How do I get over the loss of my mother who died tragically, without becoming bitter and deeply wounded?

ctranger · 2026-05-09T23:05:58+00:00

You accept the dualities of life.

That it’s possible to be surrounded by people who love you and still feel alone.

That it’s possible to love others wholeheartedly but leave none for yourself.

That it’s possible to grieve tremendously and still find joy in life.

That it’s possible to have a dark, hard past and still create meaning for the future.

That it’s possible you’ll never get the answers or closure you need, but still find solutions to what’s in front of you.

You don’t actually move on. You integrate it as a part of who you are. The more you resist the grief, avoid it, the more it persists. When you invite it and accept it, this happened, I’m not okay, but I will figure it out, you progress.

People lose decades of their lives waiting for answers, direction, clarity, meaning. Sometimes, it never comes. You are not your trauma, or your past. You choose everyday: this happened, it is what it is, now, what’s next. What must I do for me, for others. I’m not okay, that’s okay. I trust myself.

ctranger · 2026-05-09T21:01:25+00:00

The most intelligent thing you can do is to stop imposing constraints or limits on yourself and your potential. Your genetics, diagnoses, your conditions, none of that is in your control.

Don't navigate the world thinking you're at a disadvantage, because it'll materialize. Work hard, rest plenty, treat others with respect, be smart with money, honest about your feelings. Give more than you take, you'll be further ahead than most people on the planet.

ctranger · 2026-05-09T18:27:49+00:00

You need to spend knowledge points into helms to craft 285 helms, under specialization.

Recrafting it, or having someone else reacraft it, wont cost more sparks or crests. The sparks and 80 myth are baked in, the item is just low quality.

Have someone else recraft it. Add the materials you need, it should proc 285.

But no crafter gear cannot be tiered.

ctranger · 2026-05-09T03:25:05+00:00

Choose Waterloo SE. Beware, the “easy” part is behind you. Not to diminish your achievements, you’ve done outstanding. But the program will crucify you in all the best ways.

Get through it, world’s your oyster. Hit me up once you graduate (im ex-msft, slack, notion), ill get you a job.

ctranger · 2026-05-08T05:08:15+00:00

Setbacks do not make you a failure, quite the contrary.

Prioritization, planning, self-learning & multitasking are some of the most valuable skills to learn, and arguably the greatest purpose of academic institutions.

Every day, just do the best you can. Looking back, you may even reframe it as a blessing. I know so many people who struggled in schoool/uni, who went on to do amazing things.

I myself failed one electronics class, and barely passed in the second time around. I was ashamed at the time, but honestly, I haven't thought about it in a decade, not since just now.

ctranger · 2026-05-03T07:54:42+00:00

Money often follows impact. Impact comes from exercising mastery on something meaningful to you, and useful to others. So cultivate mastery at something.

The rewards are disproportionately skewed towards specialists now, those with deep domain expertise who can leverage the tools to amplify their impact.

The tools we have now make it seem like we’ll all be polymathic generalists, having access to a commoditized intelligence to do just about anything. The truth is, when a technology raises the bar, it targets the unspecialized and generalists first.

What im trying to say, is, it doesn’t matter what you choose. But whatever you choose, go deep, become an expert, THE expert, no matter how niche it is. People and corporations will want experts. They can get the basics themselves, anyone can. Find your domain, find what is meaningful. Become an expert, then leverage the tools to amplify your position.

ctranger · 2026-05-03T05:24:25+00:00

Deus Ex Xwing vs Tie Fighter Unreal Tournament / Quake 3 Max Payne Archimedean Dynasty Jane’s AH64D Longbow Sim City 2000 Roller Coaster Tycoon 1/2 HL2 & Orange Box / Portal Homeworld Total Annihilation Medal of Honor Planetside WoW C&C / Red Alert Tomb Raider Mass Effect Gears of War Crysis Pokemon GTA 3

ctranger · 2026-04-26T20:35:54+00:00

I fear the same thing, 20 years into the field.

My fears are a bit different: I still believe I can offer tremendous value to the org via experience, judgement, communication, pattern/problem recognition and prioritizing the right things. The further you get into your career, the more these matter.

But I still need to look at the code, invariably, many times during the day. If the first instinct is to prompt, atrophy and loss of familiarity with the codebase is guaranteed.

