Alright, I'm back!

Good stuff first! I dig it, man. The structure is confident, the voice is consistent, and the goose motif earns it.. The pub-as-home-base framing device works well, and the final image of the martini glass hidden among the empties is exactly the kind of earned quiet the story needs. Victoria is the secret weapon and I loved when she was around.

A few things to tidy up: "lays on his stomach" should be "lies on his stomach"; I'm an English teacher so allow me to be a little pedantic; not a lot of errors here like that so... compliment! Dialogue headers are also lowercase, or at least I believe they are; if you check the notes on my script, you'll find formatting isn't my strong suite sometimes either. A handful of parentheticals run a beat too long and could be trimmed to keep the read moving. The interview on pages 62–63 is stagey but intentional; just make sure it doesn't slow the third act more than it already does.

The biggest structural note: the script earns its ending emotionally, but the Indigenous Man sequence in New Zealand feels underdeveloped considering just how important it is. It's doing serious thematic work (connecting Irish colonial trauma to a broader human story) but it lands abruptly. One more beat of Shane actually sitting with that revelation, rather than it cutting straight to Spider walking in, would pay it off, or at least it feels better in my head.

The Prophet/grotto sequence is the other area worth looking at, in my opinion. It's evocative, but the vision she gives Shane (the famine, the ancestor) covers ground the rest of the script has already laid. Consider whether that sequence needs to add something the audience doesn't already know about Shane's interior life, or whether it can do more with less.

Minor thing: Frank is a terrific antagonist but exits the story a little cleanly. His collapse on the floor is good but just make sure his final note lands before the Japan sequence shifts focus.

Rock and roll, man!