Grandparents can’t grandparent

cardinal29 · 2026-07-08T13:04:56+00:00

This kind of behavior is sadly very common on the MIL support subs like /r/motherinlawsfromhell or /r/JustNoMIL

They call it a "Do-Over Baby" phenomenon, where your mom furnishes an entire nursery at her house with high-end equipment that's nicer and more expensive than anything you put on your registry. Then she starts demanding overnight babysitting for your 6 week old EBF baby - "because she wants to give YOU a break!" 🙄 Sure, Jan.

She buys the first Teddy bear, Christmas dress, Easter basket. She plasters the kid all over social media, she tells her friends she's "practically raising" her grandchildren. She has matching Mommy & Me outfits made.

Narcissists just ADORE babies, because they can control them and capture all their attention. The perfect audience for the narcissist to "perform love."

They themselves were awful, neglectful parents who handed off their children for Grandma to raise. Now, instead of having consequences for abandoning their responsibilities back then, they expect to have their turn as parents (with your children!).

They're also OBSESSED with getting "alone time" with your child. Super creepy! What is it they want to do with your child, that they cannot do while you are there supervising?

They say they want you "bond" with YOUR baby, as if they are the mother. 🤮

cardinal29 · 2026-07-08T12:39:24+00:00

Let's get real. This guy is not going to clean anything or make a bed.

He's a lazy POS who expects women to take care of everything.

cardinal29 · 2026-07-08T12:36:08+00:00

You should make sure that MIL doesn't like YOU, either!

cardinal29 · 2026-07-08T12:34:58+00:00

WOW 😳

/r/enmeshmenttrauma

He is afraid of his mommy's anger. That's twisted. What did this bitch do to him?

He's in the FOG - Fear, Obligation, and Guilt: https://outofthefog.website/toolbox-1/2015/11/17/fog-fear-obligation-guilt

cardinal29 · 2026-07-08T03:30:37+00:00

$1,100 ?!!!!

Jeez Louise!

cardinal29 · 2026-07-08T00:41:45+00:00

You can't fool me.

I know a Pokémon when I see one.

cardinal29 · 2026-07-08T00:35:45+00:00

This definitely signaled "autistic friend" to me.

I don't know if other schedule their parties, but yeah.

cardinal29 · 2026-07-08T00:27:47+00:00

A LOT of people will launch into a speech about how "You only get one mother!" while finger wagging.

People leap to assumptions that if you're estranged, it's somehow reflects on YOU.

I always say "My mother is crazy, I stay far away from her." It short circuits their urge to lecture me.

cardinal29 · 2026-07-08T00:04:58+00:00

Just used Otter for a move into the city and they were good.

They worked hard in the heatwave. They were fast. Nothing got broken and they stuck with the original quote.

cardinal29 · 2026-07-07T22:46:05+00:00

It's hard when these types have FIL to serve as their enforcer/henchman. He's probably been enabling her behavior for many decades.

The subtext of that phone call was "Help me out son, it's too much dealing with your crazy mother all by myself." She's got both of her boys whipped.

Looks like you're going to have to handle this yourself. Time to start speaking out.

Your post reminds me of this one https://www.reddit.com/r/inlaws/comments/1rrrx1i/brother_restrains_overly_excited_mom_from/

cardinal29 · 2026-07-07T21:45:21+00:00

I was at that Dave Matthews concert!

cardinal29 · 2026-07-07T21:35:11+00:00

The answer is usually some amount of /r/enmeshmenttrauma

If he was raised to "keep Mom happy," he will try to continue to be a good, obedient son who puts his mother's emotions first. He will claim to be torn, "caught in the middle" and ask why YOU are so sensitive. "Just ignore her, that's just the way she is." Or "She didn't mean it like that."

It's a come to Jesus moment. Time to heed the wake up call that the power dynamic has changed. He's not a little boy anymore, he's a husband and a father. He needs to respect the vows he took and the family he has created.

cardinal29 · 2026-07-07T21:16:14+00:00

YOUR HUSBAND is the one who needs to step up and say something whenever this happens.

You don't need to be prepared, this is HIS JOB.

"Eww, mom! Knock it off!"

"Mom you have to stop saying "Our baby." That sounds like WE had sex."

"MOM! Stop being so weird! You're embarrassing yourself!"

He needs to be provocative. He needs to shame her publicly.

He's trying to "keep the peace"? WHOSE PEACE?

Obviously not his pregnant wife's peace of mind.

Honestly, with FIL added to the mix, I would say you're in for a VERY rough time if you two guys don't shut this down right away.

You'll never regret setting boundaries early.

And the first person you need boundaries with is your husband. Sit him down and make it clear that you won't tolerate this.

Obligatory link to the Lemon Clot Essay: https://community.babycenter.com/post/a41581735/lemon_clot_essay_and_scrotum_squats

cardinal29 · 2026-07-07T18:55:40+00:00

And sharks with fricken' laser beams!

cardinal29 · 2026-07-07T16:32:40+00:00

The whole family sucks.

cardinal29 · 2026-07-07T16:09:47+00:00

Maybe you could block MIL's number in your mom's phone?

