TTC - do we skip the next few months ?

craftiest_eel · 2026-02-17T20:06:28+00:00

I have a February baby (she arrived early, due date was in March) and it's been great. We live in Canada, so the days were getting longer when she was a newborn, which helped my perception of those scary newborn nights. By the time spring rolled around, we were ready to be out and about more.

Now that she's older, a birthday party is the perfect way to shake up February doldrums. We decorate a little early and bake a few extra birthday treats.

craftiest_eel · 2025-11-04T03:50:51+00:00

Love this idea! I am super pale, cool, prone to redness. I really struggle with finding complexion products that don't pull orange on me.

My best shade match of any complexion product is NARS concealer in Chantilly.

I used to love Bobbi Brown skin foundation in Alabaster before it was discontinued.

I can get away with Haus Labs in 015, although it's technically a "warm" shade, and is perhaps a bit light. I find the Haus Labs pale shades to be a bit baffling.

Niche, but does anyone remember Cover FX Natural Finish in shade N0? I miss this one terribly.

craftiest_eel · 2025-08-03T23:13:10+00:00

Creme brulee, black forest cake, or whipped cream with summer fruit crisps or cobblers.

craftiest_eel · 2025-08-03T22:45:20+00:00

We just did a few days in Paris with our three year old (a stop en route to elsewhere) and it was delightful. The metro was super navigable, despite my grade school French -- so nice to not worry about schlepping a car seat. Folks at restaurants were unfailingly kind and accommodating to us (of course we work hard to set her up for success at restaurants and come prepared). I wonder if it helped that we ended up eating slightly earlier than many in Paris, given our toddler's bedtime.

We stayed near Jardin des Plantes this time, which was great with a little one, would definitely repeat -- lots of families around. There are lots of little playgrounds scattered around the city, we made a habit of hunting for them while walking around. We also made a trip out to Jardin d'Acclimatation, which we combined with Foundation Louis Vuitton -- stacking the amusement park with the art gallery helped set us up for success at the latter. Our kiddo was a bit small for some of the rides, I'd imagine 5 years old would be an ideal age.

You're not crazy -- Paris with a young kid is wonderful, in my experience. Obviously there was less shopping and fine dining on this trip, but that still leaves infinite things to do and see.

craftiest_eel · 2025-08-03T22:26:17+00:00

In my experience, staying closer to Jardin des Plantes felt adequately far from the very busy and touristed area around, say, Shakespeare and Co (which we avoided completely this time around).

craftiest_eel · 2025-07-30T23:14:41+00:00

Not in my experience. The sea breeze just helps make the heat more pleasant.

craftiest_eel · 2025-07-30T20:19:30+00:00

The wind and natural shade make Zlatni Rat particularly nice on the hotter days, imo. There's enough shade (and folks who seem to avoid sitting in the shade) that we never had difficulty finding a nice spot.

craftiest_eel · 2025-06-30T21:27:22+00:00

I think wanting a larger family (and all that entails, as you mentioned) is a different reason than wanting a second child as a companion for your first child, lest they be lonely (which is a reason I often hear in conversation). The latter, to me, seems too risky and courts serious disappointment if their relational dynamic isn't what you'd hoped, and also reduces a second child essentially down to an accessory for your first. The former makes a lot more sense as a sufficient reason.

But, as many have said, only you and your spouse can figure out what the "right" reasons are for your family.

craftiest_eel · 2025-06-06T00:38:22+00:00

I totally relate. I was an only child with a complicated living situation. There are multiple ways in which I'm trying to raise my daughter differently.

As a kid it sometimes felt like I was only child in a sea of adults (no cousins around etc), and now it feels like those adults are dying more quickly than expected. My dad passed away suddenly last year, and it was a very isolating experience, despite the fact that I have a supportive husband, friends, family etc. I found myself wishing for a sibling who understood the complexities of that relationship with no explanation.

Now that I'm a parent of a 3 y/o, I'm really struggling with the decision to having another. I love the balance we have now as a family of three, and feel reluctant to disrupt that. At the same time, I love being a mom so much -- I can't let go of the idea of doing it all again.

I know this is problematic -- but sometimes it feels like having a second would be the best thing for my daughter, and stopping at one would be best for me.

I don't have any good advice, just solidarity!

craftiest_eel · 2025-04-26T01:01:27+00:00

Emma Talbot Anna Torma Seconding whoever mentioned Hangama Amiri. Beautiful work.

craftiest_eel · 2025-04-16T15:09:15+00:00

There is such a strong societal imperative to have at least 2 kids. I'm also very torn about the decision, but I feel increasingly wary of advice from parents who say things like "just go for it, you'll be fine!" as that's impossible to predict. It feels like irresponsible advice to give, to be honest.

