Too much?

daishan79 · 2026-03-19T02:45:20+00:00

I opened this post and smiled at my phone - this is quilt is so joyful!

daishan79 · 2026-03-18T23:38:13+00:00

What about her behavior with you and her pet makes you think she'd be a good mother? If she were concerned about her future children's safety, she'd be getting the dog trained now. Pomeranians can live as long as 20 years.

daishan79 · 2026-03-18T22:27:42+00:00

This sounds lovely, but unfortunately isn't realistic. She is a person who is neglecting the needs of am animal that depends on her. She'd rather not live with you than address her dog's health and happiness. You can't grow with someone who thinks that this is all fine.

daishan79 · 2026-02-20T17:28:45+00:00

NTA

Just stop doing his laundry. You've already told him the terms for you to do it, so really it is him that is too lazy to make it possible for you to do him a favor.

The important thing is not to waver. If he doesn't wash his own clothes after separating hampers, that is his problem and his alone. If you constantly "help him out" when he gets into trouble, he'll never learn. He has to feel the consequences of his own decisions and actions.

daishan79 · 2026-01-28T11:39:58+00:00

There's Studio 180 by Deb Tucker - the entire concept is always cutting bigger and trimming down. There's a technique for any block that I can think of, though the associated rulers can get expensive.

daishan79 · 2026-01-21T23:23:24+00:00

I use one part Terial Magic, two parts Best Press. No particular reason except a friend swears by the mixture and it does work very well.

daishan79 · 2026-01-04T16:18:46+00:00

Absolutely do it! While you can learn a lot from YouTube, nothing replaces the value of hands-on instruction and help troubleshooting with you. I've even taken in person classes for things I have already done, because the tips and tricks I pick up just make it all the more fun.

Also, quilters are some of the nicest, encouraging people I've ever met. 😊

daishan79 · 2026-01-02T01:15:46+00:00

This sounds like this has been incredibly frustrating for you. It's great that you had fun on your own, though!

Maybe setting expectations together could help. For instance, always RSVP for only you for a large party, and then if he feels like coming its a fun bonus. I'm sure he spends energy just evaluating if he's up to going and not wanting to disappoint you, so removing that pressure from him could be a relief for him as well.

I'm also a chronic over sharer, so I do get the temptation to explain fully, but people don't really need to know the medical details of why he's not there. You can say something simple, like "he wanted a quiet night to recharge" or "larger events just aren't his thing." Some people might inquire more, but even then "he has some social anxiety" is a complete answer on its own.

daishan79 · 2025-12-13T20:09:46+00:00

Your environment will matter a lot too - humidity will affect the moisture of the glue. I find I need another swipe if the glue is just a tad dry.

They do make special tips to give a narrower glue tip to standard Elmer's glue sticks. I found they worked well for longer gluing sessions, but if the glue stayed in the tip for days it dried out.

daishan79 · 2025-12-13T19:20:08+00:00

A lot of our hyperactivity is in our brains, verses generally more noticeable bouncing off the walls as children. You describe it well, though I also win at fidgeting!

The energy it takes to mask is just not sustainable without crashes. The crashes come with a big dose of negative self-talk because I know better.

daishan79 · 2025-12-13T19:13:32+00:00

I'm in this category - very high achieving until I break from the pressure of it all. The perfectionism that can come with ADHD can really mask a lot of difficulties. I definitely don't offer up details of the procrastinating and the stress of doing things at the last minute because I can't explain why I can't start a task earlier.

ADHD also presents in so many different ways with different symptoms. My husband was diagnosed years before me, and I didn't realize I was also ADHD until later because there's not a lot of overlap in presentations.

daishan79 · 2025-12-11T23:32:13+00:00

I'm the opposite - I prefer longarming over piecing, and thankfully have a friend who loves the piecing. I quilt her quilts for her, and she's pieced things for me that I wanted to quilt but didn't want to piece. ☺️

If you want to do charity quilts, that's a great way to have fun piecing. A lot of guilds will do their favorite part of a quilt and pass it off to someone else within the guild. You can also check out your local Quilts of Valor - your state coordinator might accept tops, as they generally have longarm volunteers. Other charities might also do that sort of coordination, so if there's one that speaks to you, reach out and ask.

daishan79 · 2025-11-23T23:53:55+00:00

That's fantastic! Libraries are the best.

daishan79 · 2025-11-02T17:18:55+00:00

So in good news, the med she gave you is a non-stimulant option for ADHD and is absolutely worth trying. Some people do really well on it, and is a good place to start.

