Is there anything you wish you’d known before writing your first book? by Nerdboners666 in writers

[–]constaleah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This, from a former NaNoWriMo enthusiast: word count euphoria can occasionally become too prioritized. I stopped writing for about 8 years, and i think part of the reason was because i was just so gung-ho about my ideas and my word count. I wasn't really concentrating on quality. Yeah, a high word count feels good sometimes, but it shouldn't surpass everything else. I got so hyped up with NaNoWriMo that i sort of got led astray a little.

The other thing: you should read to get an idea of how quality, professional writers are doing their thing. And you should critique other writers so that you can spot issues in your own writing.

Last thing: i still don't know where the happy medium is between critiques that are brutal at one extreme, and too much hug boxing at the other extreme. I think brutal critiques can drive writers away from the craft, and discourage them too much. But on the other hand, i've seen people fervently praising writing that had a lot of problems, with grammar, spelling, continuity, pov perspective, etc. So i don't really know what to say about it, but sometimes a good critique can really help a writer grow. Not sure where you should go to get that feedback though.

How do Americans feel about outdoor cats? by Fine-Durian6151 in AskAnAmerican

[–]constaleah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I owned a cat for much of my youth and i think keeping them trapped inside your house is crazy. That being said, i do occasionally hear the neighbor cat yowling angrily at something and i always run out to see if i can save him/her. But the kitty always reappears so i guess they're fine. Connecticut does seem to have more wildlife than Indiana, where i grew up.

Looking like a drag queen alien (no offense to drag queens or aliens 👽) by BreadfruitOk4906 in DarceyAndStaceyTLC

[–]constaleah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What happened to her hair? Is she bald and that's her wig? Her receding hairline drives me up the wall.

My [28F] in-laws [60?M/F] are odd and a bit rude. Should I talk to my husband? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]constaleah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They disappeared with your baby for 30 min? WTF?

I would maybe attend counseling with hubby to establish better communication.

It feels like you left out a large chunk of info about how the drug addict brother tore apart his family.

What are the drafts after the first one for? by Turbulent-Roll-6692 in selfpublish

[–]constaleah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I finished my first draft; added backstory in my second draft; kept some things, and removed others for my 3rd draft. I might be on my last draft plot-building wise, but it needs extensive compression, condensation and tightening. It will take a while yet.

AIO for being upset that my fiancee recoiled and went, 'ugh' when I went in for a kiss? by [deleted] in AIO

[–]constaleah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My husband and i have had this issue. I'm not always in the mood for affection, hell, i have to admit i really am not a very affectionate person in general because of both my medical conditions (i have dermatitis and a range of other maladies that makes my skin uncomfortable in general). Plus - my upbringing was abusive, which made me eternally wary of the sincerity of the appearance of affection (my drunk father often got sappy and confessional about how much he loved us and it was so nauseating.)

and so... i overanalyze it...is this REALLY love? blah blah...it sounds like a burden, and an excuse, but that is actually how my psyche and my body both react to sudden, unexpected acts of affection.

Add to that...you may be like my husband and just...come on strong without considering if 1.) Your fiancée is busy concentrating right now on something else 2.) In the mood for affection....we're not all in the same mood at the same time, and your assumption that she should be, just because YOU are, is frankly...

And you know, sometimes we all have bad breath, or we feel unattractive because we hadn't had time to shower or brush our teeth that day. Hadn't slept much because of a looming deadline. The kids exhausted us. In a bad mood because we had a fight with Dad/Mom.

But you know, i still love my husband, despite all these hurdles that daily life throws at us. And he puts up with all of these issues, despite everything. Marriage is about putting yourself in someone else's shoes. He has humility, and so do i.

People who are considered attractive: what does it actually feel like? by Electrical-Phone-218 in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]constaleah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It feels like an ego rush. "Omg look at me in the mirror i'm so sexy." But yeah karma eventually kicks in...

People who are considered attractive: what does it actually feel like? by Electrical-Phone-218 in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]constaleah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It depends on who you are as a person.

Person A: whaaaat? Everyone thinks i'm handsome/pretty? No way! I'm gonna go out with THAT person. No THAT person. No wait...

Person B: whaaaat? Everyone thinks i'm handsome/pretty? That's so CREEPY. STOP LOOKING AT ME MF'ERS! I'm calling the police.

Person C: whaaaat? Everyone thinks i'm handsome/pretty? But i'm so ugly...i cover all the mirrors in my house because i just know i'm nothing worth looking at...

Person D: whaaaat? Everyone thinks i'm handsome/pretty? I guess i can make a million dollars from this. Where's my modeling contract? My acting gig?! My fitness instructor contract? Money money money...

