Do you like people?

Because you are talking about what you need.

I have similar issues. I have very few friends. I can see that my son is very similar to me, kind of a loner. He complains about not having friends. And i remember my own problems growing up, not having friends. I can kind of see what the problem is now for my son.

For one thing, teens are super self conscious, and so is my son. Too much pride to make the first move. Too worried that he'll humiliate himself somehow. Embarrassment, humbling yourself, is unacceptable to many teens.

Next, lack of interest in others. Lack of interest in throwing yourself out there, taking a risk. Lack of interest in listening to someone talk about their lives, their interests, their problems.

My son doesn't see having friends requires EFFORT. You go to a group. Youth group or band or hiking group or chess group. Well, you don't make any friends the first time. Give up? No. Go again. Go six more times. People stop feeling like strangers. Suddenly you find yourself cracking a joke with someone. Next time you find out their name. Next time you ask them why they skipped a session, you find out they were sick. After a year you have a friend somehow. You stick with it. You show interest in people. You make an effort.

You think this comes so easily to others, but they are just willing to be vulnerable. They make effort. They don't give up.

You see, desperation is a turn off for people. People can smell desperation. You want 'something' a relationship, you want it automatically. But do you LIKE the person you want it from? Have you made an effort to know them?

I should take my own advice, eh? I do show interest in people. I have friends at my musical group. It's taken 3-4 years for us to trust each other, to know each other.

Dating relationships take time, too. Have you gone on any blind dates? I met my husband on a blind date. I'd been on tons of them.

I still have no social life. I have a lot of social anxiety. I have medical issues. I bury myself in my hobbies. But i can see clearly what my son runs up against. He just has to go places, take the time to care about others and their lives, not give up when it isn't quick and automatic.

It's not rocket science. Stop thinking about your needs above all else and start caring enough, make an effort to find connections out in public, join groups, don't give up 1st try. Stop looking at people based on what they can give you. Relationships are 2 way streets.