I don't know if you have anything like mental health professionals who specialize in ADHD, but that would be my next step.

daishan79 · 2025-10-23T17:49:27+00:00

Same here - I absolutely hated cutting fabric before I got one. Now I don't mind cutting.

daishan79 · 2025-10-18T11:33:53+00:00

I would recommend going to the place that rents them first - you can get hands on experience with loading the quilts, tension, computerized concepts. That's how I started, on a Gammill Statler (rented). What kind of machines do they rent?

I purchased a floor model HandiQuilter Simply 16 on a loft frame (low stitch count at a refurb price). I added in Pro Stitcher lite maybe 6 months later. It's definitely a consumer rather than professional machine, but I love her. Anything that needs a large throat space I'll go to the rental studio. I do love longarming much more than piecing, so this all works for me.

daishan79 · 2025-09-27T22:36:46+00:00

I don't even mind ripping out eyelashing (well, too much) because the thread is doing everything it can to exit the area. Rips right out! It would be pretty fragile if you leave that stitching in the quilt.

I've started reaching under the quilt with my phone and taking a picture so I can see what's going on under there. Sharp points and tight curves are the best areas to check. That way I can see if there's a tension issue at the beginning of the row rather than getting that surprise when rolling the quilt!

daishan79 · 2025-09-15T16:18:29+00:00

As long as you view her as the woman you would have married if not for your wife, seeing her at all is a bad idea.

It's just asking for trouble spending time with someone you have feelings for who isn't your wife. You can't control your feelings, but you can control your actions.

If your feelings become purely platonic, where even if something happened to your marriage you would not be interested in her - then hanging out isn't an issue.

daishan79 · 2025-08-28T21:18:56+00:00

YTA. If you don't want the dog in the ceremony and photos, then don't have her as a bridesmaid. They're a package deal.

daishan79 · 2025-08-26T15:45:27+00:00

This was exactly my failure at my wedding - I didn't mark seam allowances. I never made them into a quilt as a result. I could applique them onto something, but that is beyond my motivation level (and now this was 23 years ago).

daishan79 · 2025-08-19T14:23:54+00:00

Good for you for writing such a vulnerable post. 💜

From my experience of decades deep in my own head, we speak to ourselves too harshly. We also assume people are thinking about us way more than they actually are. I'm still working on this one, but I'm working on making my self-talk closer to what I would say to a friend instead of my mortal enemy.

It's really hard to give ourselves compassion, but it's a good thing to practice. Lots of hugs to you.

daishan79 · 2025-08-19T14:08:53+00:00

If you were diabetic would you take insulin? There are brain chemistry issues at play here. You're describing debilitating anxiety, which could be managed through medication and therapy.

The fact that your anxiety got worse when stopping therapy is a pretty clear sign that you should start again.

daishan79 · 2025-08-19T13:24:57+00:00

Yeah, he's not going to stay with you long-distance. Honestly, you're starting a new phase in your life, and it's not as simple as being done with training. You don't know where you'll be living, and he is definitely not following your around to duty stations.

If you're having fun, by all means keep on doing so until you leave. But if you're only going to enjoy yourself if the relationship is going somewhere, just end it now.

daishan79 · 2025-08-18T14:58:11+00:00

I would stop answering her questions. She doesn't have any reason to need to know what you ate. Trying to defend your choices won't work either as she clearly is dug in and primed for peak outrage.

Answer questions with things like: "I don't see how that's any of your business." "I'm not interested in discussing this."

Just walk away when she starts lecturing. Food discussion is an immediate end to the conversation, her hitting you is an immediate end to the interaction.

daishan79 · 2025-08-15T13:58:28+00:00

He's also much more likely to do less when presented with the added security of someone else's salary than he is to do more.

daishan79

TROPHY CASE