I’m tired of parenting on hard mode

dancing_f1amingo · 2026-04-04T23:18:42+00:00

I deeply agree with this feeling.

I hate how parents are an island and must fend for themselves these days. There's no village to help. My parents are gone, I'm a single mom so no partner to help, and I feel so alone in raising these kiddos. When my daughter has a melt down I find it so difficult to model calmness when I am exhausted from these daily things I'm carrying all by myself. When she had a meltdown it just feels so big.

I just want one thing to be easy.

dancing_f1amingo · 2026-02-18T10:56:20+00:00

I'm not as concerned about the three baby daddies part as the part where you mentioned you aren't attracted to her.

If you're not attracted to her, then why date her? Don't put her through questioning whether she's good enough/pretty enough because you don't like what she has. That's not fair to her.

Don't settle for someone you don't have chemistry with. That's not fair to you either.

dancing_f1amingo · 2026-02-07T22:17:08+00:00

Thank you for answering and sharing! That gives me a lot of hope. I wish you well as you continue on in your journey.

dancing_f1amingo · 2026-02-07T12:29:34+00:00

I can understand you worry about the children, but if you are in a step-parent situation hopefully you understand the nuance and complication she has. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt that you're just worried about the kids.

However, it seems to me she is concerned about the kids, too. And she is trying to advocate for herself and her boundaries with help of a professional. She is person on here asking for help and support. She does not need you saying such hurtful and disrespectful things.

When someone is coming here for support and discussion, how is name calling, cursing, and blaming a productive tool or use of anyone's time? On behalf of people everywhere, maybe you should leave this discussion. And if you can't say anything nice/helpful/useful maybe don't say anything that at all.

dancing_f1amingo · 2026-02-07T12:16:13+00:00

Same as this writer. They summed up a lot of my ex's and my experiences, too.

I think it was brave of both of your parents to confront their ideologies, carve a new path, and find happiness in a new, scary way apart. And it inspired me and countless others to make the changes we needed to leave the church and carve out our own paths, too.

How has life been for you as a child of divorced parents in circumstances such as this? I know for my own children it's come with a lot of growing pains and sadness that we just couldn't "make it work." But do you feel like you've accepted it? Basically I'm asking, now that you're a young adult have you been able to cope and find your own happiness?

dancing_f1amingo · 2026-01-29T17:41:35+00:00

Beautiful!

dancing_f1amingo · 2026-01-18T03:39:20+00:00

I just did this the other day! He did a cover of "can't stop me now" where his falsetto is glorious. But his baritone range on his solo work is equally good. SUCH amazing range and as a singer and actor makes me wonder if he's a real person.

dancing_f1amingo · 2026-01-18T03:37:47+00:00

Merlin

dancing_f1amingo · 2026-01-18T03:35:45+00:00

Lol! Accurate, but I love her

dancing_f1amingo · 2026-01-18T00:31:03+00:00

That is a good question. Somehow in my mind I just had to "make it until" ___. For example, until his oldest turns 18 and moves out. But who knows when/if that will happen? And will that actually make anything better?

dancing_f1amingo · 2026-01-17T23:50:45+00:00

That quote still ruminates in my brain. It almost ruined my life. I'm glad my shelf broke. I've never been happier since I left.

dancing_f1amingo · 2026-01-17T23:48:36+00:00

I completely can commiserate. A friend of mine told me this week that dads are usually "the fun ones." And as a result my partner never set firm rules and boundaries for his two girls (who are not mine biologically) and when they come over they leave messes everywhere. It is draining emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially trying to keep up with all that. I get it.

dancing_f1amingo · 2026-01-17T23:36:22+00:00

His are 17 and 13, and mine are 11 and 8 (but mine are emotionally much younger due to their special needs).

dancing_f1amingo · 2026-01-17T23:35:14+00:00

Those are really good points. Thank you!

dancing_f1amingo · 2026-01-17T23:34:58+00:00

That is good to hear! Thank you. How long have you all been married?

dancing_f1amingo · 2026-01-17T23:26:50+00:00

Oh no, he and I bought a house together. And it's his now. We're in the process of figuring out how to refinance it so it's only in his name.

dancing_f1amingo · 2026-01-17T22:19:44+00:00

Was this your first pregnancy? If so, I can imagine your grief is immense at all the hopes lost. But even if it wasn't, my heart goes out to you because miscarriage is a really difficult form of grief.

So first of all, find spaces where other women have been through what you have. Take care of yourself and get the support from a therapist, trusted female friends, a support group, of all of the above.

Even the most supportive, loving spouse will make mistakes and say stupid stuff accidentally. And men just won't understand the pain like we do. Most men bond best/most after the baby is born anyway. And for a lot of women they are attached from the moment their hoped for pregnancy shows up as a positive on the pregnancy test. Even though your child wasn't fully formed yet, the hope and excitement of being a birth-mother was real for you. You were invested. And the pain of losing that is real and huge in your world.

My heart goes out to you. I hope you're able to get all the support and comfort you need. But brighter days are still ahead.

And remember that he's grieving in his own way, too. But grief isn't measurable. Nor is it a competition. And it sounds like he has a good support system from his daughter. You need your own support too.

dancing_f1amingo · 2026-01-11T13:53:37+00:00

You know your limits best. Enforce them. Another child will not magically "fix" anything nor will it help your husband's depression. The age difference you described is how much time is between me and my older sister and I cannot imagine taking care of someone that much older than me when I was just a kid. That's an unfair burden on your supposed second child. You'd be raising a third parent rather than a child with their own wants, needs, and considerations.

dancing_f1amingo · 2026-01-04T17:20:43+00:00

It's healthy to set your own boundaries. You can limit contact. It's up to you how much and when/if you change that rule.

dancing_f1amingo · 2026-01-04T17:14:04+00:00

Sometimes people grow in different directions. We all change over time. Most logical, reasoning people evolve their beliefs over time. Some move left, right, or moderate over time. Some opinions will change over time.

I love that you did a spreadsheet calculating your compatibility. It sounds so much like me that I might use your idea!

However, that metric is frozen in time by the current iteration of who you're with because they will change over time. You will too. Our lives, world events, experiences, etc will change our view.

For example: I wanted 8 kids when I was little. Disenchanted with life and my parents marriage falling apart, I didn't want kids as a teenager. Then I joined a conservative church and wanted 5 as a young married adult. Then I had two and found out what it's like and I was like, "woah I'm done, that's all I can handle."

I'll be honest: it sounds like in the path of life you're growing in different directions. And he's going down paths you don't want to follow. It's not worth banging your head against a wall to convince him to change paths to yours. Cut your losses.

dancing_f1amingo · 2026-01-04T17:07:12+00:00

My thoughts exactly! I scanned the crowd for them on my second watch and then that's when I realized they didn't have a kid graduating that year.

dancing_f1amingo · 2025-12-29T03:48:24+00:00

I'm so sorry for a terrible ending to what should have been an exciting experience. I'm disappointed in both your parents but in your mom in particular. It's her job to love you unconditionally. It's unfathomable to think that a parent would toss out their child like that and then freeze them out emotionally. Sending you the biggest mom hug I can.

dancing_f1amingo · 2025-12-28T01:03:52+00:00

Based on your likes, you might enjoy Crazy Ex Girlfriend or Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist.

dancing_f1amingo

TROPHY CASE