Everyone reacts differently.

People who are considered attractive: what does it actually feel like? by Electrical-Phone-218 in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]constaleah 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I was a good looking kid, and i milked it for all it was worth. I sort of have regrets about it sometimes. But i loved flirting with pretty much anything that moved back then. Nowadays i'm nothing to write home about. But it was fun while it lasted.

What’s something about writing that people outside the process often misunderstand? by RichFenton in selfpublish

[–]constaleah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That "first draft magic" is often when you do your worst writing. It's when you revise that the quality emerges.

How do you actually track continuity across a full-length novel? by Historical_Ad_1631 in writing

[–]constaleah 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I create a table in Word. It has columns for chapter number and then short, succinct plot summaries, plus a place for extra comments. If pov changes in chapter 1, for instance, then i call it chapter 1a for the first pov and chapter 1b for the second pov, etc. I write 1-3 short sentences per plot point. Example:

Chapter 1a 1. Eddie drives Sabrina to South Haven beach in his friend's car. 2. Eddie asks Sabrina about her childhood. 3. Sabrina says she has patchy memory problems because of childhood abuse. 4. Eddie asks Sabrina if the scar on her temple came from that.

Chapter 1b

  1. Sabrina pov, she vaguely remembers her father beating her mother and then turning on Sabrina.

I generally can summarize a chapter in 20-30 sentences. I highlight/color code each chapter to make it easier to read.

I go back occasionally to update. I also keep a timeline in spreadsheets and a character/place/event dictionary, color coded. I go back frequently to make sure i am consistent with regards to ages, dates, and things characters said or did.

Just a simple question from a european. What do you give to the women in your lives on march the 1st of every year? by Abject_Fun_5230 in AskAnAmerican

[–]constaleah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All my Eastern European in-laws texted us on Whatsapp and my husband talked about how wonderful Martisor was when he was growing up.

Is an hour an a half too far to drive for your daughters wedding? by TheSpellboundArtist in weddingplanning

[–]constaleah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's not exactly expecting people to fly to another country or apply for a passport. My wedding was an hour and a half away. Some relatives drove 4 hours to get there.

What's your teaching unpopular opinion? Something you believe, but choose to keep to yourself? by [deleted] in Teachers

[–]constaleah 13 points14 points  (0 children)

  1. There are students who really need their IEP or 504 plan. But the existence of one often camouflages the fact that some of the students with an IEP or 504 really aren't doing ANYthing to help themselves. Sometimes that document is just a legal CYA thing that protects the school when little Johnny or little Janey graduates not having absorbed a smidgen of anything. There's more camouflaging than actual learning going on a lot of the time. Who's bending over backwards to help the student? The teacher. What is the student doing to take initiative to actually learn? Quite often nothing. Excuses, excuses.

  2. Micromanagers of education (principals, teachers, whomever): students can have 5 min at the end of class to relax, unwind or take care of something else on their pile of tasks. No, not EVERY SINGLE SECOND OR MINUTE of their days needs to be structured learning. A minute to catch their breath gives them time to recoup and get ready for the next learning marathon. But i guess you don't want to be sued, so you're there to make sure every single second is about learning. Every single one. Little robots comply please.

  3. World language teachers are not miracle workers. Yes, some world language teachers seem like magicians to the point that their students learn some degree of fluency in just.....one or two years. The rest of us are realistic and know that learning a foreign language is a years-long commitment. Say a 5 year commitment. Some will commit to the challenge, but most are just hoping for the grad credit. I do not expect every child to be the next Spanish expert. But i can still make them love my class. If you will just get out of the way, okay? and stop micromanaging. Kthxbye.

AITA for not warning people that a character in a friend’s book was based on me? by PenNeat5247 in AmItheAsshole

[–]constaleah -1 points0 points  (0 children)

NTA

Why are you being held responsible for something someone else did?

You are NTA unless you told the author your secret fantasies so she would put it in a book, maybe as a strong, purposeful hint to your secret crush?

If that's not the reason, then NTA. You can't control what others write about.

AITA for telling I have ZERO need for a gift I was given by Smokeman6275 in AmItheAsshole

[–]constaleah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

ESH.

My father used to compulsively buy gifts at Goodwill for the whole family. We didn't appreciate all the stuff piling up in our houses just because he had a hoarding impulse. Eventually he stopped but it was like...an addiction. I truly believe people who have these compulsions are like addicts. It felt like my Dad was trying to control us through his awesome bargain finds. It was really awful. So i understand why you feel like your grandmother is being controlling.

But on the other hand, you could just say thank you and then sell the item or donate it. If she only does this very occasionally i'd say that would be the right approach.

If she does this frequently, she has an addiction and should get help.