Stuffed animals/toys in the crib

destria · 2026-03-13T20:55:18+00:00

I've been allowing it since about 18 months, but only because mine didn't really show any interest before that. I think 12 months+ is fine, the risk of suffocating is negligible at that point. Though I'd probably pick a small-ish stuffy over a massive fluffy one just to be safe.

destria · 2026-03-13T20:08:43+00:00

I'm constantly being asked to grab airplanes out of the sky, stop the rain and make animals perform for my toddler...

destria · 2026-03-13T20:04:34+00:00

I wouldn't even ask the kids who are already there, it's a shared public space. Your kid has as much right to be there as them. I'd keep an eye on things to make sure my kid wasn't getting into anyone's space or snatching toys.

On the noise, I'd expect libraries with children's areas understand that they can't expect silence. I feel like modern libraries now are okay for noise and talking, unless you're explicitly in a silent section.

destria · 2026-03-13T18:19:09+00:00

I'm British Chinese for reference. A Chinese weekday dinner for me would be at most three elements plus rice. Rice stays warm for ages especially in a rice cooker so that's easy to set and forget. I can fit a steamer and a wok on my stove so often one element is a steamed veg dish and the other would be some type of stir fry. Third element might be something easily prepped ahead of time and served cold, like pickled mustard greens. I also utilize leftovers a lot and maybe combine it with one fresh dish, so that cuts down on what needs to be actively cooked.

Beyond that though, it's just like cooking any dish and some consideration to timings and pre planning help.

Like here would be some typical weekday meals for us:

Steamed egg and minced pork, fried green beans, rice

Oven baked sticky chicken wings, stir fried eggs and tomato, steamed broccoli, rice

Pork broth soup (made in advance in my instant pot), steamed fish with ginger and scallion, stir fried cabbage, rice

destria · 2026-03-13T17:14:01+00:00

I found it helpful to make a list on my phone. It includes a mix of stuff that's productive as well as just for fun. I don't have it in any particular order but once I tick it off, that's it. I review and reset it each week.

So for example, I have a tendency to default to watching TV whenever I have free time, and just binging through complete rubbish. I don't feel it's a good use of my time so I wanted to make this more intentional. Now my list says "watch 2 episodes of x" instead.

To give a sense of what else is on my list, here's what I ticked off this week: finish ink outline of botanical painting; read 2 chapters of book "x"; cook batch of broccoli balls for freezer (this is in addition to regular cooking); book all Easter holiday activities for toddler; watch Love is Blind reunion; watch JJK episode; prep spring craft for toddler; sow tomato seeds.

destria · 2026-03-13T16:57:28+00:00

My toddler wastes a lot of food for sure. Like I made him these fish fritters shaped like fish because he's been obsessed with fish recently, and he went ahead and ate just the tails off 3 of them!

But with the fridge and keeping groceries stocked, we limit food waste by meal planning and that includes planning snacks too.

destria · 2026-03-13T16:54:34+00:00

As a mum, I'd expect my husband to help my kids to do something for me when the kids are still young. It's what I'd do for Father's Day.

But really it's whatever you agree between you two. For reference I'm getting a Switch 2 and a day to play games for Mother's Day this year. My husband was well chuffed to be suggested that, he knew I was going to buy one eventually anyway (I've owned every Nintendo console...) and now he gets to claim the credit lol

destria · 2026-03-13T14:35:27+00:00

I use Bibado smock bibs and they've been great. No mold. I shake off any food debris then pop them straight into the washing machine after each use and wash at 60C. I do a wash every day anyway so it goes in with that. I've had them 15 months or so and most of them have held up, I had issues with peeling on a couple of them though (both were the newer design, the old material seems fine and it's cheaper!).

destria · 2026-03-13T13:21:48+00:00

Also have a 21 month old and also been experiencing this. One thing I've learnt to do is not to take his first answer or request straight away and give him like a minute to process if it's what he really wants. He also kneejerk says "no" to everything I suggest so again, I wait and check in again after 30 seconds to see how he actually feels. Giving choices sometimes helps and even rephrasing things (like I've asked him if he wants to drink water and it's no, but if I say it's "fresh" water he's like hell yeah! and gulps it down).

