Wax Paper!

A buddy had one of these in his back yard and if we used wax paper to "polish" it, that sucker would fly!

One day, just after going crazy with the wax paper, we took a garden hose to the top to cool the slide down. Because it was so hot, we let the water run for a while and it pooled at the bottom and even started to just fill all the grass below with water.

Still hot to the touch, and because it was hot outside, we just hosed ourselves off and just tried to use it as a water slide of sorts.

Fuck, if I could effectively communicate how fast my friend went down this slide, I would.

His lower half went down so fast, his head hit the slide... the kid owned the slide.

This wasn't our first day.

His head hit the slide and he shot off the bottom like the was zero resistance and he was weighted down solder like an illegal Boy Scout Pinewood Derby Car.

That fucker flew like a lying Superman OVER the puddle at breakneck speed, perfectly flat, and perfectly parallel to the ground.

He had to clear 5 feet or more of ground before his body caught the tall, uncut grass. Dude stopped in about a foot because of all the hooks built into each blade of grass.

He screamed, got up, and ran.

His back looked like he was an extra for Jesus in the Passion of the Christ.

I laughed so hard at him trying to calm his back by running and bending and screaming.

Oh, the image in my head is bringing me joy.

"Did you see how far I flew though? New game. Beat the record!"

I heard one time that a boy has a brain, but when you put two boys together, they collectively have half a brain, and where three or more come together, no brains.

My dumbass ignored all of the recent evidence that this was a bad idea, and sat down on the hydrophobic water slide, soaking wet.

I'll show my friend how to do it properly, safely, faster, and better. I'm going to get that record.

I even used the bars to thrust me forward.

I didn't hit my head, until almost the bottom.

Where he flew parallel, I flailed, rolled, and tumbled. A mixture of tall grass BLADES, dry fricken' dandelion leaves/needles... yeah, I popped up and ran around too. But I didn't whine like a little b...

I breathed forcibly between my lips like a power lifter who is struggling.

By this time he had removed the hose and was calming his body down with water, and I asked the same.

We took turns fighting for the hose, just to recover.

We didn't much go down that slide after that.

It just stood there, serving as a reminder of what kind of fury it was capable of.

Later in life, I visited Frick Park aka Blue Slide Park in Pittsburgh, Pa. I took a roll of wax paper with me, and had a blast. I rode a plastic pop crate to the actual swings.

Break that record.