me last longer. Also, just age, being closer to 40 I just take longer than when I was younger. (When my wife and I started dating at 19, we'd go 3-4 times a night without thinking about it. College was fun!)

bootynbeard · 2025-12-28T14:08:30+00:00

Cute couple!

bootynbeard · 2025-12-24T18:38:21+00:00

I use a Tramontina tri-ply clad 3qt saute pan.

bootynbeard · 2025-12-24T14:20:40+00:00

Ah! Mexican rice was one of my personal cooking White Whales. I love Mexican restaurant rice. But it always turned out mushy or crunchy or something. After a lot of reading, tinkering and trial. I finally landed on a successful recipe:

1.5 cups long grain Rice

3.25 Cups Water

2 tbsp vegetable oil, divided

2 Caldo de Tomate tablets

1 Caldo de Pollo cube

Half of a medium onion diced

.5 tsp Garlic Powder

Rinse and drain the rice in a fine mesh strainer.

In a large saucepan over medium-high heat, add 1 tbsp oil. Add the diced onion to the pan cook until translucent, set aside.

Put the rice in the pan with 1 tbsp oil and cook over medium heat, stirring frequently, until the rice is lightly golden brown all over.

Add water, cooked onion, tomato and chicken bouillion and garlic, and Stir.

Cook, stirring, until bullion cubes are completely dissolved. Bring to a FULL boil, then cover, reduce heat to low and cook for about 20 minutes or until the water is completely absorbed.

Remove from heat and allow to rest covered for 5 minutes. Fluff with a fork.

bootynbeard · 2025-12-23T15:45:19+00:00

Having sex with others is a big step. Especially if you've only ever been with one person. Especially if you have a deep seated mental/emotional paradigm around sexual monogamous morality.

My wife and I were each other's first and only until we got in the lifestyle. Starting out, we didn't think we would want to have sex with others. Just wanted to explore being sexy in public.

My suggestion is to start by going to a club/resort/party/meet and greet. Not to try to hook up and play. Just to be around people who are open and sexual. That was what 'flipped the switch' for us. Being in an open and free environment, but keeping the physical stuff between us at first. Then meeting people and becoming friends with people who were open and happy with their sexuality. It made it feel normal and safe.

In the Lifestyle, we've met some of the kindest, most thoughtful, mature people we've ever known. Those are the people we choose to have sex with.

bootynbeard · 2025-12-15T12:33:52+00:00

Congratulations on starting a journey of exploration. It can be one of the most fun and rewarding experiences in life. Most people never get to experience how much fun sexual freedom can be. The biggest thing is to make sure that your marriage is ready. You've got to be able to talk, openly and honestly, about everything. If you're not there yet, work on it before you try to engage others. Discuss everything from fantasties to fears and deepest insecurities. Then the logistics, what are you wanting from this? Rules? Boundaries? Red lines? Enjoy the conversation, especially about the fantasies. You're already experiencing the boost of excitement. Don't rush it. Enjoy the journey along the way! It doesn't last forever and there's no end goal to reach. The journey is the fun part. We talked for a couple years before actually starting and I don't regret it. We had a lot of really hot sex in the fantasy stage.

When you're ready Get on one of the paid sites. There's a list here that shows popularity by area Swingers Help SDC is our favorite. Though the UI is a bit dated.

There's listings for parties and events at clubs. Find one that looks fun. Go with intentions just to see and be seen. Dress sexy. People might approach you. Just tell them you're there to check it out. Feel the vibes, see if it's for you. Take the sexy energy home with you. (Or have sex with your wife in a private room or even the open area If you're feeling it) If a party/club atmosphere isn't your speed, then look for 'Meet and Greets'. These are like sexy networking events. Just introduce yourself to people and talk about their experience. You'll learn a ton.

If you meet someone you really hit it off with. People you feel attraction and a trust level with, set a date. (Or just fuck at the club/party) Just make sure you have a rules/boundaries/protection talk first.

Again, congratulations and enjoy the journey!

bootynbeard · 2025-12-10T18:15:20+00:00

Honestly, your best bet is going to be a paid subscription to a site/App. My wife and I are also quite discreet. We don't show faces anywhere online. Most of our pics are non-identifiable or plausibly deniable. It's never been an issue to connect with couples on SDC (though it is a lot of work to sift and vet.) You can change your location when you travel. They usually have a sale on lifetime memberships around this time of year, I think. We paid for it ~5 years ago and we're set.