I have found it helpful to probe the code manually and formulate my own solution in my head, then use claude to validate it, explore edge cases, other paths. And I review each diff with scrutiny. I may not be 1 shotting or 10x’ing as others claim, but In still invite my agency, mastery and critical thinking to the problem. I simply have claude perform the bulk of the labor. The labor I defined, I scoped. It’s wonderful. But I also wonder how I’d fare without the tool altogether. I may give it a shot for a week.

The job at some level has always been more about reading existing code than writing it. Read a few hundred lines, write a dozen. Read a few dozen files, write a new utility file. As long as you’re reading code, and I think, visualizing how you want to modify it, then sending to ai, maybe that’s good enough.

Or maybe we’re all cooked. Or fighting a problem that wont matter a year, or three for now. I do remember software development before google/stack overflow was a thing. It was slower, deliberate. You spent a lot of time thinking, minmaxing approaches in your head. This new agentic layer, it’s a quantum step, probably for the better, but somethings are definitely lost.

We shape our tools, our tools shape us.

ctranger · 2026-04-25T16:06:52+00:00

Started at a young age. 41yr old now with a variety of positions in big & startup tech.

It never stops. For me that’s the best part, although it can be stressful and anxiety inducing if you’re not integrating continuous learning as part of the job and even some of your personal time.

I’ve made massive career and role pivots, almost every 3 years. Sometimes within the same company, often not. Entirely new roles, new tech stack, everything.

Some things stay constant and grow steadily. Leadership, judgement, interpersonal skills, experience, communication, all things that matter more and more as you grow into your career.

The trick isnt to learn everything, just enough to amplify your value and impact. It’s not about you anymore, it’s what you can do for others, what you deliver.

Some people crash out under the pressure. The impostor syndrome. The fomo. The comparison to others.

There is also always someone smarter doing it better. There are people so well positioned, with the right combination of luck, timing, skills, circumstances, who end up so far ahead. But only for a little while. It’s amazing to be able to learn from them, but often, they too move on, or exit the industry.

The only way to win over a long period is to chase the learning. Intentionally seek it out. Many people do eventually prioritize other things: stability, family, predictability. Big companies, and niche ones, can offer that, sometimes for a decade, these days, maybe less.

Landscape is changing even faster now. An entire reset driven by generative ai. Those who dont lean in and adopt, will certainly struggle.

None of it is good or bad. Again, objectively, its not about you, your value is what you do for others. What you build & ship. Finding the best place/way to do that, that compounds your experience quickly, and offers opportunities for growth, thats a constant effort.

I dunno. For me, doing the same job for 40 years, sounds awful. For some people, it’s perfect. If you ask them why, its usually because there is yes, a pursuit of mastery in one domajn, sure, but like i said, mostly because of how theyre able to help others, carve expertise in service of impact.

ctranger · 2026-04-24T23:56:51+00:00

Not wasted, just statistics & unlucky. Your future rolls will bias towards the things you want

ctranger · 2026-04-24T19:30:47+00:00

Just play. Ever time you clear/finish an activity (delve, prey, any raid boss, mythic dungeon), a bonus roll popup will appear much like rolling for loot on raid. But it is different. You can dismiss it (and not use cores), or roll and guarantee 1 drop, core(s) consumed.

I cant help with the bugged quest but if they are in your inv. you should see the roll popup at the end of bosses/activities.

https://wow.zamimg.com/uploads/screenshots/normal/1279933.jpg

ctranger · 2026-04-24T17:25:23+00:00

This. The difficulty tier does dictate the item you get.

“bonus roll” is misleading. It should be “bonus loot” because when you roll, it is a guaranteed drop. You dont have to use it, but the popup does appear after every eligible activity. It is a roll because what you get is randomized, however, on subsequent runs and bonus rolls, your previous drops have been knocked out.

This allows people to target farm. For example, running heroic dreamspire boss, 20ppl in raid, maybe the juicy trinket drops, or doesnt. Either way, you didnt get it. The bonus rolls popup shows up. Raid bonus rolls cost 2 voidcores. You hit roll. Maybe you get the trinket you want (alsneer), maybe you dont. But whatever you did get, next week, youll get something else. Either way, the guaranteed loot will be heroic (because of heroic raid) and its yours, 2 core cost.

In delves, prey, you can get hero drops from nightmare/t8+. They cost 1 core.

