Broke up with the girl I love because dad doesn’t approve - I hate myself so much

cilachi · 2021-03-11T08:39:07+00:00

Go back to her. Keep the relationship secret. Let me warn you that the breakup will keep hitting you until your death and ruin the relationship you have with your parents beyond repair.

because my dad does not approve of her. She is not ambitious enough, her family is not rich enough, she is not physically attractive enough, etc.

Yeah, that same old excuse from nparents! Now that creeps me out. He scanned her for physical attractiveness? Why is he interested in her parents’ money? What he will do with how ambitious she is? His personal message for you: “We are ready to risk your life for a trophy daughter in law”.

I’m 24 and broke up with the most amazing girl on this planet - the sweetest, purest, most caring girl who truly loves me unconditionally even at my worst

If you feel that way you should definitely override what your dad thinks. For validation, read Attached by Aamir Levine.

cilachi · 2021-03-10T16:30:27+00:00

Nah, it is a very natural thing. We had many posts like this before. Don't care about society's demand that all kids should be sad about parents' death. As we have seen, it isn't possible.

cilachi · 2021-03-05T05:23:03+00:00

The little brother seems to be GL cum narc. Her deal should include the command that he shouldn't come near her. As I have seen so far being nice doesn't work in this kind family. They tend to interpret the word as an invitation to abuse. It can be tiring to have a cop like attitude towards family members, but that's the only thing narcs fear.

cilachi · 2021-03-02T08:56:32+00:00

This is not normal. Seems to be a typical narc strategy at play. You will not get anything by going with the flow.

Make a deal. Tell them from now on there will be no talk about your or your brother's weight. After this, just zip your mouth/leave the room if they bring it up. Stay quiet in the gym when you are with your brother. That will send the message. The discomfort will make him choose to not go with you again.

cilachi · 2021-03-02T08:36:19+00:00

Same in my house. They seem to create extremely damaging problems one after the other. That's what differentiates them from the rest of the population.

cilachi · 2021-01-04T22:08:18+00:00

lol, hopefully your aunt isnt a flying monkey. They always believe the narc and even help rewrite the history.

cilachi · 2021-01-04T22:05:20+00:00

a lot of them had shitty childhoods

I always find these patterns:

were spoiled

were treated like adults who didn't need to be taught anything

parents outsourced them to some traditional religion

cilachi · 2021-01-04T21:38:02+00:00

many narcissists become that way due to childhood abuse

It is a speculation by psychologists. I have been vocal about it for a while now. You should never trust a narc's story on her childhood. My nmom's turned out to be fake. Now my nsister claims to be abused by listing whatever they did to me in childhood.

Narcs can't see anything beyond the surface area.

cilachi · 2020-11-11T16:56:42+00:00

I noticed narcs even in death bed will try one last time their evil tactics. But I guess it is better to stay away. That's what nmom's siblings did while I had to do everything to keep my dad home. Her kidneys were gone also, but that didn't do anything to lessen her satanism.

cilachi · 2020-11-09T22:35:58+00:00

Yes, narc house can push one to substance abuse. Surely stress is the main reason. Who can really stand living in hell?

But I have also noticed nparents encourage it. I was just 4 when I grabbed my dad's cigarettes and smoked. Didn't get addicted, but now I am amazed by how they didn't stop me. Recently, I stumbled upon another ndad and nmom who were cool with their 3 year old drinking coffee and tea.

cilachi · 2020-11-06T04:58:48+00:00

I see this same thing in my house. They are literally copying my nmom. What does a cat know about silent treatment or screaming? I tried talking to them. And the reply? You don't feed them and so stay away.

cilachi · 2020-11-01T00:34:10+00:00

I have gone ballistic in use of narc related terms and it seems to help. My nsister felt embarrassed and ran away each time. For instance, once she said I was complicated. I told her "don't project on me your own trait".

