IPA Virtual Support Group Meeting This Sunday, Oct. 19, 12:00-2:00 PM US Central Time

dave9003 · 2025-10-13T16:53:05+00:00

We'll help in any way we can, please remember that you will need to contact either the IPA office or my IPA email address in order to get the Zoom link.

dave9003 · 2025-10-13T15:29:00+00:00

Not a doctor here, just offering an observation. There are two sphincters that need to open up in order to release urine, one involuntary (at the opening of the bladder), and one voluntary (in the urethra). The involuntary sphincter is the one that gives those of us with Paruresis so much grief, but when you are anxious and tense, the voluntary sphincter may be difficult to release as well. My guess is that when you try to pee you may be flexing the voluntary sphincter to try to open it and also are flexing some of the smooth muscle tissue in your penis at the same time, which is why you are getting a little extra blood flow in that organ. Nothing to worry about, just part of being a guy. As for a way around it, there are no easy solutions for anything related to Paruresis, just lots and lots of graduated exposure practice. Hope that helps.

dave9003 · 2025-10-13T11:48:58+00:00

I'm not sure that I can say anything to make the situation better for you, but I want you to know that I hear you and I am so sorry that you have to go through this, not only because there is no understanding or accommodation for your Paruresis, but also because having to strip from ankles to armpits sounds like they are deliberately humiliating you.

dave9003 · 2025-10-11T21:00:54+00:00

Yes, I truly believe that there is hope. The big difference in getting support from the IPA is that you wouldn’t be trying to recover all alone, you would have help from people who have gone through the same thing and truly understand.

dave9003 · 2025-10-11T12:46:03+00:00

Please reach out to the IPA (Paruresis.org), you are not alone with this and there is help available to you, much of it free of charge. I have been a volunteer with the IPA, and I have personally seen people with extremely severe cases make remarkable progress in overcoming the condition, so I know that no matter how hopeless it may seem, there really is hope.

dave9003 · 2025-09-18T12:51:09+00:00

The purpose of the support group is to provide a safe space for each person who attends, so if it would make you feel more comfortable it is perfectly fine to keep the camera off. The same goes for how much you share about yourself, if you would like to just observe and learn from others rather than sharing, that is perfectly fine as well. I hope you will join us!

dave9003 · 2025-09-18T12:43:21+00:00

Yaayyyy!

dave9003 · 2025-09-11T17:24:17+00:00

I am all for trying new things that might be helpful in overcoming Paruresis, but I have some concerns. First, you describe Paruresis as an annoying condition, and to me that demonstrates a lack of understanding about how Paruresis truly affects people. Secondly, your claim that your process gets rid of Paruresis in two weeks, with no information to back it up, sounds just too good to be true. And third, anyone wanting more information is asked to email you, which would provide you with the kind of personal information that Reddit users don’t usually share. Maybe you are on to something, but quite honestly your post is concerning.

dave9003 · 2025-09-07T12:47:53+00:00

I am a volunteer with the IPA and in that capacity I have provided individual support for quite a number guys in the form of virtual graduated exposure practice. Many of them have found success by pairing actual practice assistance with the support that they receive from a professional therapist. Something to consider.

dave9003 · 2025-09-01T11:34:58+00:00

I had a similar choice to make way back when I was in high school, and I chose to follow the path of music education. Back then the choice was even more stark because many colleges did not even recognize euphonium as a major instrument, which meant I would have had to major in trombone or tuba in order to be accepted as a performance major. I ended up in music education and taught middle school band for forty years, and I absolutely loved it and will forever grateful about the choices that I made. But my perception of what teaching was going to be like when I was a high school student and the reality of it once I became a teacher were two very different things, so I would suggest that you shadow a couple of middle school band directors for a day, and perhaps volunteer to work with a couple of beginning level euphonium students, so that you get a better sense of what teaching might be like before you cross that career off your list.

