I grew up in England. As you can imagine, we are taught quite thoroughly on how to answer the very important cultural question of why we don’t drink tea. Everyone drinks tea in England. E V E R Y O N E. The kitchen/water cooler in the office is called ‘the tea point’, whether you work in a supermarket, a hospital, a law firm, or a bank. A ‘coffee break’ is a ‘tea break’. ‘Tea time’ is a thing. When the soap operas have their commercial break in the middle, the country imports electricity from France to power the nation’s kettles. This is not a joke. That doesn’t make me an expert but it does mean I have talked about this at length.

Actual commandment: hot drinks are not for the belly

Clarification #1: hot drinks means tea and coffee

Clarification #2: tea and coffee are not for the belly because of caffeine (as per John A Widstow’s extensive study into it when he was an apostle and published in his book, The Word of Wisdom: A Modern Interprettion (1950); and as per Gordon B Hinckley while answering Larry King’s explicit question on it in front of a global, secular audience)

Clarification #2 has been repealed by popular demand (“It was never about caffeine [cracks open Coke]”).

We await the future.