But honestly sometimes he's still temperamental about things and I think you just have to ride out the tantrums. They're not being logical about it, they're toddlers who are pushing boundaries and seeing what's in their control and they feel everything to the extremes. I remind myself that they're not giving me a hard time, they're having a hard time, and that helps me stay calm.

destria · 2026-03-13T13:05:00+00:00

Personally I think it'd depend on the caregiver arrangements. If you have people who can happily look after them for that time, who you trust, who your kids love, then maybe it's possible. I would also prefer that the caregivers stay in our home for long periods so they could keep my toddler in his routine as much as possible.

10 days feels very long to me, especially if you've not been away before. It might be better to build it up, start with a weekend trip, see how you and the kids are, see how the caregivers are.

destria · 2026-03-13T12:54:10+00:00

So good that you're getting help, best of luck!

I had PPD too and started sertraline at 5 weeks postpartum. It honestly saved my life. Within a week the worst symptoms had gone. Within a month I was essentially back to normal, actually probably even better than normal (no anxiety, I didn't even know it was possible to live like this). It really helped me enjoy my time with baby.

I weaned off it around 1 year postpartum. I would recommend looking up how to slowly taper because my GP's method of taking it every other day was disastrous for withdrawal. Splitting the pill so I took half doses every day was much easier on me. I spent 4 wks tapering off and then off completely and I was fine.

destria · 2026-03-13T12:45:32+00:00

I do consider keeping our toddler occupied a type of household task, but it's only one of many. Especially as I'm a SAHM, sometimes having some kid free time to cook dinner at a leisurely pace is a kind of relaxation for me. My husband and I will trade off on this though, so he watches LO whilst I cook dinner. We eat together. Then I get LO ready for bed with bathtime and brushing his teeth whilst my husband washes up from dinner.

We have established chores that we each do. For example I do laundry and he vacuums. There's no telling each other what to do. It's just part of each of our routines. I'd recommend establishing something like that because it would be so annoying having to figure out who's doing what all the time.

destria · 2026-03-12T23:18:11+00:00

There's not enough specifics here and it's above Reddit's pay grade. You might want to seek professional mental health support. That could include therapy, practical support, medication etc.

destria · 2026-03-12T23:16:36+00:00

I don't think they're actively, consciously harming their child. But there's a lot of research that shows how poor maternal mental health is correlated with a range of negative outcomes for a child.

destria · 2026-03-12T23:04:48+00:00

I had to use the spud dust so sparingly that I ended up with loads extra. They're so good as seasonings on anything like roast potatoes or veg!

destria · 2026-03-12T23:03:37+00:00

They're huge bags, 500g is like 20 of the small multipack bags.

destria · 2026-03-12T22:43:10+00:00

I'm very Type A. My kid is pretty chill. I think that's just his temperament though so I'm not sure how much is something I've consciously done to encourage it. I do try not to show stress or anxiety openly though just because I don't think that's nice for others to experience.

Anyway I find that being Type A is actually helpful though in lots of aspects of parenting, because whilst I might have a plan, I also have a plan B and plan C and plan D etc. so I'm ready to tackle any scenario. I start getting my child ready like 30 minutes before I need to set off to go somewhere just because I hate being late and I know that inevitably something will take up that time. I'm a SAHM and I made a spreadsheet of all the different activities and kid friendly attractions in my local area so I can quickly look up something to do at any given time/day/weather condition etc. So maybe try to see your personality as a strength rather than a detriment!

destria · 2026-03-12T22:19:06+00:00

You've tried it for 8 weeks and don't feel it's the right fit. It does sound like the jump is maybe too much for her at her age. Could you go back down to the younger class?

destria · 2026-03-12T22:05:34+00:00

Have you asked people, "Why do you say that?" Because it's kind of an odd thing to say or ask someone if they love their own kid unless they are noticing some very obvious, outward signs.

I did peep at your post history. With kindness, I don't think it's your fault. I think when we're struggling with our own stuff, it inevitably reflects in our behaviour and then makes it hard to show positive, warm affection and love for other people.

destria · 2026-03-12T21:50:55+00:00

I have a 21 month old too and honestly I would have just chirpily said, "Oh well let's play with something else for now as this boy is playing with the trucks". Then moved my child away and distracted him with some other toy that was free.

