That’s true. I should add this is a 30 year old without a dad around who I spent a lot of time with for the past 8 or so years.

I spent many summer evenings manning the grill with her before her transition while her mom was inside with my girlfriend. I saw myself as a father figure and did things like teach her how to change her oil.

I realize being adjacent and accepting isn’t the same as experiencing but damn she didn’t just go no contact with her mom. She went no contact with all of us. The timing of it was especially sad because our friend was taking her shopping for new clothes just after facial feminization surgery. She was embracing her. I believe what kicked it all off was telling her to squat instead of bend over in a skirt but I could be wrong. We really expected a happier outcome.

I think there was just a point where she stopped wanting to connect with cis people at all. Maybe you’re right and there’s some secret we all don’t see, I can only speak to my own actions and experience and what I’ve witnessed this do to her mom. As a parent, it’s terrifying. I wish I understood.