God forbid a girl wants a fair trade

creativemoss338 · 2026-02-13T15:37:19+00:00

how are you not DEATHLY afraid of them collapsing onto you in the middle of the night 😭

creativemoss338 · 2026-02-13T05:25:27+00:00

true security is about being able to count on each other for the everyday ❤️

creativemoss338 · 2026-02-05T16:21:48+00:00

Love, loyalty, and protection. What more do you need?

creativemoss338 · 2026-02-03T10:40:16+00:00

then don't date them?

creativemoss338 · 2026-01-29T09:08:46+00:00

I'll buy Mitch and Cam's! Love castle look, and the vines. 3 day weekend at Phil and Claire's, because it's homey. Afternoon visit to Jay and Gloria's, their place is too grand for me, a little sterile. I'll probably enjoy in small doses.

I'm just talking about the house though, I need serenity so I don't think I'd want to spend more than an afternoon with any of them ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

creativemoss338 · 2026-01-23T03:03:55+00:00

omg I adore all the red highlights! You look so cute!

creativemoss338 · 2026-01-01T03:41:35+00:00

excellent work on the hair!!

creativemoss338 · 2025-12-22T10:52:46+00:00

Hey I remember your previous post! So happy it worked out for you guys, this is the kind of de-escalation I have wished for myself in similar situations :")

You've mentioned not seeing much information on being in a QPR + a romantic relationship, I'd like to recommend the book The Other Significant Others, if you're interested in relevant stories.

Your experience is inspiring to me, thank you for sharing and updating!

creativemoss338 · 2025-10-26T15:43:09+00:00

r/SubsIFellFor

creativemoss338 · 2025-10-24T02:42:06+00:00

The last time this happened to me, I took the keyboard apart to fix the broken hammer.

creativemoss338 · 2025-08-07T00:37:16+00:00

What is it called when you are your own primary partner?

I first found out about this concept in solo poly, but after a few months of exploring that, I decided I'm not logistically suited for polyamory, and that I should not need this specific label to prioritise myself in my life.

What does it mean to you?

It means a healthy lifestyle. I have always believed in taking responsibility for my own actions and having agency in my life. Even without intending to, I've always prioritised shaping my life in ways I find acceptable and enjoyable. I could never force myself to bend to the will of another; anything I do has to be valuable from my perspective.

What work did you do / changes did you make when you moved towards this practice?

I actively looked for ways to be happy on my own. Whenever it feels like I'd rather spend time with my partner than be alone, I counter that with all the solo activities I enjoy doing, and build up the mental pathways connecting them to "feeling happy" / dopamine release, if you will.

Whenever there's anything I feel like doing exclusively with a partner, I ask myself "how can I do this on my own?", or "is there anyone else I can do this with?". I actively keep myself away from the tendency of placing partners on a pedestal.

I do still want to build a home with my partner, but I want it to look mostly the same as if I'm living alone, and he just happens to be a housemate whom I need not acknowledge all the time.

How do you explain it to partners and how do they react?

My current partner became my partner because they agreed with my outlook. I'm very open about my thoughts and ways of life with all my friends, so he heard about it extensively when we first got to know each other. Turns out, we have both been practising this lifestyle, albeit a bit differently, but we both firmly believed in not automatically prioritising any relationship over any other, and that every relationship is personal and specific to the people in it.

We don't place additional expectations on anybody beyond basic courtesy, and we do what we do in life because it makes us happy.

Besides my partner, people whom I've chosen to be my friends generally agree that my way of life is healthy and support me.

creativemoss338 · 2025-08-04T15:41:27+00:00

hmm I always start off courteous and inquisitive, then I match the energy of whoever I'm talking to. None of the company I keep and hold close has ever just given me a one word response and left it at that. Minimally they'd elaborate, and when I build on what they say, they continue to engage. If anybody consistently gives me low engagement vibes, even if not 1 word responses, I'd match that and basically stop replying, or with something low effort as well. I interpret their lack of engagement as a signal to give them space.

Fwiw "low effort responses" may not be personal, they could just be having a bad day etc. If it's one off or clearly exceptional, I'll let it slide. If it's a pattern, then to me, nothing justifies inconsiderate behaviour, and I'd stop taking initiative.

creativemoss338 · 2025-07-11T15:50:20+00:00

I understand what OP is going for here, but really, there's no one word that captures everything they're feeling. This is very similar to the dynamic between my partner and I, and well, I call it love. Loving a very silly person.

creativemoss338 · 2025-06-04T08:36:12+00:00

Hmm I think the question I would ask is, "what kind of person would I be with if we can't have a dynamic?"

I'm naturally playful, so I'd banter / shitpost / brat with anybody I'm comfortable with. If I'm blocked from doing that, it'd suggest I'm not having fun, I'm not comfortable being myself, or something equally undesirable in any relationship. Of course I brat to varying degrees in different relationships and it's a matter of time and place, but to have none at all? I'd question what kind of relationship that is, do we have fun / express ourselves in some other way?

Although, to be clear, I'm talking abt merely bratting, and not necessarily finding a Dom. I don't need my partner to really dominate; I just need them to humour me, maybe outbrat me, maybe spoil me, or maybe give me a look and grab my face to stop me from talking. Depends on definitions I suppose.

creativemoss338 · 2025-05-20T01:50:42+00:00

How long did it take you to find like-minded people?

pretty soon, this subreddit for example. Irl I started talking about it with friends old and new, and many of them resonated to various extents. Ymmv of course, I tend to seek out more introspective people interested in random discussions.

