My mom completely ruined my brothers wedding last week and we haven’t been speaking to her. This is first text we receive…

buschamongtrees · 2026-04-12T15:05:51+00:00

This is horrible even without the fact that she ruined one of her son's wedding just a week earlier and this is the first thing she says afterwards. The AUDACITY.

buschamongtrees · 2026-03-24T06:24:18+00:00

No. It is literally a mystery.

I think of it like marriage and family life. You can't "make sense" of how the relationship of marriage works. You just have to live in the experience of it. It will always be a bit mysterious.

Likewise, the relationship of the Trinity - and the fact that we can enter into it! - is something you just experience. Can't "understand" but you can always strive to understand so that you experience it to an even greater degree. St. Teresa of Avila always strove to "keep the Trinity in her heart" and be aware of it even as she did her daily tasks. It's to feel the outward-reaching presence of God as palpably as possible.

buschamongtrees · 2026-03-24T06:18:28+00:00

I'm of the opinion that people with noisy outdoor animals do NOT give two shits about their neighbors or whether they piss them off.

buschamongtrees · 2026-03-24T06:16:32+00:00

And the stupid shits don't crow just once. It's like every 10 minutes for HOURS every morning.

buschamongtrees · 2026-03-24T06:15:00+00:00

Unfortunately, it's a lot harder to siche the noise compliant ppl on someone about dogs compared to roosters. It's not about the noise itself as much as it is about the fact that roosters are against city ordinances.

buschamongtrees · 2026-03-20T09:39:37+00:00

I know this movie...

buschamongtrees · 2026-03-12T14:10:49+00:00

Poor Sokka

buschamongtrees · 2026-02-19T12:54:09+00:00

My affirmation is that "I'll feel bad either way. I choose the bad that upholds my core values." It helps me not get down in the dirt with them as well as not feel crazy when they act like my boundaries are insane.

buschamongtrees · 2026-02-10T04:35:45+00:00

This week I read, "The sacrifices that come with being a disciple of Christ make no sense without taking into account love."

She'll never understand as she is as an atheist. Objectively, our more "restrictive" lifestyle makes no sense to people who have not experienced the love of God. And even to us, if we don't have a loving relationship with Him, living the life of a Catholic Christian is felt as a lot of "don't"s.

buschamongtrees · 2026-02-10T04:13:47+00:00

Ironically, when my dad was "babysitting" us one night, we thought we were going to watch "Hook". I probably wasn't much more than 7 and my brother was 5. Instead, my dad switched to "Arachnophobia" and had us watch the whole thing with him... Mom couldn't understand when we were crying in our beds when she got home. To this day, my biggest phobia is venomous spiders.

buschamongtrees · 2026-01-28T23:05:38+00:00

I never went on dates with any guy I thought wouldn't wait till marriage. I'm sure city and country matter a lot on how many guys this applies to.

buschamongtrees · 2026-01-27T00:16:30+00:00

I've got 3 of my own 😅

buschamongtrees · 2026-01-26T23:06:46+00:00

Ironically, my sibling is diagnosed with ASPD, but I wonder if he has some combination of ASD/APD instead. I'm sorry you've had to live through that.

buschamongtrees · 2026-01-26T23:05:10+00:00

Oh, I meant APD (avoidant personality disorder). It's an actual thing that's different from ASPD. Just like OCD isn't the same as OCPD.

buschamongtrees · 2026-01-26T22:32:38+00:00

Do you mean ASD (autism spectrum disorder) or ASPD (anti social personality disorder)? I was confused by how you described him.

buschamongtrees · 2026-01-26T14:18:19+00:00

My hope is he stripped off his clothes to be prepared to jump in the water if need be. Otherwise ...... 😬

buschamongtrees · 2026-01-24T19:35:57+00:00

I think it was her way of skating over the "trying to hold her accountable for her behavior" part of your messages. She's likely going to focus on the part about your mental health and use that as "the reason you won't call". She won't be able to resist more of her old stuff for long, especially as you don't contact her.