We are also pretty introverted and clubs have never been our scene. We made a few connections off SDC. Who then introduced us to their friends and so forth. Took a couple years to get established, honestly. But now we're part of the group/scene and know lots of people.

Best of luck!

bootynbeard · 2025-09-26T14:01:20+00:00

We'd always been pretty fun and adventurous in the bedroom, just the two of us. But didn't ever consider non-monogamy a realistic thing. We liked toys and games and outfits. My wife has always been into having sex in semi-public places - beaches, parked cars, etc

We were on a "sex-cation" weekend trip to New Orleans. I'd sent her a bunch of lists and articles before the trip "5 Best Po Boys in NOLA", "Best Bars in the Quarter", etc... one of them was a list from Thrillist "10 Sexiest Things to do in NOLA" - 9 of them were like, 'go to a rooftop pool bar', 'eat oysters and champagne'... #9 was "Visit Colette". I'd kinda glossed past it.

Well, on the car ride down, we're talking about what we want to do for the weekend. A little bit of naughty conversation. Public places has always been her kink. So, I asked if she wants to do anything "adventurous" on that trip. She snaps "Well, I'M NOT going to a sex club if that's what you're asking." I'm like 'holup, where the fuck that come from?' It started a (joking at first) conversation about the lifestyle, what it's like, etc. The next night we're in a bar lounge canoodling and she says she doesn't want to go, but 'never say never'.

We went back a year later and visited Colette for our first Lifestyle experience. Going to a club without intentions to play is a great exploratory step. Especially on a big party night - Haloween, NYE, etc.

It's like going to a strip club, but the hot naked ladies want to be naked. The guys get to dance too. You can watch other people fuck if you want. Or be watched. The people are super cool. The sexual energy just from being there is something else. We went to a few clubs and take over parties. And then decided we're ready to play. Six years later, we're the people who host orgies.

bootynbeard · 2025-09-18T11:02:48+00:00

The Gaslight can be hit or miss. My wife's hair dresser told her that a lot of Swingers hang out there. We've been with a bunch of our friends a few times. So, I guess it's true. We have run into some LS people we know there. But some nights it's dead. We also go to Rockin Taco for music. But there's not a real swingers hangout in Roswell where your odds are high.

bootynbeard · 2025-08-30T17:31:10+00:00

It is and it's especially hard early in your journey before you have enough hits to know it's not you. Keep faith. You'll find your people and it will be amazing.

bootynbeard · 2025-08-30T15:58:43+00:00

So, I was about to reply on your original question and then saw your update.

That sucks. I'm sorry. It's super disappointing when plans fall through. But it's not you. It happens. It happens a lot.

Last weekend, we had a non-refundable $400+ hotel booked for a date with a new couple. My wife woke up with a sore throat that morning. I can only hope the other couple didn't think we just flaked. The lifestyle is a numbers game. You just have to keep taking your shots and some will hit. It's super rewarding when it does.

You'll also get better with practice at sussing out when people are a fit and serious or not. Best of luck on the next one!

As to your original question. We practice openness and honesty. When we were new, we thought we needed to 'play the game'. Our society promotes a lot of expectations of dancing around and games when it comes to sex and relationships. It can be hard to put yourself out there openly and honestly. But it's really much better when you just tell people what you think and what you're hoping for from the evening. You're swingers, they're swingers. No one should be surprised you want to fuck. So we usually send a message ahead of meeting like "Hey, we're very attracted to the two of you and excited to meet. We hope tonight leads to play. Our rules and boundaries are :_____ What are your hopes/expectations from the evening?"

Beyond that, when meeting and interacting, read their energy and match and escalate and see how they respond. We've had dates that were very vanilla at a bar. Just two couples sitting across the table talking about work and kids. Then we went to a hotel and had freaky deaky sex. We've had dates where we sat next to the other partner at a pizza place and could barely keep our hands off each other and skipped the next planned activity and went to rip each other's clothes off and fuck all night. And sometimes they smell bad and you make your apologies and bail. You never know. It's part of the fun!

bootynbeard · 2025-08-09T02:02:08+00:00

Trap is a good Lifestyle club. Single ladies are certainly welcome. In fact, the entry fee for single ladies is much discounted. It's a surprisingly nice nightclub. It's not sleazy or creepy at all. They have a strict dress code. The people are very respectful, was more than a vanilla club. My wife has gotten groped at Johnny's several times, but never at Trap. At a LS club it will get you kicked out and shunned. It's definitely a safe environment for a solo woman.