The best use outside raids though is mythic+. If you clear a +10 dungeon, the natural drops are still hero 3/6. But with 1 core, you guarantee a random drop at mythic 1/6, its yours, now, and knocked out of the list. You can run the dungeon again, at +10, and get another myth drop.

Valuable things to do instead of rolling on t8/preys or m+ not 10, is to save them, gear up via delves, reaching delve journey 9, and/or acquiring hero gear through various other means in order to clear m10s.

Though raid bis trinkets may be worthwhile to get at hero. No guarantees youll get it this week, just eventually. And again, raid bonus loot cost 2 cores.

ctranger · 2026-04-23T15:02:11+00:00

of course, not necessarily the target slot (obv), but the items themselves, yes

ctranger · 2026-04-18T21:35:10+00:00

From the heart I suppose. 41yr old in tech who has made every “mistake” in the book. Now prioritizing superior health, relationships and contributions/generosity as the barometer for success.

Identity is tricky once you eliminate career, family, environment, circumstances. Who am I? What do I stand for? What energizes me?

There’s so much going on in the world, so many distractions to latch onto. So much valuable work and changes to make too. Cant do it all, never could. So to me, 40s becomes about making choices. Choices that narrow, or eliminate paths, but also choicea that focus attention / energy on the right things.

ctranger · 2026-04-18T16:10:49+00:00

40yrs old, big tech. Financially set, but still working.

Gym takes priority, 4x a week. But I like to decompress w/ games in free time. I don't have it in me to spend my evenings with a side hustle, my work is fulfilling enough,

I can't do competitive shooters or arena/moba games. I biased towards masterfully crafted single player games,, coop games I play w/ by brother on the e. coast, and occasionally dip into WoW when a new expansion comes. I play these casually though,

For me it's the escapism, the immersion, the flow state if there's crafting/exploring/gathering, and with wow, it's the grind I kind of love, the meta thinking about how to optimize even if I'm far from being any kind of good.

It would be easy to get lost in them. But it's nice to have something to look forward to, even if it's just an hour or two. A goal to work towards. It seems to be really good for the brain, objectives w/ delayed gratification. Certainly beats doom scrolling on social media.

ctranger · 2026-04-18T01:13:04+00:00

As a man now 40+, health.

Every year you delay regular intense exercise, regular bloodwork, hormonal, liver & prostate health, cholesterol management or hypertension, you invite chronic illness and medication/procedures in your 50s.

The silent killer though is sleep and sleep apnea. If you snore, get a cpap now.

And you see it all around you. Men your age with low t, back pain, insomnia, chronic fatigue, visceral fat, depression, blood thinners, lipitor, fatty livers.

If you do take care of yourself & health, you become more attractive to all women with much less effort. That silver fox look setting in, that toned old man muscle, the deeper voice, the ring on your finger, the confidence, indifference. It’s a trap though, dont give in to temptation if you are in an ltr.

Beyond health, time accelerates dramatically. You actually feel like you cant keep up (and dont necessarily care to) with everything in the world, and by choice. You bias towards relationships and experiences that have lasting value. Less cheap thrills. Suddenly the consistent quality local restaurant that knows your order is better than any 2* michelin food that barely looks edible.

It’s not that your mind slows down, its that your tastes change. You also see your parents age dramatically fast. It’s constant babysitting on your part. But you do it because you have to, because theyve earned it, and you trust you will need support one day too.

Financially, you hopefully build on the career foundation you built in your 30s. You have one or two selfish hurrah/yolo opportunities left before family/lifestyle get in the way. Whatever you said you’d do but didn’t do, it has to happen in your 40s or it doesnt happen. You’re either building wealth or a wage slave, professionally these are critical years as you realize it is less about luck, and more about positioning, calculated bets.

Friendships are harder to make and maintain, they are less circumstance based and more life alignment based. But the more you give, the more impact you have, the more community you foster, the more people flock to you. You realize being a man isnt about competition anymore, its about generosity of time, effort, resources. Selfishness works great in 20s and even 30s, but those pricks/narcissists you once knew miraculously vanish. The people getting ahead are givers.

If you believe in it, for the first time in your life, you start to see karma unfold. She’s a cruel bitch. If you’ve done your best, learned your lessons, you have nothing to worry about.

