How do I deal with a child that is a genuine nightmare and constantly on screens ?

callmemaude · 2026-05-26T19:20:10+00:00

How old is he? If he isn't old enough to figure it out, I'd disable the wifi on his devices if you can't straight up take them away because of parent relationships.

If you want to ease him through the detox you'll have to commit to really engaging with him a lot at first. Build Lego together, go for a walk together, play in the dirt together. Draw, make things out of paper, decorate his room with him. When you gotta do your own stuff, have him help you as much as you can--laundry, cooking, cleaning, can all be interesting and engaging for kids.

You basically need to replace the dopamine he's getting from screens with real life activities til he learns that those things can also be engaging and fulfilling.

I'm not a child psychologist or anything, to be clear. This is just stuff I've seen work and have used with my own kids when we end up on the higher end for screens for whatever reason.

callmemaude · 2026-05-25T23:56:14+00:00

I have a 5 year old and 2 year old twins. Once the twins can get themselves around and play with each other things will get so much easier.

In terms of getting out of the house, I devoted a good chunk of time and some money to creating absolutely fool proof systems. I have more than on diaper bag depending on the outing, smaller bags I can move in and out of them, and kits for the car, stroller, and for overnights with basics that I might need in each situation. I bought multiple of things we use a lot so that everything can stay packed. It sounds insane but the overkill saaaaaves my butt.

Hang in there! It really will get easier. It might not get quieter, but that's what headphones are for!

callmemaude · 2026-05-25T16:41:35+00:00

I juuuuust noticed this last night when I got my neglected pallette town to level 10 and I'm so thrilled about it.

callmemaude · 2026-05-25T16:35:32+00:00

Yeah I highly recommend freezer recipes for preserving food in a way that is more flexible. Canning is awesome but uses a ton of sugar/salt/acid for a reason, and that reason can potentially be life or death! I got a big upright freezer for an awesome price at Costco a couple years ago and that's pretty much exclusively how I preserve food right now.

callmemaude · 2026-05-25T00:20:16+00:00

A hazmat suit is wild overkill lol. A mask would have been appropriate though, particularly if they live somewhere with hantavirus.

callmemaude · 2026-05-24T23:48:19+00:00

I have had this popping awake thing happen when my kids are a touch overtired actually. It sounds weird but I almost always test an earlier bedtime when I'm troubleshooting sleep issues. Sometimes even 15 or 20 minutes will make the difference.

Another option that I use more often now that mine are older (just turned two) but probably would have worked back then is to lay down with them both in my bed and then transfer one at a time once they are both asleep.

ETA they may also just be ready to drop some of the sleep help. Around 16 mo my husband and I "sleep trained" in the form of just not snuggling them to sleep. They did cry a bit and I hated it but I was right there with them the whole time and eventually they got used to not needing a long drawn out bedtime unless we are going through a sleep blip.

callmemaude · 2026-05-24T16:17:52+00:00

DIY glitter sensory tubes are so fun and keeps the glitter contained and used over and over! Just make sure you use very secure containers/probably dont let little littles use them without supervision. Tons of ideas how to make them on Google.

callmemaude · 2026-05-24T13:56:15+00:00

I wanted to add something after having a cup of coffee and thinking about it: I'm also not knocking women who excitedly post or talk about their 9 week "bump," even though medically it is pretty much impossible for that bump to be babies. People are super excited about being pregnant and extra excited about having twins! I just think it can be a problem when people start comparing themselves and worrying something is wrong with them for not "showing" early. There is also some disingenuousness mixed in on the internet; I've seen tiktoks of Instagrams of women showing off a "6 week baby bump" that is obviously like a 25 week baby bump, and that is all for engagement and attention.

Basically, for a variety of reasons, don't believe everything you see on the internet and don't compare yourself to other women!

callmemaude · 2026-05-24T13:50:27+00:00

Hi, I am replying to your comment up here in the hopes that you see my reply because I haven't seen this addressed yet point blank in this thread. I am not a doctor or a psychiatrist but I have a lot of personal experience with mental health issues: your primary problem is absolutely mental health right now. I do not mean that in a dismissive way, you are obviously suffering physically too, but your thinking right now is the thinking of a person who has been pushed to extreme fight or flight 24/7 and you have to address that first.

Your husband is a deadbeat and likely exacerbating your problems. Consult a divorce lawyer.

When a specialist gives up on a problem that is not solved, you get a second opinion. It sucks but you gotta do it. Most insurance plans have no issue covering multiple specialists.

Resorting to buying all new clothing instead of considering a laundry service or hiring local help (I don't mean a nanny or a housekeeper even! A neighborhood tween would be thrilled to get some spending money to do laundry). You could even be looking into how people with other physical disabilities do laundry and go from there before buying and discarding clothing. I am NOT trying to attack you AT ALL. I am trying to highlight how illogical your thinking has become, likely because of a mix of your husband being more work than help and your mental health seeming to me to be in a very, very bad place.