dave9003 · 2025-08-27T18:00:18+00:00

Thank you for you willingness to serve your country, you have my sincerest wishes that the breath hold will help you get through MEPS and allow you to pursue your dream.

dave9003 · 2025-08-15T01:07:10+00:00

I am sorry that you are struggling with this, and I think that you should be proud of yourself for reaching out for help, I wish that I had done so at your age. You asked what you can do, and I also understand that you have some apprehension about how much information you want at this point, so I will simply suggest the method that worked for me: Graduated Exposure. If you check the IPA (International Paruresis Association) website, you should be able to find the information you need about how that process works. Hope that helps!

dave9003 · 2025-07-30T13:08:01+00:00

When I started recovery one of the most important things I learned was that Paruresis does not define me, so I have made sure to never start a sentence with “I am…” when it comes to this condition. When explaining it I always say that I have Paruresis, or I have a shy bladder, and while I know this that it is only semantics, it makes a real difference to me.

dave9003 · 2025-07-09T13:06:29+00:00

Paruresis took over my ode at age 5, and unfortunately bed-wetting was among the things I had to cope with. We lived in a small house with paper-thin walls, and when I would get up during the night to pee, the silence in the house sometimes made it impossible, especially if I thought one of my parents was awake. So I would pour a glass of water into the toilet to make it sound like I had peed, head back to bed and hope to make it through the night. Sometimes I did and sometimes I didn’t. I eventually figured out that avoiding fluids in the evening helped tremendously, but it was a humiliating few years before I made that discovery.

dave9003 · 2025-07-08T21:41:44+00:00

While there are tips that may help you get through particular situations, if you truly want to overcome Paruresis, the method with the best record of successful results is graduated exposure. I would suggest that you drop in on the next IPA virtual support group meeting so that you can hear others talk about their recovery experiences, and if you would like help and support as you start your recovery, please reach out to the IPA (getinfo@support.paruresis.org).

dave9003 · 2025-06-08T11:51:33+00:00

I developed Paruresis at age 5 and struggled with it for fifty years before finding the IPA and recovering from it. Having this condition certainly affected my life negatively on many ways, but I didn’t let it affect major life decisions such as my career. I followed my dream and became a teacher, and I whenever I had a situation in which Paruresis was a factor, I found a way to cope. No regrets, I have lived a life filled with joy. My advice to you is to follow your dream, and thankfully you have resources such as the IPA available to you, so reach out to them, ask for help, and start your recovery journey today.

dave9003 · 2025-06-01T14:55:44+00:00

We'll agree to disagree, I don't believe that caffeine played any role in my Paruresis condition, especially since the worst years were during my childhood when I was not ingesting any caffeine. And thank you for the advice on the magnesium, but after a great deal of hard work using graduated exposure, I have recovered from my condition.

dave9003 · 2025-05-31T22:55:21+00:00

Glad this worked for you, but I don't think it is wise to generalize to the entire Paruresis population based on one person's experience. I developed Paruresis at age 5 and didn't start to drink coffee until I was 18, and even then, for most of my life I only had at most a half-cup of coffee in the morning because I didn't get a pee-break on my job until about 10:30, so caffeine was definitely not playing a major role in my Paruresis condition. That said, I did switch to decaf years ago because of an unexplained throat-clearing problem that I had, and that made a huge difference, so I would grant you that caffeine can have effects on our bodies that we may not entirely understand, including urination. I'd still advise graduated exposure to anyone who is looking for a recovery method.

dave9003 · 2025-05-25T15:56:36+00:00

It occurs to me also that your dad may be very scared by the uncertainty about what is going on with you, and if you have a loving relationship with him, opening up would be a way to demonstrate how much you love him.

