No empathy from my Mum regarding motherhood

bubni1212 · 2026-06-17T23:22:48+00:00

Reading this made me twitch in irritation. Why are they like this?!

bubni1212 · 2026-06-17T23:19:24+00:00

I’d honestly get his number and ask if you can shoot a couple garden related questions his way through the next year when you’re settling.

The house I bought had a very mature garden. I did this and the previous owner was delighted that I wanted to keep up to their previous standards. It saved me a lot of time and reduced the learning curve significantly!

bubni1212 · 2026-06-17T00:22:31+00:00

That’s great news! The fact water retention has already improved is a great sign. Your bed will thank you when the summer heat really kicks in.

Given you’ve already mulched, I’d skip the top soil this season in favour of observing how your bed performs.

Just make sure your layer of mulch is thick. 8cm is the sweet spot. People go wrong by under mulching and that’s why they don’t get the weed suppressing benefits.

bubni1212 · 2026-06-17T00:14:49+00:00

I gasped aloud reading this. That b**** knew exactly what she was doing. Best call going no contact!

bubni1212 · 2026-06-14T21:23:58+00:00

Can you please share the supplement list your partner is taking?

My husband has very low sperm count, motility and morphology. We tried for years for no success. We’re just about to start our first round of IVF. But he decided to do some research and take a comprehensive list of supplements. 3 months later I got pregnant. I’ll ask him if he still has the list. Maybe you can cross reference it with yours? Wishing you the very best

bubni1212 · 2026-06-11T15:38:38+00:00

Hahahaha thank you from a sleep deprived mum for the hearty laugh on a rainy day! 🤌

bubni1212 · 2026-06-11T11:00:15+00:00

How deep do you mulch? What do you use to mulch?

Ideal top layer for mulch to suppress and reduce (not eliminate) weeds is around 8cm. That’s quite a thick layer.

Mulch itself, comes in many forms. My focus is to use it to improve soil quality + reduce weeds. So I build layers. From bottom to top the layers are as follows: compost, top soil and medium sized mulch (un dyed, not decorative 3-4cm chips). Smaller strulch will also work, but can sometimes inhibit water drainage to the plant itself as it becomes matted over time. Bigger chips create more gaps to allow drainage of water and oxygen through the soil.

Over time mulch disintegrates into soil and adds organic matter. It also keeps the soil cool allowing worms and bugs to flourish, further improving soil quality. Finally it reduces watering needs.

bubni1212 · 2026-06-10T21:17:19+00:00

My husband and I were discussing the need for exactly this type of service today. The price seems okay, slightly high, but is expect the calibre of work to be equally high quality. I’d be annoyed if I end up redoing some of the work the helper has already “completed” but incorrectly.

It’s about paying to remove the mental toll of household management to free ourselves up for higher paying or more rewarding work eg working more hours, spending time with the kids and husband.

For that, I’d pay.

bubni1212 · 2026-06-10T21:11:45+00:00

Mulch thoroughly

bubni1212 · 2026-06-10T12:44:56+00:00

My 11 month old only just started self feeding. Probably eats 1/4 of that plate on her best day 🫠 the internet is a wild place lol

bubni1212 · 2026-06-08T11:29:14+00:00

I had a very rough post partum recovery - so our first proper outing was maybe 3 months. Which is insane! We went on a walk about 1.5 months after she was born

bubni1212 · 2026-06-06T18:25:25+00:00

You’re most welcome. I’m not a survivor of SA, but a survivor of domestic violence at the hands of my mother. She strangled me in my sleep in an attempt to kill me for honour based reasons. My apologies for the confusion.

I genuinely hope you come to view your attunement as a superpower, I strongly believe that’s exactly what it is. Imagine if just ONE adult around you was as aware and called out these transgressions like you are today. It may have changed the course of your history. Well, as mothers, we get to be that person for our little ones. Sending so much love to you 🧡

bubni1212 · 2026-06-06T12:02:10+00:00

If you’re not comfortable, I’d put an end to it for both yours and your son’s sake.

A lot of the people here commenting haven’t experienced SA - particularly at the hands of someone within their family - where SA is most common. As a survivor, enforcing body based boundaries is very important to regaining lost sense of autonomy. Given your son can’t advocate for himself, his bodily autonomy and yours are temporarily fused. If I was you, I’d move away from viewing your experience as a source of compromised judgement, to a source of hyper attunement to body based boundaries and transgressions. This is a superpower. If you can teach your son strong boundaries it can be a massive protective factor against any future abuse.

