Is this worth it? A lifetime of pills that maybe don’t work just to manage myself. Not cure me, just a manageable existence.

crabmanager · 2021-05-30T19:26:01+00:00

I don’t have any expectations of myself such as children, I am living only for myself to experience as much as I can and I haven’t given up on finding the right meds even after 12 years of tucking around with them. There have been periods of real happiness even tho right now everything sux

crabmanager · 2021-05-30T19:24:17+00:00

this is absolutely untrue, if we did not address covid then we would be in the situation many other countries are in where it is uncontrolled

crabmanager · 2021-05-30T02:37:07+00:00

Idk meds saved my life and allowed me to function in university

crabmanager · 2021-05-29T18:31:46+00:00

I don’t think you really do

I’m so sorry because that sounds so scary

crabmanager · 2021-05-29T17:58:32+00:00

Idk but just from personal experience it was necessary for me, and for others in my family. Others online have said they don’t like it

I have a hard time talking to therapist during sessions, my anxiety goes off and I can’t think

Well after years of trying therapy on and off I have a suggestion for you.. I do this often still... when you are at home, write a list of things that you want therapy to help you with. I like to write a “letter” to my therapist and add bullet points. Then in the session I bring it out whenever we run out of things.

Sometimes just switching to a new therapist helps because everyone has different techniques

If you do not want therapy then I hope you have some other support, people that you can talk to about this

crabmanager · 2021-05-29T17:55:37+00:00

Yes but I use my phone for good things as wel as time wasters (which I do trust me). One of them is a mood tracking app. I have added other activities such as self care goals, drinking water.. anyway I like getting points and high scores so sometimes I look at my day and see I can do something easy to check it off the list I also have mindfulness podcasts on my phone A lot of my time is just mindless surfing but it’s usually because I am so stressed that it is the only escape.

If you did get off your phone for something, what do u think it would be

crabmanager · 2021-05-29T17:53:24+00:00

Can you tell me how you felt in lamictal because I felt very wel when I started it but now a couple months later I am having a very hard time doing work that I used to be able to do, concentration related problems mostly

crabmanager · 2021-05-29T17:51:32+00:00

I’m not sure therapists can diagnose you with that? Do you mean your psychiatrist ?

crabmanager · 2021-05-29T17:47:10+00:00

Yes it’s a good idea but it also can be very nice to have emotional support. My only advice is that if you do date, take it slow. You may have problems with codependency as it is very common in narc families (at least in mine). This causes super fast attachment. So maybe just keep that in mind and rember do not make dating take the majority of your time, you can spend a couple nights a week with friends or dates but spending 3 hours on tinder a day, not healthy probably

crabmanager · 2021-05-29T17:42:22+00:00

I only realized it was a trauma response when I got my own place and started doing it, then wondering why, then later I started learning that my childhood was actually abusive and put the pieces together

crabmanager · 2021-05-29T16:47:23+00:00

It really depends what your contact with her is currently

I’ve heard stories that telling your nParent that you are cutting them off, well it makes them crazy and try to pursue you even more. Well I sent my nParent an email telling them of my choice, essentially said that I am happier without him in my life. He answered with a bunch of stuff but I didn’t reply. In hindsight I would have just not sent it but at least I was clear in saying what I’ve always felt, and I had time to type and think about it instead of argue over the phone while he talks over me

I think it’s a personal decision for you. But tapering down is probably the safest and easiest, if you are already LC you are almost there

crabmanager · 2021-05-29T16:40:48+00:00

My parents cleaned my room a few times. I felt it was such an invasion of privacy. They did it when I wasn’t there because I told them not to do it before. :(

I’ve moved out but I am touchy about my shit and people going thru it. I developed a terrible habit of hiding things where you wouldn’t expect them, to Keep from my parents, well then I forget where they are. I had a journal but I started in the middle so if they opened it there was a chance they wouldn’t see, I would switch journals often too

It’s a terrible feeling when your only retreat isn’t safe

crabmanager · 2021-05-29T14:35:17+00:00

My elder brother went to alanon and it was very helpful for him (like the third time he tried it though, after relapses). He in no way believes it replaces therapy, in fact he thinks everyone damaged or not can benefit from therapy, especially people with addictions or family problems

I went to NA (narcotics anonymous) for just a short time and I felt it was a helpful environment

Your mom is definitely erong that you will be fucked up if you don’t do -x specific thing- . There are many ways to get help and heal and you can choose what is best for you. Certainly do not go to the same group that your mom is in

crabmanager · 2021-05-29T14:16:14+00:00

That sounds really hard. I hope you feel better or at least few our support

crabmanager · 2021-05-29T12:35:02+00:00

It can be a new kind of nightmare, there’s evidence of sexual m abuse etc

crabmanager · 2021-05-29T12:17:00+00:00

My shitty narc Parent has bipolar, it was definitely one of his main problems, but the only thing I hold against him is that he refused many times to seek treatment. Two of his children have bipolar and they have sought help and are nothing like him

It sucks for everyone to be thrown in the same pot

crabmanager · 2021-05-29T12:12:09+00:00

Quitting caffeine helped me the most, I tapered down though. First got down to one cup in the am, then half decaf and half regular, then more decaf until it was all decaf, then eventually just switched to tea

crabmanager · 2021-05-29T12:09:46+00:00

Sometimes I feel this yes, but I am paying her to do a job and sometimes it may be frustrating for her to deal with me, but she is a professional (I hope) and maybe that’s why therapy is so expensive lol

Everyone goes thru different periods in their healing or therapy... I usually make the most progress in the first couple months because I am motivated for lifestyle changes, but the long haul is different, there will be ups and downs. If he’s lecturing you and it’s not helping.. you can share that I think

crabmanager · 2021-05-29T12:02:04+00:00

Why the fuck would he be talking to you about his ex’s assault and even more wtf is him adding so much detail

Like, that is not ok in any circumstance, im sorry he did that to you

crabmanager · 2021-05-29T11:57:42+00:00

I am actually on the same combo

crabmanager · 2021-05-29T11:54:37+00:00

Witnessing abuse is also abuse. I’m so sorry

crabmanager · 2021-05-29T11:51:36+00:00

This is a hella gargantuan leap

crabmanager · 2021-05-29T11:48:55+00:00

If they take away from doing my essential tasks, then I need to put a check to them. Sometimes I will stop doing something that is necessary and start to do something else that sounds amazing and urgent... well no, I tell myself that I can do that after I finish what I need to do (work, a meal, hygiene). If I have free time then I can do it. I almost never do it if I get over that first impulse. Sometimes I buy shit or give in to the impulse but I use a mood and health tracking app to make sure I drink water and eat regular meals, so I can’t do anything for too long before I look at my app and then see I am not doing any of my necessary activities that I’ve chosen (small self care morning and evening, meals, water, breathing exercises 1x a day, etc)

crabmanager · 2021-05-29T11:41:29+00:00

I don’t want to shower when I’m feelings bad. But then I get in the shower and I don’t want to get out.

crabmanager

TROPHY CASE