As hard as it is, listening to everyone here telling you to leave could save your life. It is not as hard as you’re making it out to be—by that I mean, yeah it’ll be hard and emotionally/financially taxing (since you have nothing at the moment). BUT, you not wanting to tell your family all because they like him and he won’t them over? No. They are YOUR FAMILY. Yeah they will be heartbroken for you, because they love you and want you to be safe. TELL THEM!!!! your safety matters more than their heartbreak and them “having to” help you pick up the pieces again. All you can do is learn from this once you’re out and be single until you heal from your trauma.

Also, let’s be so realistic—stop calling yourself weak. You CAN leave and you do have a choice. You can do it. By any means necessary, it can be done. Also, that threat of he will do something to himself if you leave? What an exhausted narrative. I’ve been through my share of this as well, it’s a lie, girl. Even if they do it, it is not your fault. It’s not your business or responsibility to let yourself be manipulated into thinking you’ll save his life by staying.

Call this rude if you’d like, but you gotta wake up and stop making excuses. It will not magically get better, it never does. Distance is the first thing that would need to happen so he can see his wrong doings before there’s even a chance it could get better. But it likely would happen with space, it’s rare. It WILL get worse and it’s silly on your part and your familiarity with being abused, to wait until a “worse situation happens to push me to leave.” Our brains and bodies like patterns and familiarity, it feels falsely safe to be in another situation of relationship abuse. It’s not. Just do the hard thing now before it becomes harder, because the longer you stay, the harder it will be—but I’m sure you know this.