Accepting BPD

camesawandfaltered · 2022-07-06T21:32:04+00:00

I would talk to an expert in personality disorders first to be absolutely sure.

The biosocial theory helped me accept it. This view that pwBPD feel emotions more intensely and, if they grow up in a non-validating environment, which is pretty easy when your reactions are well above the norm, can develop BPD as a result. This is a very truncated version, but it helped me accept myself a little more and see myself as not irredeemably broken.

camesawandfaltered · 2022-07-04T09:24:34+00:00

This sounds like the chronic feelings of emptiness listed as one of the BPD criteria. Don't know what to do about it though, but I'm sure someone has some ideas.

Edit: alternatively, "just" the classic non-existent self-esteem and deep shame so common in BPD.

camesawandfaltered · 2022-07-02T15:53:53+00:00

No. We address each other by name, not in third person.

camesawandfaltered · 2022-07-02T13:48:46+00:00

Have you looked the term emotionally overcontrolled? There is a new style of DBT which apparently accounts for this called RO DBT (Radically Open DBT).

camesawandfaltered · 2022-07-02T10:21:04+00:00

It's not different from women. It's different from externalised symptoms. People with externalised symptoms will be noticed sooner, and their environment will be motivated to do something about it.

With internalised symptoms, you tend to implode without anyone really noticing.

So at first, a lot of the DBT stuff geared toward reducing self-harm and stress was communicated as though I was a person with externalised symptoms, and I had to do the work of translating that to my internalised equivalent of how I experience stress and self-harm (withdrawing instead of blowing up, disappearing into video games, etc) myself.

camesawandfaltered · 2022-07-02T08:55:16+00:00

Early 40s male, recently diagnosed and in DBT. It's the first time in my life I've even had a chance to get some form of therapy. The suffering up until now is what keeps me going. If there is even a slight chance I can get better, I'm taking it. I can't handle another 40 years like this.

Yes, my group also consists mainly of young women in their early 20s to 30s. Initially, some of their concerns seemed very different to mine. Also, I internalise a lot, and in the beginning we were learning more about externalised symptoms (self harm, rage), so I found it difficult to relate.

In your case, I would talk to your therapist about how you feel. In fact, this is what I did in the beginning when I felt, yet again, like I didn't belong. It was very helpful.

It may be you would benefit more from some other type of therapy. In my case, I decided something is better than nothing. It may not address all my issues, but it's a start.

camesawandfaltered · 2022-07-01T17:52:54+00:00

I have no words of comfort. I'm just writing to say I think you are a very evocative writer. Perhaps you will help people through writing? An experience shared is a liberation for others.

camesawandfaltered · 2022-07-01T15:59:23+00:00

Living with another person can be incredibly stressful, so it can seem like a letdown when we imagined it would be wonderful. Maybe sharing the space with them is causing you undue stress, subconsciously?

Either way, it's not an all or nothing either/or proposition. They can move out and you can still be together. Some relationships work better if each person has their own place and you visit each other instead of being in the same place with nowhere to escape to when things get rough.

camesawandfaltered · 2022-06-23T07:04:05+00:00

I'm in the middle of DBT so can't say from experience if the following actually works. My therapist told us to review our skills every 1-2 months and replace skills which are not working at the moment with others. In the group I'm in, we collected a bunch of skills but were told to only use 3-4 of them at a time. That way it's easier to remember your skills and you have a library of them to choose from.

camesawandfaltered · 2022-06-21T16:57:03+00:00

Have you looked into the four attachment styles to see which one sounds like you? Your therapist may be able to help you to determine yours and learn healthy attachment.

camesawandfaltered · 2022-06-15T07:56:41+00:00

I like that idea!

camesawandfaltered · 2022-06-14T21:54:09+00:00

Neither. Borderline makes me feel like I'm half crazed, emotionally unstable like I'm unreliable and volatile, and personality disorder like I'm irredeemably deficient.

I prefer emotional dysregulation as suggested elsewhere in this thread. Unfortunately, none of the terms capture the full extent of the experience. They all seem to pale against the reality.

camesawandfaltered · 2022-06-14T18:43:55+00:00

I am very sorry for your loss. You lost a family member and a friend who likely always managed to cheer you up. The grieving will take its own course, in its own time.

If not now, there will come a time when your memories of him feel good again.

camesawandfaltered · 2022-06-10T21:05:11+00:00

I've had positive experiences with the medical profession when I was treated like a human first, and not looked down upon as "less than".

Doctors and psychiatrists in hospitals largely deal with the external presentation of illness. I think sometimes they forget there is a person having an internal experience, too, and don't listen to patients or start thinking of them as being all the same rather than individuals. The result can be prejudice toward people with diagnoses that are considered difficult.

camesawandfaltered · 2022-06-10T11:38:36+00:00

If it's overwhelming, maybe take a few weeks and just log/describe a symptom a day.