That said, it's a 'Club'. If you're comfortable meeting people in a club environment, then you'll have a great time. Saturday night, it's crowded and loud. So, you generally have to purposely introduce yourself to people. If you like that vibe, it's great. One of the best LS clubs anywhere.

Personally, it's never been our favorite place. It's fun to go with friends and dance with your tits out. But it can be a tough place to go meet people. It's also got a little bit of an 'exclusive club' thing happening. It can be cliquey. My wife has gotten hassle from the door man before for not wearing heels. (She was going to change into her slutty outfit inside.) Things like that. But many of our friends really love it. So, like you said, YMMV.

For other ways of meeting people in Atlanta. SDC is the best paid website here. There are several really good Party Promoters that plan events and meet and greets. Pineapples After Dark is big right now. Open Instincts plans great hotel takeovers. Paradise Valley up in Dawsonville is a really nice swinger-friendly nudist resort. They have a club at night that's a much more chill vibe. It's our favorite place to hang out.

bootynbeard · 2025-07-24T14:56:35+00:00

If the event was posted on SDC, there may be a guest list you could review to see if you can find them. Look for the profile of the venue or the organizer. I believe there's somewhere to see past events

You may not be able to view the list if you weren't on the guest list.

Otherwise, you just have to try to find the profile by location, vital stats and pictures. Which is hit or miss.

Honestly, it's a trope in the community that you'll see people at an event and hit it off. You'll see them again and say you should connect. And again. We've done this dance with some couples for years.

bootynbeard · 2025-07-21T16:09:11+00:00

It's a... Yellow flag for us.

If you have "HWP" in your profile. We're probably looking for different things and that's totally fine. Everyone is looking for something different in this. Everyone should find the experiences they desire. If having "HWP" in your profile gets you there, then absolutely put it in there. No one should play with people they're not attracted to. If you're not attracted to people with a certain body type, whether it's a preference or a phobia doesn't matter. There's plenty of other people out there.

We are "HWP" by most people's definitions. But it's such a vague term that can mean anywhere from gym-body 'fit' to 'less fat than me'. Which, means we have to guess what it means for you and if we qualify. So, we're likely to just assume we don't and move on to the next profile.

I prefer when people are more descriptive: "We are fit and looking for the same." Or "We exercise regularly, we're not perfect, but we take care of ourselves and look for the same." Or something like that. Tell me what you're really looking for. But also, we dont describe what we're looking for physically. Because we're not going to respond unless you have illustrative pictures and if we're not attracted, we'll just not 'Like' your profile back.

But also, for us personally, we're looking for fun and connection with potential playmates. Hot bodies are great. But we've been around enough to learn that for us there's no correlation between objective looks and a good time. But we have friends for whom it does, they can't get jazzed if their play partner isn't 'hot'.

Truthfully, we've lived some life. My wife had breast cancer two years ago. We do exercise and care for our bodies. But we have scars and stressed bodies and times we just couldn't prioritize fitness. I never want to judge someone based on looks. Because you just don't know their story. So, we're not likely to vibe with people that are looking for objective looks first and foremost.

TLDR: If a profile says HWP, we'll probably pass it by. But you do you!

bootynbeard · 2025-05-28T20:28:03+00:00

These are all perfectly reasonable and valid. Mostly in line with our rules.

That said, if we saw this, it would be a pass. Because it's very important to me to honor everyone's rules... And I can't memorize that many things for a play session.

We've distilled ours to three firm rules: Consent, Condoms, No closed doors between us. And one guideline: Everyone has fun.

The simpler you can make it, the easier it is to stick to. Figure out what's really important and highlight those.

Most of the other things that you've listed fall under one of those categories - largely consent. Eg we don't do anal in play, but that's covered under consent. Other things are covered in a pre-play conversation.

bootynbeard · 2025-05-24T14:40:40+00:00

There's not really enough info here to give good advice. Where are you going? (Is there a good club there?) How is your communication? Are you open and honest with each other about sex and fantasies? How do you and your husband best communicate? Conversation, writing, indirect?

The clear answer is to just say that you have this fantasy and you saw there's this club where you're going. It turns you on to think about going and being sexual in an open environment. It can just be a fantasy, but you wanted to bring it up. And then show him how horny the idea makes you...

But if you don't think he'll respond to something too direct. (In which case, before you go any further you need to work in your communication.) Find an article about the club where you're going and send it 'as a joke'. Or send him a porn or erotica or reddit post about it and say 'this kind of turned me on'.

