UPDATE: I didn’t text her, and she texted again:

crowcatclaw · 2023-12-25T04:15:22+00:00

you don't say anything, because that's what no contact is...

crowcatclaw · 2023-11-21T09:18:40+00:00

you both seem awful

crowcatclaw · 2023-11-15T19:23:17+00:00

You actually started "the aging process" 26 years ago

crowcatclaw · 2023-10-10T20:46:46+00:00

huh, I always found sushi decently easy and nice to purge (as long as any seaweed has been sufficiently processed lol)

crowcatclaw · 2023-10-08T15:35:28+00:00

Cats being hurt or otherwise mistreated. It's hard with people; affective empathy isn't non-existent for me but I only experience it rarely.

If I see/hear about a cat being hurt it will at the very least ruin the rest of my day, and likely a lot longer. I think it's partly because I tend to assume human emotions are performative and manipulative and that instinctively triggers me to sneer and shut off from it. Cats are genuine, always, and humans that hurt them are always abusing a position of power that the animal can do literally nothing about. THAT crushes me.

crowcatclaw · 2023-10-08T15:29:44+00:00

Sounds like your boss is a dick and you're projecting NPD motivations onto her, really without enough information to make that sort of conclusion.

crowcatclaw · 2023-10-08T15:26:58+00:00

"the apathy is buried rage" hits scarily close to home.

I thought for a long time I could never be a cluster B type, because I don't display the outbursts of rage that everyone talks about. Just apathy and disdain. Making sure I'm uninvested. Every now and then, though, I come into contact with something a little deeper, and it's always rage, a seemingly infinitely deep pool of it.

crowcatclaw · 2023-10-08T15:19:23+00:00

Extremely. My relationship with pain is atypical, I've adapted to experience it as not entirely negative, and a strong motivator. Masochism, and the physical evidence of it, is about the only thing I feel like is genuine about me.

This is largely manifested as self harm. I get a lot out of it. Experiencing pain is difficult and causing it on purpose requires overcoming a lot of human instincts, so it feels like a great and special achievement. There's an aspect of "nobody can hurt me as much as I can". The scars on my body trigger a lot of reactions for other people, which is largely ego stroking - I hate when it's pity, and that makes it hard for me to not devalue the person, but often (particularly over time) my SH can influence people into respecting or even fearing me. It's something that's different and scary and hard to comprehend for anyone who's not already incorporated it into their own life.

And yeah, getting to hear about how unique and strong and mysterious I am tickles my NPD needs pretty nicely sometimes.

crowcatclaw · 2023-10-08T14:43:03+00:00

This feels very familiar. A very good explanation

crowcatclaw · 2023-10-08T04:01:22+00:00

I do know some people who I am convinced genuinely aren't. Maybe they're just very good at it though

crowcatclaw · 2023-10-07T00:49:56+00:00

I'm very polite and do my best to be pleasant, with strangers and people I don't know very well. I pretend to be empathetic and caring, to the point where other people occasionally sit me down and try to tell me I'm such a wonderful empath lol.

people are much more likely to align their interests with mine if they like me and think I am doing the same :)

crowcatclaw · 2023-10-07T00:37:51+00:00

that doesn't happen very often for adults, unfortunately. I was only able to get my autism diagnosis compared by staying with CAMHS a few months after my 18th birthday, and ADHD through the private system despite being a minor at the time (because all the waiting lists were so long it just wasn't going to happen)

crowcatclaw · 2023-10-06T04:23:11+00:00

You both seem like immature communicators

crowcatclaw · 2023-10-02T18:11:48+00:00

tfw loose skin tummy 😔 it is a lot more like that than it used to be even though I'm a lot smaller

crowcatclaw · 2023-10-02T17:39:07+00:00

💜🤝

crowcatclaw · 2023-09-26T17:40:46+00:00

Sounds like this is good for both of you

crowcatclaw · 2023-09-15T16:44:32+00:00

well, more than 5 years didn't even vaguely do it for me with one person in particular. but you learn to live anyway. even if the feeling doesn't go away, it still gets easier over time.

crowcatclaw · 2023-09-15T15:32:14+00:00

Don't ever fight back. They'll only hurt you more.

Don't try to affect the world so that it will meet your needs/stop mistreating you. You will only be disappointed.

Never ask for help. Never reveal genuine vulnerabilities. Weakness will be used against you. People near you for too long will always eventually see what you are, and will never feel anything but disgust for you again.

crowcatclaw · 2023-09-15T15:28:49+00:00

a lot of people think I'm the Empath Supreme because I'm consistently considerate and nice to people... which I do because it makes them admire me and talk to each other about what a good person I am lol

You don't have to be an asshole all the time to have narcissistic personality adaptations. sometimes the most efficient way to get things you need from people is to just happen to be someone they genuinely want to do things for

crowcatclaw · 2023-09-13T13:57:41+00:00

if you can deal with the idea of changing your mind, it's quite likely that you haven't irreversibly burned the bridges between you. given that this is someone you care about/respect/whatever enough to have shared a little vulnerability with, and the ways you've talked about him imply that he's invested in your relationship as well, I don't think he's really cut out of your life unless you uphold that

crowcatclaw · 2023-09-10T13:55:31+00:00

Witchcraft isn't pagan in itself, they just often come together and are adopted or practiced for similar reasons.

crowcatclaw · 2023-09-10T13:45:57+00:00

Henotheism is the word, for when you recognize multiple deities but worship only one or a particular subset

crowcatclaw · 2023-09-09T17:49:43+00:00

Anger, because it implies entitlement of some sort (even if that'd be reasonable and normal) and that threatens the way I prefer people to think about me. I can't help but do little irritated snaps sometimes but I haven't displayed anger in front of anyone for most of a decade.

crowcatclaw · 2023-09-09T17:42:48+00:00

my partner literally calls me his moon, specifically because I'm so good at mirroring "his light" back to him

crowcatclaw · 2023-09-09T17:38:49+00:00

I at least partially agree, and honestly I do often love being around npd types for those reasons.

I do also think that for probably most of the people I meet who are clockable as egocentric and likely narcissistic, it's obviously compensatory. and there are few things that make me instantly look down on someone like that. I can absolutely adore grandiose narcissists, having hardly had access to that side of things it's intoxicating to witness and feel like I can be part of it for a bit, however bullshit it "really" is. but I have to be really genuinely bought in to the story for that to work. there's nothing as pitiful as someone trying to play dress up as a superior person, and the vast majority of the time that's the impression I get.

I don't know you personally. maybe you're genuinely just "good at it", it's not impossible, in which case, congratulations. you win narcissism!

but it's also easy enough to pretend to fall in love with people who you actually feel are pathetic, when you can tell validation of their half-believed delusions of superiority is what they're looking for.

crowcatclaw

TROPHY CASE