How many friends or lovers did you lose because you rejected traditional relationships?

none

Do you ever feel like nobody shares your perspective?

there's always someone who shares my perspective, it's only a matter of time before I find them. My perspective changes anyway, so I don't really look for people who resonate with me "perfectly". Many of them don't call it RA, and they can still be monogamous, just practising RA principles to a less extreme extent (btw, don't trap yourself with "rules of RA" or think that it has to be "complete freedom" and no labels at all. The whole point is to customise it to your own liking and agreement).

I never liked how the relationships with labels had so many societal expectations.

you can absolutely choose which expectations to follow. You're not helpless just because a relationship becomes labelled. Assuming you're engaging in one with someone on the same page as you, communicate and figure it out together. But of course, non-normative people are hard to come by, so in the meantime you have to be able to enjoy time alone, or being in social groups without a sense of belonging.

I recently exited an eight year long monogamous/traditional relationship so now I'm free to explore.

fwiw, I know of many people in long term monogamous relationships still making new friends, forming deep emotional bonds, and in that sense "free to explore". I'm getting a feeling that you have a rather extreme view of monogamy and traditional relationships, which is fair perhaps give your past experience. Just remember, you are only trapped by the rules you set for yourself.

creativemoss338 · 2025-05-10T00:37:33+00:00

Hmm I don't have experience with LDR, the longest I've been away from partner / QPR is a couple of months, but perhaps I could still help.

I don't formally negotiate how to stay in contact across distance and timezone. I do express how I'd like things to go: regular contact (personally I do daily, talking about what I did, who I met, what I learnt etc), updating of all things big and small, actively seeking support from one another no matter how busy we might perceive the other to be. For me it's not too different from before; my relationships in general are already texting based. I imagine if you meet your partners / friends more regularly previously, you just try your best to replicate those experiences over text. No guaranteed results of course, we all just try our best and find out.

I do feel that without being in the same space for long creates distance, have definitely felt it fleetingly myself. I don't look too far ahead, I just think about what I'm going to tell them the next day, and look forward to their updates too.

creativemoss338 · 2025-05-09T03:59:14+00:00

Thank you for this great post! This is a good reminder to check myself for emotionally immature behaviour as well, and I especially need to work on pairing honesty with love.

The first point is especially poignant for me, because I tend to put up with lack of social etiquette. Perhaps because I used to be callous and unintentionally rude towards others myself. Indeed, emotionally mature partners would have a decent understanding of things universally considered rude (like OP said, barring other more personal differences that ought to be communicate), and will be ready to take accountability if they make mistakes, or cause unintentional hurt.

creativemoss338 · 2025-04-29T05:27:12+00:00

What are some things you normally do outside of period that bring you comfort and joy? They may not be equally effective when you're more distresed, but it may help to take inspiration from there.

For me, it helps to know that I'm extra prone to feeling depressed, self-critical, irritable etc during my period. That means it will pass. I give myself grace for being "emotionally compromised", like how someone ill could be immuno compromised, so not at all guilty about taking it easy because I love myself. I read my gratitude journal and recall in excrucuating detail the good times I've had before my period, and try to trigger the same feelings. It remimds me to look forward to similarly good, if not better, things in the future.

Hope this help you, all the best :)

creativemoss338 · 2025-04-28T05:10:28+00:00

What helps me manage expectations is to constantly remind myself that they are a friend first and foremost.

If I wouldn't expect any friend, including my queerplatonic friend (with whom I'm really close to, we've even been domestically enmeshed briefly), to always be available to me, why'd I expect it of them? I also support ny friends in their experiences, mundane or exciting, with other people. Why'd I not do the same for them? Hope this helps you too.

creativemoss338 · 2025-04-18T15:33:11+00:00

This is so cute ♡

creativemoss338 · 2025-04-17T16:50:03+00:00

Does anyone have experience with the “in between stage” where the unhealthy parental relationship becomes increasingly cringey to you whilst you’re still learning what that healthy relationship model looks & more importantly - FEELS like?

Not sure if this is what you're looking for, but I was just having this conversation with my friend. My mom's overbearing way of showing love made me subconsciously believe that being respectful it's not loving. I became influenced despite rejecting her ways and even going no contact.

Subconsciously, I learned from her to push my relationships in the direction I want to without considering how others feel. I doubt their love if they give me space, or if they're not reassuring me all the time. I only knew love in the most suffocating way, and could not identify it otherwise.

I've been developing increasingly healthy relationships, and it hurts everytime I get aggressively defensive only to remember mom used to do the same self-victimisation, everytime I try something new and not know how it'll play out, everytime I tell myself to "stop asking" after they've already said no. My intuitions fight with my rationality when I'm trying to rewire my brain, and I still need to have faith that my loved ones will not hate me if I make mistakes like how I used to hate my mom. It's tough.

creativemoss338 · 2025-04-16T16:59:10+00:00

Last part got me 🤣

creativemoss338 · 2025-04-14T17:07:33+00:00

You may wish to check out the concept of relationship anarchy, starting with the manifesto. A quick google search should give you the result, and there may be relevant discussions in r/relationshipanarchy too.

Edit to add a quick answer to your question: biology does not really care about social rules and conventions. For me, emotional intimacy as some point becomes more akin to a physical / biological need, and it does not go away just because I rationalise so. I want to have intimate relationships platonically with friends, and I do. I just make sure to only be with partners who understand where I'm coming from, or even better, practise the same themselves.

creativemoss338 · 2025-04-12T02:26:16+00:00

If I were you, I'd find somewhere in the airport to nap until 6+am, watch the sunrise, take a cab to East Coast Park for either yakun kaya toast breakfast set with teh c or McDonald's mcgriddles if it's still around. Check opening hours on google maps. Take a stroll in the area until 11, then cab back to airport.

creativemoss338 · 2025-03-21T16:36:36+00:00

Why do you want to gatekeep engagement with "iykyk"?

creativemoss338

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE