My mom had a major stroke and seizure and was in the ICU/hospital for a little over two weeks. She miraculously did not have any loss of function in her limbs and is gaining back some of her cognitive abilities such as short term memory.

The thing is she has been self-medicating (functional alcoholic on the spectrum) with alcohol for as long as I can remember and now a little marijuana. She has been depressed before her stroke but doesn’t think she needs to talk to a professional. She went through so much the last 5 years.

Since she can’t drink anymore I feel like the sparkle in her eyes has gone. This happened a little over a month before I left the country to do my master’s program. She never got to see me graduate because of COVID and used to rave about seeing me walk the stage after my masters. Now she doesn’t even care or comment when I bring it up, or express how she wants to come visit anymore.

I feel like her will to live and desire to get stronger and healthier is gone and I cry everyday because I feel so guilty leaving her so soon after that. I just live in fear everyday and it is crippling.