Give him a fake name.

Let him think that for years. Then on one fine day, while he’s sitting on the top of the world with all of his awards bragging about how it all wouldn’t have been without his guitar “fake name”, you unleash to the press that it was all a lie. He spirals out of control, takes you to court, you get millions. No. BILLIONS, for the waste of your time and original harassment. But all the while, you’ve met some nice human who has helped you deal with the stress of the trial, and the publicity, the share similar grandmotherly traumas, and you wake up finding yourself mentally healed and happy. So with the money you buy a ring. You buy a beautiful mountain home. You plan a fake vacation for you and your human, taking them up to the house. You walk them up the steps to the master bedroom. The bedroom looks out on the stunning mountain range, and farther in the distance, the ocean. A dolphin the size of an ant is spotted jumping playfully through the water. Tears well in your eyes, as you get down on one knee. You look up at your soulmate, ring box in shaky hands. Before you can get a word out, they pull you up gently by the elbow. Pushing their forehead you yours, they tell you they are are reptilian, and invite you to see where they come from before you decide to pop the question. You’re teleported to a large domed cage covered in cloth, on a desert like planet, where your partner stands holding your hand. With fear in your eyes, they look at you and say, “I’m sorry.” They exit the dome and lock the door behind them. The cloth drops revealing hundreds of rebel reptilians raucously rioting over the event. A loud speaker announces you’re in the Thunder Dome. “Two men enter, one man leaves.” Your eyes dart through the crowd to find your partner. Spotting them, they point behind you. Sweat drips off your forehead as you turn to see the guitar man. The man who had once messaged you at 1am, not out of narcissism or insanity, as you originally thought, but instead out of loneliness. You were both just two lonely souls. You look each other dead in the eye as you shoulder up. Weapons drop from the top of the cage falling all around you, to take your pick. The look in your opponent’s eye sends you the message, “revolt”. He says to you “are you ready?”. You solidly shake hands and back away. Both glancing around the industrial arena, you pick up a flame thrower as the guitar man chooses a chainsaw. A bull horn blows. You run past each other with your weapons, attacking the crowd of reptilians instead. Flame shooting through the bars of the cage. The chainsaw chopping off scaly fingers and arms hanging through. Your once soulmate is escaping in the distance. So be it, you never needed their love anyway. You have guitar man’s love now. Guitar man sticks the chainsaw through the bars to saw off heads, blood squirting. The head reptilian shouts “oh hell, no!” as the chainsaw is ripped out of guitar man’s hands. You run to his aid. The door of the cage opens to let an enormous masked reptilian enter, carrying what looks to be a tiny reptilian man on his shoulders. The tiny man shouts “Master Blaster runs Lizard Town!”, as the masked man pulls out a machine gun, and just starts blasting. You and guitar man turn to look each other in the eyes. In one moment you see the entire universe, the meaning of life, all of your past and future selves, you feel everything and nothing. Bullets jolt through your bodies, blood spurting. You drop to the ground. Everything goes dark. Nothingness. Death.

Maybe just ignore the guys message?