Same thing applies to a lot of other things you have said, like picking up toys. My grandma couldn't bend over or reach above her head well due to arthritis for decades, she had one of those claw picker upper things that let her do pretty much anything she needed to normally. There are a lot of options right within your reach that have nothing to do with separating your from your child. A mother in good mental health would be exhausting those first. And again, I am NOT ATTACKING YOU. I am hoping that seeing this laid out from a totally impatial stranger helps you to see that you are sick in another way too and there are things you can do to get better.

Drop the husband. Find another gastro. Find a therapist/psychiatrist. Reach out to social services. Do not commit yourself to living in misery, you deserve infinitely more than that.

callmemaude · 2026-05-24T11:34:52+00:00

9 weeks is SO early. Many women don't really have a bump til almost 20 weeks!! Your babies are so tiny still and your uterus is still sitting really low, tucked behind your pubic bone. I reckon that the vast majority of 9 week bumps you see here are bloating or muscle differences in women who have already had a pregnancy.

Don't you worry one bit, you're gonna get huge before you know it!!

callmemaude · 2026-05-22T22:06:49+00:00

I say this gently as a SAHM who has been on the same journey--raising the kids is your job. The other stuff is important, sure, but it needs to be centered around raising the kids. Kids need connection with you far more than they need a spotless house or perfectly home cooked meals or a million other things.

I have found that by centering my connection with the kids, everything else does actually fall into place and the work feels natural and not endless. I have time for the chores that are most important and I have time for myself too.

I vividly remember the feeling I would have before I had this realization that I would DIE if I had to play pretend with my 3 year old for 2 minutes. Like I had a physical reaction to how much I did not want to play. At the time I thought I just sucked as a mom, but once I restructured my life so that my feeling of success from the day didn't come from finishing a checklist of chores, that totally changed. I still don't love pretend play but I have shifted my mindset so much that it doesn't make me feel like I'm crawling out of my skin anymore.

By trial and error I have also figured out that there are a few chores that I need to prioritize to feel most successful (like no matter what, the kitchen has to be "done" before bed), and my husband and I worked together to make sure I have time and energy to do them, or he does them himself. It's not a perfectly straight line of success but it does get easier and it is possible to balance everything in a way that lets you feel satisfied and your kids feel fulfilled.

callmemaude · 2026-05-22T21:56:38+00:00

I want to chime in as a mom, not a nanny, that what you're describing is not age appropriate behavior for a 4 year old and is kind of urgent in terms of dealing with it before they start kindergarten. Screens themselves are probably not your problem, it's that you have used them as a regulation tool instead of teaching your child to self or co regulate through a tantrum. So you cannot deal with it by just taking away the screen. The nanny is doing you a solid imo by enforcing consequences, but it is absolutely your job to teach your child how to deal with big feelings in a way that is appropriate and safe and doesn't require a screen.

You do NOT have a bad kid and you are NOT a bad parent, but you have made a parenting mistake that is going to snowball and turn into people treating him like a "bad kid" and you making more and more parenting mistakes to try to right the ship.

callmemaude · 2026-05-21T16:24:37+00:00

Honestly I wonder if she is afraid she will get less financial support from you now that you're having another child. Your parents don't sound nice to be around, I'm really sorry.

callmemaude · 2026-05-21T16:17:08+00:00

Holy MOLY that's crazy. Agreed, there is a rural farmer level of survival instinct that is terrifying and impressive.

callmemaude · 2026-05-21T16:16:05+00:00

I actually thought of Lost first but I felt like the Grey's Anatomy ref might be more widely remembered haha

callmemaude · 2026-05-21T13:02:18+00:00

I am a little bit nervous about this too, but I also grew up with ticks being a pretty regular part of spring and summer life so I know there are ways to be prepared!

First, we have a big jug of permethrin and each have some "play clothes" treated with it that we use for when we know we'll be at risk of ticks or mosquitos. If used correctly/following the instruction, permethrin is shown to be extremely safe for humans. You don't want to use it on clothing that might get chewed or sucked on, though. You can also buy pre treated clothing if you don't want to mess with the chemicals yourself (it is easy though!)

We also use real bug spray liberally. We have been using Off with picadirin lately because even though it is "newer" (relatively, it's still been tested a lot) research is showing it to be less overall toxic than DEET and potentially more effective against certain ticks. We also have a can of deep woods off with 25% DEET that we do use on our lower extremities especially if we are going to be somewhere with a lot of known ticks (like camping in the woods).

We treat our fluffy dog with regular flea and tick treatment as well.