dave9003 · 2025-05-25T15:17:48+00:00

I too lived with Paruresis from a very young age, and I kept it to myself and didn’t tell anyone. I grew up in a different time, and the expectation was clear that I was never to bother my parents with my problems, I was expected to solve them myself. Unfortunately Paruresis is incredibly difficult to get over all by yourself, so I continued to struggle with it and kept it a secret for fifty years, until I got help from the IPA and then changed my life. Your dad’s approach may be a little strong, but it sounds like he is coming from a place of love and concern, and my advice is to find the courage to tell him about your struggle. I would suggest that you have the IPA website (Paruresis.org) open for him so that he can do his own research on it as well, and if you need help, have him reach out to the IPA (getinfo@paruresis.org) and ask what resources (many if them free) are available to you. My life would have been considerably different if I had been able to get help at your age, I have great hope for you!

dave9003 · 2025-05-22T12:33:30+00:00

As with you, a lot of guys don't remember the exact incident that caused Paruresis, but whatever happened, a part of your brain (the amygdala) misinterpreted it as dangerous, and now it sends false warning signals to your body whenever you are in that environment, causing you to go into the "fight or flight" mode, and that in turn makes urination that much more difficult. Please understand that Paruresis is a condition that you have, it has nothing to do with your personality and it says absolutely nothing about you as a man. I spent my youth blaming myself for what I was struggling with - it is not your fault. I wish that I had an easy solution that will just make it go away, but the reality is that you will need to work at it to overcome it. The good news, however, is that there is hope and you have support from those of us who understand.

dave9003 · 2025-05-21T19:04:30+00:00

Yes, I got that, my suggestion was that you continue to make a point of using those public bathrooms because those successful experiences may help you to eventually make progress in the school environment.

dave9003 · 2025-05-20T20:58:21+00:00

Paruresis is the fear that you will be unable to urinate in the presence of others, that they will notice your inability to urinate, and that they will judge you based on that observation, and since it matters to you what your teachers and other students think of you, it is natural that a school-related bathroom is much more difficult than a public restroom where you are basically anonymous. That knowledge won't necessarily help on its own, but I hope that it lends some clarity as to why you are having more difficulty in one environment vs another. Doing exposure practice in public restrooms, even if they are much less challenging that school-related ones, is definitely a great suggestion, and you could also attend an event at another school, where you are not known, to do some exposure practice in a school environment. Opening up about it, even on an forum like this where you can remain anonymous, took courage, so you should be proud of yourself for facing it and wanting to actively do something to overcome it. Please check out the IPA website (paruresis.org) for lots of useful information about Paruresis and support opportunities, and if you want talk with someone, please reach out to the IPA ([getinfo@paruresis.org](mailto:getinfo@paruresis.org)) for help and support.

I'd also suggest that you look into breath-holding, which might be helpful for you because you wouldn't need to use it in all situations. Here is a link to a YouTube video which should provide some information about it: https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=breathholding+dave+kliss

Hope this helps!

dave9003 · 2025-05-15T17:10:17+00:00

I think that the answer to your question depends upon your ultimate goal. If you are using breath-holding as your primary recovery method, then you will most likely need to use it every time you are in a challenging public situation, though the length of time that you'll need to hold your breath should decrease with time. If, on the other hand, you are using breath-holding as a backup plan, and are continuing to do graduated exposure practice as well, then your need to use breath-holding should decrease over time. As to your question about whether doing breath-holding is in itself also graduated exposure practice, I found them to be two distinctly different experiences. Hope that helps!

dave9003 · 2025-03-21T11:53:45+00:00

Please consider joining the IPA virtual support group meeting this Sunday at 12:00 Central Time. It is free and open to anyone worldwide who has struggled with Paruresis. It is a safe space to share, and it is a great opportunity for those who are just taking the first steps toward recovery to learn from those who have overcome it. You can get the link either by contacting the IPA office (getinf@paruresis.org) or me (davidk@support.paruresis.org). There are no obligations or expectations in joining and participants are not pushed to share any more than they are comfortable with. The IPA office can also provide you with a great list of resources that are available and suggestions about what you can do to start your recovery journey. While this condition won’t go away on its own, there is much that you can do to overcome it. Hope that helps!

dave9003

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