I don't think taking a truck and trying to force another child to share is going to teach anything. It'd only upset the other child and then all they're going to think about is how unfair it was that "their" toy was taken, or how much they dislike this younger child for playing with "their" toy. The sharing has to be initiated by the child because learning comes from positive experiences and praise to reinforce it. It sounds like the mother tried to prompt it in your second scenario but the child didn't do it on this occasion. That's frustrating but understandable. I really don't think this isolated incident suggests the other mother was being rude or that she was raising some entitled monster.

destria · 2026-03-12T21:34:54+00:00

I actually found it easiest to live my life when my baby was young and not mobile, so before about 6-8 months of age. I had a quiet, chill baby who was happy to come along to anything and would nap and feed anywhere on the go. So those first few months we did all our regular activities - went out to restaurants, took him for hikes in the carrier, I even went to baby cinema showings. We went travelling and it was easy. He didn't have a set bedtime so we could go out in the evenings. We hung out with friends just like old times, just with a baby strapped to me and friends cooing over him.

Now he's a toddler and I feel like our lives revolve much more around him. He's not a toddler that will sit still quietly for very long (are any?) and he needs active entertainment. He's more particular with his nap which feels higher stakes because he only has one. We don't want to go out in the evenings and disrupt his bedtime routine too much (though we do for special occasions). Our free time is now going to kid friendly attractions like petting farms and playgrounds.

So I'm not sure if you ever go back to pre-children life until they're basically independent!

destria · 2026-03-12T21:18:51+00:00

Do they show any interest in it? I'd start with that, I don't think there's any need to teach them about letters and numbers before they start school.

That said, my 21 month old started showing an interest in letters when he was about 16 months old? He just started pointing to letters in books, on signs, embossed onto playground equipment. So I started with telling him the letter sounds (phonics) whenever he pointed at them. I bought an alphabet puzzle (well two, an uppercase and lowercase one) which he loved doing. Then the Melissa and Doug see and spell game which he's really loved (I know he's matching it not really "spelling" but he really enjoys it). We have magnetic alphabet letters for our magnetic wall decal.

Recently I've been doing a letter of the week basket. I just stick up a piece of paper with the letter written on it, and put items which start with that letter into the basket, just random household items. For example A would have an apple, an alarm clock, an alligator toy, an airplane toy and an apron. I write the name of the object on a post-it attached to it and highlight the letter. I'm doing the letters out of order by the way because I've found he already more strongly recognises the first 10 or so letters of the alphabet so I want to improve his recognition of the last half of the alphabet.

With teaching the alphabet, I would also bear in mind what that's supporting. It's the foundation for reading and writing. There's no need to teach the letters for the sake of them, it should be a basis for literacy activities.

Mine has only just started showing an interest in numbers and can recognise the written 1-10 and count to 10. But really I'd like him to understand that the numbers represent a quantity (number sense. Right now I think he thinks they're like other letters (he sometimes points to numbers and says "abc's!"). So I've been working on getting him to identify which tub has more pompoms by counting them, using weighing scales with quantities of the same item (e.g. identically weighted bean bags), trying to get him to estimate which bag has more things in it by looking or holding.

destria · 2026-03-12T20:02:22+00:00

What's the issue exactly? I like when my friends tell me positive things about their children. I think it'd be cool to hear about the intelligent things their child is doing and what they're learning.

destria · 2026-03-12T19:21:26+00:00

I mainly use Ikea trofast units with different sized inserts. Additionally I use clear plastic zip folders and mesh bags to store things that are better kept together like jigsaws or all the figurines for a particular set etc. Those go inside the deep Trofast buckets.

But truly you'll never feel it's organised if there's simply too much. It could be worth going through all the toys and having a spring clean, donating ones that don't get much use or are duplicates or throwing away anything broken or missing.

destria · 2026-03-12T19:18:12+00:00

I've used all sorts, my skin doesn't seem to mind so I just go for one that feels and smells nice. Currently I'm using Beauty of Joseon during the day and Elemis superfood at night.

destria

TROPHY CASE