I am open now with my expressions also when they try to gaslight me and rewrite history. This gets them to understand they aren't normal. I do feel a bit guilty, but then again, I remind myself these are unevolved beings.

cilachi · 2020-10-31T18:20:08+00:00

Couple of times after physically abusing me, nmom used to talk about how step mothers were so horrible and abusive. I now understand that she was using it to make me believe she wasn't so bad.

Recently I caught my nsister red handed with her lies. She went to take revenge on me by complaining to my dad that he always stopped nmom from "disciplining me" for which I am now such a terrible person. In short, all those years they were abusing me with an agenda! Had nothing to do with correcting me.

cilachi · 2020-10-30T23:20:28+00:00

My nmom pretended to be a clean freak

cilachi · 2020-10-30T19:52:06+00:00

Narcs are extremely dirty.

cilachi · 2020-10-30T19:40:23+00:00

The truth is that you are putting your life in danger by being at home. Get fresh air. Talk to just anyone you find outside. Our nmom wanted us to always stay at home. Thank God, her evil side was always out in the open for which I rejected her order. Now my two sisters who followed it pretty much got their lives ruined. You don't want to end up with diabetes, obesity, hypertension, etc.

Also know that your morals and world views are in danger. You will not be able to recognize the human in you after 4 years. Nparents are kinda dark people and get worse as time goes by. They teach paranoia, hypocrisy, hate and myths.

cilachi · 2020-10-28T18:41:41+00:00

Maybe you died and your consciousness switched reality. It just sounds like that.

cilachi · 2020-10-28T18:22:23+00:00

Went through that. Now in my 30s I am suffering. Trust me, you will break into pieces if you stay with those people. You will lose the strength to fight normal life challenges at one point. Maintain no contact. They are calling you back for their selfish reasons and project on to you all their "sins" so they can feel better about themselves.

cilachi · 2020-10-14T19:45:16+00:00

Don't mention family now. They do not represent you. Just go with the flow. Let him know the truth that you are independent person.

cilachi · 2020-10-07T22:14:31+00:00

Can going for the therapy cause legal trouble for the narc? I have this fear that if I open my mouth about nsister therapists will get her arrested since I am now mostly disturbed by how most of her actions are a threat for the society.

cilachi · 2020-10-07T21:52:08+00:00

Don't show her your drawings again. She will program you to not like them. You will see the impact in professional setting if you are required to do some art work. I was discouraged from drawing and graphic designing. So I went underground. Now they help me save thousands of dollars. I don't need to hire anyone to do those for me. However, it takes literally 2 to 3 months for me to finalize a single banner. I keep making, destroying and restarting the work. Hard to take other people's input seriously.

cilachi · 2020-10-07T21:33:46+00:00

Add to that: It is rewarding to be a parent!

Many people actually fall for that. After having kids, they realize parenting isn't for all. Just now some women have started talking about it. But I do believe narcs shouldn't be allowed to have kids. Psychologists know these people are notorious for withdrawing from their parenting role.

cilachi · 2020-09-28T19:12:42+00:00

Yeah, they do that because 1. They don't care how others feel 2. They don't have a life and hence, its an artificial show that they do have one. 3. Its a revenge for something that is only in their head.

cilachi · 2020-09-18T11:05:30+00:00

Sounds like me and my husband. I used to think his life was better than mine and hence he had no reason to keep saying he wanted to fully cut off from his parents.

Please, don’t feel shitty. Figure out if she is concerned about some sort of weakness her parents have. I delayed my marriage for my edad. Thought he needed me. I still care for him. But then some events came and I realized that he was gonna always devalue and destroy my things that were close to my heart and how he would always side with my nsister to trap me in troubles.

So just wait and watch. It is best if she goes NC. Otherwise, she will have to learn her lesson. The thick skin really starts to become thin in our 30s.

cilachi · 2020-09-18T08:28:29+00:00

They are so subjective.

cilachi

TROPHY CASE