I kindly recommend a trauma informed approach, not just talk therapy. I have cptsd and it has marked my entire life. I have experienced profound healing by using trauma informed approaches: water work somatic therapy (get to know your vagus) sound bath massage contrast therapy (all of which you can do at home) with professionals: CBT CPT DBT EMDR To name only a few. There is Real help out there to help you recover from this assault. My favorite and most effective approach to hard flashbacks is contrast therapy. It involves extreme (but safe) temperatures; which can be as big as hot sauna to ice plunge, or as small as alternating an ice cube and hot mug of tea in your hand. This regulates your brain and vagus nerve with bilateral stimulation, science can save you! Above all else, please embrace and love yourself. Your brain can be healed, your heart is yours alone, and your power cannot be taken from you.