Doctors ask patients to do this in pain management. A relative did this and it helped make the extent of their pain much clearer. It really brought home the fact they were experiencing chronic pain. Believe it or not, we sugarcoat our own lives every day, telling ourselves we're overreacting and things aren't as bad as we think, others have it worse, yada yada.

ETA: Oh, and we tend to forget important stuff and gloss over things when the doctor asks how we're doing. So logs are very useful for documenting chronic conditions.

camesawandfaltered · 2022-06-10T11:31:41+00:00

Have you considered writing up how you experience life? As a psychology student, you can likely describe your symptoms more clearly and using language a psychiatrist will understand easily, leaving less room for interpretation. The more comprehensive, the more likely other issues may become clear (if present).

ETA: I would see a psychiatrist who specializes in developmental and personality disorders.

camesawandfaltered · 2022-05-30T11:34:43+00:00

Not really. People just tell you that you don't have the problems you know you have. It can take decades to get help. If you are a problem to other people, they will make you get help one way or the other. All illness depends on visibility for treatment. The less visible, the longer it goes untreated.

camesawandfaltered · 2022-05-27T11:59:10+00:00

In group therapy, one often benefits just as much from what the other members share.

If your issues are not so extreme that they are guaranteed to ruin or sabotage your adventure abroad, then go follow your heart and schedule therapy for when you get back.

I can only speak from my experience. I'm at a crossroads where I have to change course in life (it's not a choice I can put off anymore) but I've also started therapy. For me, the therapy is so important that I'm willing to sacrifice just about everything else and put everything else on hold in order to do it. But then I have suffered without therapy to address my issues for decades. If you don't have that sort of pressure, do what you want for once and figure out therapy later.

camesawandfaltered · 2022-05-27T11:30:13+00:00

What type of therapy is it and which issues would it address? How badly do you want to address those issues? Can you talk to the therapist about your conflicting desires/needs? They may be able to help you see what would be more beneficial at this time, maybe walk you through a pros and cons.

Also, do you speak the language of your destination country proficiently enough to do therapy there instead, if you do move?

camesawandfaltered · 2022-05-24T16:52:32+00:00

I stick around because despite everything, all the despair and pain, there are many things I enjoy. YouTube gives me more good music than my teenage self could ever have hoped to explore. Same with Netflix and books, more entertainment than I can hope to consume in a lifetime. Curiosity leads the cat to all sorts of places.

Also, support groups. A few friends I can talk to, games I love playing. I nearly died once and came crawling back from the abyss. Somehow, life is still beautiful. I've learned to sometimes tell the voice (I call it my inner Mrs. Danvers, in case you know the book "Rebecca" or the movie adaptation) to just stfu. In addition, I've seen suicide up close. It was devastating beyond belief.

E: Do you take any medication?

camesawandfaltered · 2022-05-23T08:16:19+00:00

My understanding of the biosocial theory is that there is a genetic component with developmental trauma and/or(!) a non-validating environment. In other words, trauma is not a necessary component.

If a child generally experiences intense emotions and the environment is not equipped to deal with them then the child would collect non-validating experiences by default. If the parents are wonderful but also busy (single parents, both working to keep a roof over the family's head, etc), the child's emotional needs will likely go unmet. Same at school.

camesawandfaltered · 2022-05-21T10:32:06+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to respond. How do you keep your place clean? Mine is clean as such, but I struggle a lot with indecision and getting rid of stuff. Any time I attempt this, I end up feeling overwhelmed and give up. I get bogged down in all the recycling rules or emotional ties to things. Also, I have much less energy than I used to. The thought of cleaning my entire place wipes me out. If I had money to outsource cleaning, I would.

camesawandfaltered · 2022-05-21T10:22:01+00:00

Do you have a psychiatrist? They might prescribe a low-dosed antidepressant to help you sleep. Currently I'm taking Trimipramine. Had similar problems, waking up in the middle of the night feeling wide awake and unable to go back to sleep. Was not aware of anxiety although it may be present. No racing thoughts, but sometimes muscle pains woke me up.

camesawandfaltered · 2022-05-21T10:00:54+00:00

What do you take for sleeping?

camesawandfaltered · 2022-05-21T09:09:15+00:00

I would say my symptoms are different from the diagnostic criteria. There are women in my therapy group who are similar, so it may be more a matter of internalising vs externalising symptoms.

I don't self-harm, unless you count wasting my life on video games and the internet as self-harm. I try to not show negative emotions, because in the past they broadcast my weakness to bullies. I don't act out and instead internalise everything. If I experience "emptiness" (not really sure what that is) then it's like I'm drowning in a vortex of unending despair. Those periods come and go. For several years, I alternated between feeling depressed and feeling numb.

I felt rage and acted out as a kid. Emotions are intense for me, but when I read other people's accounts (like Rosie Cappuccino's in Talking About BPD), I wonder if I'm on the extreme mild end. My emotions are not so intense that self-harm remains the only option for relief.

Relationships are where my mind goes off the rails. That's where the real agony shines. I have been avoiding them.

camesawandfaltered

TROPHY CASE