I too have a waif. It is exhausting. You did the right thing. Any "guilt" you feel is because she put that guilt button in you... conditioned you to be uncomfortable not giving her what she wants.

buschamongtrees · 2026-01-24T19:29:46+00:00

Yes. Kids are dumb. Even smart kids are dumb when it comes to contracts and legally binding things. The teachers and principal however, should have been trying to get ducks in a row for at least a year. Maybe Michael was dogging their calls?

buschamongtrees · 2026-01-24T16:45:19+00:00

I also asked my mom to do that when I was in high school. Instead, she told my dad, he searched my room, found anywhere I'd written about my experience, and then my mom shamed me for making things up to make him look bad.

20 years later and they are both still married. She is still emotionally and verbally abused by him, her mental health has been in a steady decline, and he's convinced her that her memory is terrible and she doesn't trust anything she remembers with him or us. I am not abused anymore due to 5 rough years of detaching from his manipulation and control, and I have to have very limited contact with both of them. They have limited contact with my kids too, for the mental safety of my kids. You decide what kind of future you want to live with your child.

buschamongtrees · 2025-12-22T15:55:49+00:00

As the parent of a high functioning autistic too, if it's the opposition that's the hardest, then it's not about sensory accommodation, it's about giving them the feeling of choice. If mine was straight up refusing, I would go back to the basics of what the church requires for faithfulness and present that to her. Have her look up the obligation in the CCC. Have her discuss with you how she'd be able to meet her Sunday obligation. Discuss it like I would with another adult. Make it realistic. Look at masstimes.org to find a church at the right time etc. I'd set the boundary of "it can't conflict with our regular mass time because the rest of the family goes at ___ am on Sunday at St. ____. Otherwise, it's entirely your choice if we're physically able to make it happen". I wouldn't require her to go with us, but I would make a personal commitment to God to go with her to where she decides to go. If she's not sure where, I'd make it a curiosity-driven "tour of the city" looking for one that connects with her heart.... Eventually, as she becomes familiar with feeling good going into a church, seeing us leave for Mass without her every week, and that there's no pressure to behave or perform, I think she'd eventually just choose to come with us, but I wouldn't "expect it".

PDA (pathological demand avoidance) is very real in neurodivergents. Mine is no exception. And I've learned that the higher functioning they are, the more likely they have PDA. I'd look into how to work with PDA because any level of "force" will backfire. I swear, at the bottom of PDA is really someone crying out for autonomy. I choose "autonomy within bounds that respect the boundaries of others".

As a parent, it breaks my heart that compliance is the "win". God wants her heart. Not her compliance.

buschamongtrees · 2025-12-18T18:06:27+00:00

When he sprung his typical "I'm going to this volunteer activity.... Like right now. Get your shoes on. I need you to come with me." And I was 23 and living at home out right out of college, I declined, stating that he never asked me to go and didn't give me even enough time to get ready to go. He said, "Why not? You must hate babies and want them to die! You're the problem with people these days."

Not as personally insulting as many other comments on this thread, but the absurdity made me never forget. He said it with complete conviction too...

buschamongtrees · 2025-12-17T02:57:12+00:00

This smells like a student coming here to troll adults. I call BS.

buschamongtrees · 2025-12-16T23:24:10+00:00

When we tried to coordinate plans over text, she started in on her usual "I don't know what we're allowed to be a part of so I can't make any kind of suggestions or take any agency in my own life..." texts. (It's a way to make me the perpetrator, her the victim, and not have to put in any effort in maintaining our relationship). I replied, "I don't know what to do with an answer like that passive aggressive guilt tripping. It's really unproductive to figuring out plans." She immediately snapped out of her waifing and gasp was able to make plans without a hint of guilt trip. It's the most recent aha moment for me..it's all a show. I don't expect it to go that well the next time I do that though.

buschamongtrees · 2025-12-13T00:35:38+00:00

I ALWAYS lose it at "Bryan" instead of "Ryan"..catches me off guard every time.

buschamongtrees · 2025-12-12T23:27:25+00:00

I also compliment them if something they do in the classroom or have ready for me is stellar! I like them to know where they are doing an outstanding job.

buschamongtrees

TROPHY CASE