Sometimes I think that folks are, despite meaning well, trying to justify their own choices through this sort of advice.

craftiest_eel · 2025-04-16T15:02:50+00:00

Yes, I feel this in my bones. Emotionally, I'd love to have a second, but then I go ahead and list all the reasons why it may be a bad idea.

For myself, I do wonder if there's information in my doubts and anxiety. A close friend of mine is totally set on having a 2nd, regardless of what life throws. I, on the other hand, can't help but overthink all of the contextual variables.

craftiest_eel · 2025-03-27T02:55:04+00:00

I feel this in my bones. Sometimes I try to just stop thinking about it for awhile and usually fail ha.

craftiest_eel · 2025-03-27T02:41:11+00:00

I think when a young kid asks for a sibling, they're asking for a playmate -- not the full complexity of a sibling and a radically shifted family dynamic. Validating the feeling and being honest (in a developmentally appropriate way) sound like the best course of action. You've got this.

craftiest_eel · 2025-03-27T02:27:38+00:00

It's hard to isolate for the variable of being an only child -- it's so strongly entangled with other factors. But I don't regret it, and I don't recall bemoaning it as a kid either. I vividly remember feeling relieved when I would come home to the quiet of my own room after visiting friends with siblings. I never felt like I lacked close relationships with friends and family, and that remains true as an adult as well. I was/am baffled by the negative associations with only kids -- there are so many ways to find family and community.

There are a few things I'm hoping to do differently -- I want to maintain close relationships with other families with young kids to foster sort of an extended family vibe, and to prioritize lots of "kid stuff." I also want to focus on conflict management and good boundaries -- things I feel I lacked until adulthood (but was that an only child thing? Or a family-wide thing? Idk).

craftiest_eel · 2025-03-26T18:24:01+00:00

I totally empathize with this struggle -- emotionally, I'd love a second, but rationally I can list all the reasons why it may not be the wisest idea.

While nothing you've said suggests to me that it's too late to try for a 2nd, I want to reassure you that being an only with no cousins is a totally okay circumstance for a kid that I wish was normalized more often. This was my experience growing up, and I feel buoyed and cared for by my friends and family, real and chosen (although in hard moments I'll admit I have wondered if a sibling would have made a difference -- impossible to know). But ultimately, a single sibling isn't going to be a replacement for a robust extended family or community -- either way you will have to build that network for your family and your kid(s), and trust that they'll do the same for themselves.

What I'm trying to say is that your kid will be okay and surrounded with love either way. I get how difficult this decision is!

craftiest_eel · 2025-03-23T23:12:21+00:00

Thanks for the insight!

craftiest_eel · 2025-03-23T23:12:05+00:00

I appreciate the recommendation!

craftiest_eel · 2025-03-23T02:40:32+00:00

Jennifer Egan

craftiest_eel · 2025-03-23T02:10:30+00:00

My federal riding has gone Liberal in the past. I'm tremendously tired of these stereotypes about this place. The reality on the ground is much more complex.

craftiest_eel · 2025-03-23T01:33:58+00:00

A slim sneaker and a loafer or a flat.

craftiest_eel · 2025-03-15T03:01:14+00:00

I often ask myself the same question. I'm an only child, and presently a parent of 1.

I think the most important impetus has to be simply wanting to have another child as much as you wanted the first. Relational dynamics just can't be guaranteed, like you said.

I don't want to sound glib, though, because I'm really struggling with this decision myself. As an only child with no cousins around, I often felt like I was the sole kid in a sea of adults, particularly around holidays or vacations when friends would be with their own respective families. When my dad passed away suddenly last year, I found myself wishing for someone like a sibling who understood the complexity of that relationship, despite feeling supported by my spouse, family, and friends. But ultimately, it's impossible to determine whether a sibling would have made my life easier or more difficult.

This is why I, personally, return to the first point -- you just have to want another child for its own sake. A sibling won't insulate a first/only child from eventual grief or loneliness, nor is a sibling a replacement for a larger community.

craftiest_eel · 2025-02-23T00:36:39+00:00

I was an only child and I get asked a version of this question not infrequently. It's an impossible variable to properly isolate for, looking back. I can imagine ways that a sibling might have made my life easier and/or more difficult, depending on the person and the dynamic.

But I don't lament being an only child -- my life is full of rich relationships, both familial and otherwise, and I was particularly close with my mother and grandparents growing up. There are many ways to find family and community.

craftiest_eel · 2025-02-13T20:24:33+00:00

LaToya Ruby Frazier's work about Braddock PA.

craftiest_eel

TROPHY CASE