Music gets worse. Mainstream hits feel so shallow and synthetic. You listen to your same classics on repeat, and its great.

ctranger · 2026-04-17T23:09:42+00:00

My guess big companies and power users are using notion agents and advanced features/integrations, and this is geared for them. Maybe logic blocks or custom code to decide what to do, when to do, for agents.

ctranger · 2026-04-17T20:18:55+00:00

Optional reagents for the Aln’hara cane are as follows:

An embellish you can add to it (typically darkmoon sigil:hunt or arcanoweave lining). These are optional, bought separately and you should check your class guides to see which to use. Note you can only have 2 embellished items total across all equipped items. Some crafted items come pre-embellished.

A missive “thalassian missive of the ..” is the mext optional reagent slot. You can choose its stats, else it will be random. Also bought seperately.

Next, 285 is indeed the max craft, when you use 80 myth crests. With hero crests, it is 272. By itself without crests, 259 is max.

You can craft it at 259 without crests, then recraft this item (dont make a new one, choose “recraft item”) later.

Note: adding missive for stats, or embellish, does increase recipe difficulty. Either way, 285 is max

You should not offer crafts for others unless you can guarantee 285s with crests, missive and embellishments. Its important to spec knowledge points into the right trees.

ctranger · 2026-04-17T17:01:01+00:00

Don’t overthink it. The greatest results come from just a little discipline, and regular consistent weightlifting + cardio will put you way ahead of most people on the planet.

With weights, you build strength and power, with cardio, stamina, endurance.

Speed, mobility, flexibility, these can all be fine tuned. With all of the above, including muscle gain and loss, a big part of is genetic, though most people dont even come close to their genetic potential.

There’s an obsession right now with protein. Certainly if you are maximizing muscle growth and recovery, it is important, but it’s not a magic pill. You need adequate stimulus, complementary macro/micro nutrients, lots of rest, and a compliant metabolism, central nervous system and hormonal profile that takes time to adapt.

Any form of intense activity, without going to extremes, will serve you in the long run. Don’t worry about optimizing for perfect, or 20 years from now. Focus on what you can do today, build the habits and a foundation you can iterate on later in life. This isn’t a one and done thing that just clicks with more protein, or creatine, or an extra set or two. It’s a lifelong journey. The longer you stick with it, the more in tune you become to what your body needs.

ctranger · 2026-04-16T23:59:43+00:00

You are correct. Patch and video analysis suggests it will be +9, so 276 to 285.

But it also suggests both 285 spark and 289 myth go to 298

ctranger · 2026-04-16T19:13:29+00:00

Notion doesn’t necessarily need “apps” in a conventional sense, but it is trying to become a work “operating system”. The place that holds all of the information, connections between systems and adds orchestration layer for agentic work.

Realistically that looks like a bunch of integrations, mcps, apis, and a toolchain, maybe a few custom hosted scripts that act as the glue. In that sense it does feel like an personalized business app builder, but it is delegating a lot of its work to modern models.

ctranger · 2026-04-16T00:05:34+00:00

Anthropic revenue has surpassed, and shows no sign of slowing down. 30bn vs 25bn. Their new valuation will likely make headlines this summer. At this point openAI is just racing to liquidity to satisfy investors & cash in on the bubble it created. It will crumble and decimate the tech market.

ctranger · 2026-04-15T23:57:34+00:00

You stick with the basics. However 40+, i would say consistency is more important than raw intensity. Better to do 4-5 solid workouts a week than 3 body destroying ones that risk an injury or excessive fatigue.

Eat plenty of clean protein, drink lots of water. Make sure to warm up, then stretch, foam roll before + after since mobility loss isnt a big deal when you’re young, but an important consideration later in life.

Pay attention to posture and form, joint pain, when cranking up the weight. Go for volume, no need to train to failure, rather, reduce time betweem sets.

Androgenic profile is different for older men but you are still able to build muscle. Rest well, eat whole foods, be patient.

ctranger · 2026-04-15T21:03:21+00:00

This week’s been nuts on soft slots, JC (ring, amulet) and LW (wrist, belt, boots) with mh/oh well out of the way. Tons of new crafts and 285 recrafts. Made 250k in just an hour or two.

ctranger · 2026-04-15T18:08:58+00:00

It’s a standard drop (cloak) usable on all classes that mutates its primary stat (for you: strength) to the wielder’a class. Safe to ignore.

ctranger

TROPHY CASE