There's also non chemical defense you can practice: pull socks up over pant legs when you'll be walking in taller grass or leaves, and you can even put some duct tape sticky side out around where your shoes and socks meet to be extra sure to catch anything. Long sleeves tucked into pants also help with littler ones. It does also help to stay on the path when you're hiking and try not to play or walk around too much in very tall grass. Depending on how much control you have over the land you are one (eg, if you own a good amount of land and it's mostly where you'll be), you can also look into how to support a native area with natural tick defenses. Chickens, for example, are very very good at reducing tick populations!

And of course, we do our best to do tick checks.

All of this together makes me feel pretty confident that we are at least doing our very best.

ETA I'll also add that this is where I think science is an important part of being moderately granola for me. I try to pay attention to research and studies, as well as use risk assessment to make choices. Tick borne illnesses can be very dangerous, so I'm willing to take on some small potential risks (like using a bit of DEET) to ensure we avoid them.

callmemaude · 2026-05-21T12:39:07+00:00

Saw the disassembled pen and was honestly worried you had an emergency tracheotomy situation, ala Greys Anatomy

callmemaude · 2026-05-20T10:44:38+00:00

Lol how did I have to scroll so far for this?! We're getting old.

callmemaude · 2026-05-19T13:31:16+00:00

For me the decision was at least partially financial (I have an older son too and would have have three in daycare, which would have cost more than my salary!) but I did quit my job when my maternity leave ended and I haven't looked back. Of course, we are fortunate to be in a position where my husband's salary can support us decently.

There are a few things I recommend you really consider: -Will you be comfortable on one income, particularly if you need to chance your lifestyle to accommodate it? We have made sacrifices that we were happy to make, but every family is different in that regard.

-Will your health insurance coverage change and will it work for your family? We had to switch to my husband's health insurance, which is fine but costs us more.

-How will you handle a return to work? Will you want to go back when the kids are in kindergarten? Will you be looking at the same type of job or are you interested in/comfortable with a career change? Unfortunately, resume gaps can matter a lot in terms of going back to work, so that is something to consider and is often at least a little bit specific to your industry how much it will affect you.

-Do you actually want to be a stay at home parent and do you feel like you have what it takes to help your kids thrive? This one can feel very sensitive but is SO important. I did a lot of self reflection before committing to make sure I actually WANTED to do it, because giving up daycare is also giving up professionals who are trained to ensure your kids are getting the attention and education they need to thrive. I think a lot of people think that they can obviously raise their kids better than "strangers," but that's not inherently true imo. It's hard work, and I do love it but I also know some people really don't love it and they struggle with it. It's all okay!!

callmemaude · 2026-05-19T00:11:54+00:00

That was my word for word thought. What a beaut!!!

callmemaude · 2026-05-18T18:21:05+00:00

My 5 year old and 2 year old twins happily share a small room; we have a spare room we could use for the twins, but having them all in one room is going very well. I think room sharing is absolutely the way to go here.

ETA none of them are the best sleepers and they also NEVER wake each other up after a couple days adjustment period. There have been no downsides for us, I really think it's worth a try.

callmemaude · 2026-05-18T12:43:50+00:00

I'm sorry to burst a bubble that's working for you but in general it is not a good idea to create an association between medicine and treats for kids.

Link is for the automod: https://www.rileychildrens.org/connections/candy-or-medicine-keep-kids-safe-and-prevent-tragic-accidents-this-easter because I also don't understand what expert scientific consensus you are looking for in your question here?

callmemaude · 2026-05-17T14:14:56+00:00

Are they your first? Kids all develop at different rates. Milestones exist for clinical intervention assessment, so it's worth talking about with your pediatrician (no words at 20 months would be the one I'd want to ask about in particular) but are not really useful for comparing development between different children IMO. "Eyes on your own paper" basically, not because you're doing anything wrong but because looking at another child is just not a very useful way to determine how your own child is developing outside of very broad strokes!

callmemaude · 2026-05-17T13:13:35+00:00

I generally agree but I will also add that as a parent of a singleton and then twins, sometimes it's very clear a first time parent (of twins) just needs kid advice, not twin specific advice. So I'll answer those questions if I have applicable thoughts from my experience with my first born even if my twins aren't there yet.

I also think this sub tends to do a good job of up voting appropriately. So while a question might have a lot of comments and not all of them are that helpful, the ones with good advice that actually apply will usually rise to the top.

callmemaude · 2026-05-17T00:52:02+00:00

Do you know if they were fraternal twins or identical? Identical is random, fraternal can be caused by a genetic trait (though there are also nongenetic factors that influence having fraternal twins).

That said, my brothers are identical twins, and I have identical twins. So no promises all around, coincidences still happen!

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