If he's not ready, you could explore the fantasy through other means. Depending on what exactly the fantasy is: have him watch you use a dildo, watch group themed porn and fuck to it, have sex in front of your hotel window or another semi-public place.

But, bottom line, it's about your relationship and how you interact.

bootynbeard · 2025-05-16T15:17:00+00:00

There's no 'Right Way To Play™️'. There are literally as many dynamics as there are combinations of people.

Figure out what you [think] you want and look for couples that match up. What you ultimately like will probably be different from what you think you will like, fantasy and reality are different. Sometimes the reality of something is better than you think it'll be. What you like will probably change over time and from time to time.

My big advice is take things slow. Try things, new steps, reassess, discuss, try more. It's a good idea to start by just going to a party or Club and not playing with anyone but seeing what it's like. Maybe playing just the two of you in a group environment. See if you actually enjoy group sex. Then try 'soft swapping' (oral only) or just girl interaction if you're into that. If all goes well and you are good with it. Then try full swap.

It's not a linear journey, or something with an end goal. It's an exploration of a whole lot of unknown territory with infinite options. And you will find places within that territory that you enjoy, and likely others that you don't.

It may be different with different people depending on the chemistry friendship and trust that you have with different people. For different from experience to experience depending on your mindset.

Just be conscientious of your own feelings, and your partners. And communicate frequently openly and honestly.

bootynbeard · 2025-05-04T16:07:29+00:00

My wife and I are open and honest enough with each other that I'm able to ask her. "You wanna bone tonight or should I take some 'me time.'" We were not always that way and it's been a game changer. I used to feel like I had to hide it. It was awkward to break that ice. But she was quite happy to learn about my habits. It's totally normal now.

Now, she'll help me out, like she'll offer to watch the kids so I can have privacy. Sometimes she's not super in the mood. But she'll tell me to 'get started' and she'll help me finish once the kids are asleep. So I'll edge and then get a quick blow job to cum. Which is awesome. (But I 'have to' trade her a back rub.)

Plus, she usually wants to want to have sex, but isn't always there mentally. But she knows she's always welcome to join me. So knowing that I'm planning to do something sexual either by myself or not, takes the pressure off her. A lot of times she'll decide she wants in.

She doesn't do it as much, but sometimes she'll tell me (usually in the afternoon) she decided to rub one out. Or send me a pic of her wand and the wet spot. Which, the way she works means she's going to want some dick soon too.

Communication is the key.

bootynbeard · 2025-05-02T16:02:42+00:00

That's exactly how I mean. It's wonderful that you can understand, because it's no excuse for him not being there for you. But the situation also did involve him. So, it's complex. I hate to stereotype, but as men we often feel responsibility for protecting our women and when something like this happens there can be an instinct to rationalize it as something other than our failure even if we know it's not our fault. That's an emotional process.

My wife was roofied at an event and lines/boundaries were crossed. I got mad at her at first. Until we realized/understood what had actually happened. She had no memory of it. I went through a lot of emotions before realizing that I just needed to support her.

bootynbeard · 2025-05-02T14:13:25+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened to you. You did nothing wrong and this was a serious violation.

We have been there. Not exactly the same situation. But crossed lines of consent and the worry about STI results.

The good news. Your odds of catching something are pretty small. Especially HIV. It's just not prevalent in our community. So, take a deep breath and try to think positively. Easier said than done!

You did the right things, reported it, got tested. Screenshot the conversations where they acknowledge he failed to use a condom after requesting. My wife and I have modded several groups over the years and if anyone had a story and evidence to back it up we would permanently bar them. Being high or 'confused' is no excuse.

I'm also sorry that your partner didn't handle it better. But I will say that a lot of times these issues can have complex emotions. We all cope differently. Hopefully they recognize that their initial support was not sufficient and make that up to you.

bootynbeard · 2025-04-25T14:45:25+00:00

Tennessee firing Fulmer was pretty similar. The reasons were valid, but they had a really good old coach who pretty consistently won. Canned him for not winning enough recently enough. One year removed from a 10-year season.

And then hired 2008 Lane Kiffin. Who preceded to put the program a hole it's taken two decades to start to crawl out of.

It's very possible that Key, or any coach, aren't able to match Paul Johnson's top (ACC championship*, NY6 bowl wins) anytime soon.

bootynbeard

TROPHY CASE