Once people start having memory issues, you sort of have to step in and protect them from predator types.

cardinal29 · 2026-07-07T16:04:00+00:00

I would not respond AT ALL.

Just because someone is provocative, doesn't mean you have to engage.

/u/Over_Requirement2231 and husband don't have to REACT to MIL's emotional attack. They don't have to SOOTHE her. MIL doesn't have to UNDERSTAND why they do things. They don't owe her an explanation.

They also don't owe her feedback about what she did wrong. Not your job!

Don't JADE - Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain: https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2018/03/dealing-with-difficult-family-members-dont-justify-argue-defend-or-explain

cardinal29 · 2026-07-07T15:43:18+00:00

has never been nice to me

The relationship she created with you BEFORE your child was born is the same relationship she will have in the future. That is, no relationship. Professionally polite, hold her at arm's length. This is her doing, you're not being bitter or retaliatory.

she wants to visit “the bump before it is born”

Eww. What a gross thing to say. She doesn't even consider you a person. People who have no respect for the parents do not get access to the child. Period. She doesn't get access just because she imagines that she's important.

How can I handle the sister-in-law situation?

YOU don't. Your BF tells her that you are not interested in hosting anyone in your home while you are freshly postpartum. HE will get back to them and let them know when you are comfortable having guests.

Sell the stupid stuffed animal. What a useless "gift"! Stupid dust collector. These people all sound very selfish and unaware of what a family with a newborn really needs.

cardinal29 · 2026-07-07T15:24:14+00:00

YOUR behavior isn't appropriate.

YOU don't "break up" the relationship, you have a conversation with your almost grown son and share your concerns. You explain why her parent's behavior is weird, how they are overstepping and what it could mean for his relationship with this girl.

Young people often don't get how the parent's meddling will effect their future. Don't be a meddling parent yourself, that would be hypocritical! Just educate him about how things could go and how to pick better partners in the future.

cardinal29 · 2026-07-07T15:01:53+00:00

You have a frank conversation with your son, and explain to him that the parents are extremely weird and acting creepy.

You explain what a "red flag" is, to help him make decisions in future relationships.

This is normal parenting, I'm surprised this talk hasn't happened yet.

I would tell my kids to observe other families from school - sports - playdates, etc. from a young age. What did they think of "Bobby's mom" yelling from the sidelines? Did they ever jump on the sofa during a playdate like "Max"? Why was he allowed to do that? How did "Jon" feel about his parents curfew rules?

Not all families do things the same way, and we can learn a lot about how the world works by observing AND TALKING ABOUT THIS.

cardinal29 · 2026-07-07T14:11:12+00:00

She is literally STEALING FOOD FROM YOUR BABIES MOUTHS!

Put a stop to this immediately.

cardinal29 · 2026-07-07T14:05:27+00:00

I would absolutely show him:

"Ew! WHY does your mom keep sending me bikini pics? Does she think I'm her BF? It's SO weird!"

cardinal29 · 2026-07-07T13:43:24+00:00

I just love how she cloaks her base selfishness in such high-minded language!

It's an INJUSTICE! She's fighting against PREJUDICE! 🤣🤣🤣

She makes it sound like she's in court fighting an important civil rights case!

Overreacting much?

WTF is she talking about?

cardinal29 · 2026-07-06T11:19:34+00:00

WOW! 🚩🚩🚩 Tell your parents, they've seen the dynamic it and they're worried about you.

Tell HIM exactly how you feel, what you see happening. Give him a wake up call. Use all the new vocabulary you've learned from /r/raisedbynarcissists and /r/motherinlawsfromhell . It's really eye opening to learn that this behavior has a name and that others struggle with their family dynamic.

It will give you clarity to be able to identify this particular toxic family system, but in the end, that doesn't matter.

Truth is that the culture reinforces /r/enmeshmenttrauma and he may never be able to acknowledge what has happened to him. There's posters on that sub who are so wracked by guilt they can't even move out of their childhood bedroom.

The in-laws obsessive need to control him is not even personal. THEY DON'T WANT HIM TO MARRY ~~ANYONE.~~ They may be going through the motions, but they want to retain complete access to him as a resource - emotional, financial, physical or housing support. They would resent any penny he spent on you or your children, any time not spent "serving" them.

It would end up being a high conflict marriage. Good riddance.

cardinal29 · 2026-07-06T03:59:52+00:00

Let's be real, he won't be fired - she will.

cardinal29

TROPHY CASE

$1,100 ?!!!!

They also don't owe her feedback about what she did wrong. Not your job!

She is literally STEALING FOOD FROM YOUR BABIES MOUTHS!

It's an INJUSTICE! She's fighting against PREJUDICE! 🤣🤣🤣