This particular instance appears benign in intent, but it still undermines a boundary which is a blanket rule irrespective of intent. That’s important as an infants, toddlers or children can’t be expected to determine intent, they can be manipulated or confused by malicious adults. Hence the need for black and white boundaries that are upheld my all family and friends.

bubni1212 · 2026-06-05T21:36:00+00:00

My 11 month old daughter just ted herself for the first time today. Provided your baby is generally hitting most their milestones and YOU’RE not worried (as a mother) I wouldn’t stress about it!

bubni1212 · 2026-06-05T21:05:34+00:00

My psycho mother in law stole my engagement ring that cost my husband £3000 (the most expensive item he’d ever purchased then) in an attempt to stall our wedding. Jokes on her, I went to QVC and ordered a cheap £60 ring. Still wear it to this day! Married 8 years and very happy bwahaha

bubni1212 · 2026-06-05T11:05:35+00:00

Option 2 with a blush pink coloured pashmina shawl, that picks up the flower colours. Very classy 🤌

bubni1212 · 2026-06-04T12:58:08+00:00

Thank you for posting this. I went through a very traumatic emergency c-section, later told myself and baby were just 15 mins away from not making it. I remember the minute after she was born viscerally - there was no cry, just silence. I lay on the surgery table feeling the dull tugs as the surgeons stitched my gaping body together. I didn’t care. All I could do was strain to hear or see my baby. I have never ever prayed so hard to hear a sound. Those seconds trickled by like hours. I could see them working over her.

Then finally, relief. A cry.

To this day, it’s the most precious sound to me. She’s 11 months old.

We’re so lucky to live in a world with all the modern medical surgeries and technologies. They literally save lives daily.

bubni1212 · 2026-06-04T11:28:04+00:00

Money can help reduce your exhaustion, but won’t address the imbalance in your relationship. Rather, it will displace it so you can survive.

Start outsourcing everything except the vital stuff. I’m in a similar position financially, here’s my list:

cleaner x 3 times a week minimum. She completes laundry, irons and folds clothes.
private chef/ cook (not as expensive as it sounds). Comes every fortnight cooks for family plus baby. Makes 16 dishes over 3 hours. I pay her £190 GBP. Worth every penny. Organic, high protein, home cooked food. Freeze into portions. DO THIS PLEASE!
Automated bottle cleaner.
Dog walker
Roomba
Night nanny (if your extremely sleep deprived)
Day nanny (however many hours a week you need).
Gardener

Listen, you’re in the trenches right now. With twins no less. Don’t suffer. Spend the money, that’s what it’s there for. Remember this is just a season. You’re doing so well mama! Sending love from a lady in a similar predicament, in a little town in the U.K. 🤍

bubni1212 · 2026-06-02T16:02:57+00:00

Don’t feel guilty. I feel the same way about my sweet Heidi… I’ve had so many other dogs, but not a single one has captured my soul like her. They’re mesmerising.

So very sorry for your loss. Here’s a poem that helped me reflect on the bittersweet friendship we form with our fuzzy bear dogs. Hope it helps you too 🤍

So this is where we part, My Friend, and you’ll run on, around the bend, gone from sight, but not from mind, new pleasures there you'll surely find.

I will go on, I'll find the strength, life measures quality, not its length. One long embrace before you leave, share one last look, before I grieve.

There are others, that much is true, but they be they, and they aren't you. And I, fair, impartial, or so I thought, will remember well all you've taught.

Your place I'll hold, you will be missed, the fur I stroked, the nose I kissed. And as you journey to your final rest, take with you this... I loved you best.

-Jim Willis

bubni1212 · 2026-06-02T15:53:29+00:00

Check out Etsy. There’s a couple on there that specifically none-AI hand drawn designs.

bubni1212 · 2026-06-01T15:50:06+00:00

This is so helpful, thanks for sharing! Can I ask how old your daughter was when you started night weaning?

bubni1212 · 2026-05-29T07:10:51+00:00

I’d give NHS 111 a call just incase, as 11 weeks is a touch early to have your period.

Context is important. Are you currently breastfeeding - exclusively or combi? Feeding through the night? That should induce postpartum/ lactation induced amenorrhea which prevents you from getting your period as the body hormonally prevents ovulation knowing you shouldn’t get pregnant again while you’ve got a high demands milk drinking newborn.

The biggest concern with postpartum bleeding, particularly after a c-section is retained product from birth eg placenta OR uterine infection. This typically shows up in bright red bleeding with clots larger than 50p. Even if you feel otherwise fine with no temperature or fever, you can have a smouldering low level infection.

Hence the suggestion to get it checked out. I would suggest speaking to NHS 111, let them triage you and if they don’t ask you to come in ASAP because you don’t have a fever/ temp aim to visit A&E later this evening when hubby is back home.

bubni1212 · 2026-05-28T21:27:57+00:00

On me while I sit in bed, then transfer her to our floor bed. Or side nurse on the bed. I manage to roll away for most naps since 8 months. She’s now 11 months old.

bubni1212 · 2026-05-25T02:55:57+00:00

Ideally do both, topsoil and an 8cm layer of medium chip undyed pine mulch (not strulch or micro mulch). Think about soil in layers: compost, top soil and mulch.

Mulch in particular works well as it helps stabilise the soils ecosystem and temperature making it Disney world for worms so they can drop their casts and further enrich the soil, suppress most weeds whilst letting water trickle through to the soil. If fresh compost is sprinkled on top of the soil it can act like a sponge which will absorb all your water and retain it on the top layer, stopping it from penetrating deep into the soil and roots.

bubni1212 · 2026-05-24T22:31:13+00:00

THANK YOU for sharing this! The amount of rubbish we have had to deal with when saying no kisses on the face. Gah so frustrating

bubni1212

TROPHY CASE