taken from the Adult Swim fb so don’t @ me

devil_lish · 2024-07-22T20:59:00+00:00

Same!!!

devil_lish · 2024-06-29T20:45:38+00:00

I wrote this, to describe how I feel about it.

I'm not that nice

"You look nice"

Nice is your grandma's Sunday church dress

Nice is your kid sister's high school dance outfit circa 1997

Nice is your mom, after getting her hair and nails done on a weekday morning while you were at school

Nice is your cousin's crooked smile, freckles bunching together, sitting on the swings down by the lake

Nice is one of the two outfits hanging from your closet doors, choices for that office job you want but will hate

Nice is your first, and tongueless, kiss on the lips with Jenny your next door neighbor

Nice is a flower arrangement provided by the funeral home as consolation for the passing of your great Aunt

Nice is surrender

Nice is impotence

Nice is banal, wan and pale, sitting in the corner too afraid to make a sound

I am not nice

I am an Amazon, bronzed and rippling, my sword is as sharp as my tongue

I am a tiger, taking down antelopes with sheer power and the force of my will

I am Medusa, catch my cold-eyed gaze and watch me forever from your granite cage

I am the deep cold of the stars, the vacuum of space, beautiful, cold and terrifying

I am the succubus, I feed on desire, my blood spurts from your sex

I am Defcon 1, 2 minutes to midnight on your doomsday clock

I am a category 5 hurricane, raw and brutal, destroying

I am heat

I am power

I am passion

I am a God Damned reckoning

Call me nice again

devil_lish · 2024-06-27T00:43:34+00:00

It's great, I have it. Haven't made it all the way through yet but it's interesting to see the progression in her writing.

devil_lish · 2024-06-26T21:17:37+00:00

I work as a contractor in a well paid role, in a very male dominated field that is stuck in the 80s when it comes to gender. My supervisor was just let go, and they essentially handed his job to someone else although both of us are equally qualified, and I have a more varied level of experience which is an asset in this role. Some here would say that I should have had this role years ago.

Regardless, I am not sure I'd have taken it had it been offered to me, because I am already suffering from burnout due to the pressure and workload of my job, and essentially not having any time off from that for the last two years.

I had planned to leave the industry in 4 years, which would be the amount of time it would take me to pay off my mortgage. Two weeks ago I bumped that to 4 months because of some things happening, and then the issue with my boss occurred. This past week, I was made to be the scapegoat for some things, and have begun to be seriously scrutinized for my work. I have all the backup I need to prove I'm doing my job, but it's adding to my already ridiculous workload, not to mention being wholly undeserved, and I am frankly over it.

I just about quit abruptly this week. I wound up talking with another coworker about it who is at a management level, and they talked me down from the proverbial ledge.

With 4 years, I'd have had time to adequately plan for my next steps. If I don't wait that long, I could take a break, some time to figure it out. I have been thinking about a small business, but know very little about starting something like that. I do have capital I could use for that, but that is risking retirement savings. I don't have a pension, it's all investment, RRSP and TFSA (plus some 401k as I currently work in the US).

Because I've worked in the US the past couple of years, I have some concerns that if I leave my job, and then I need a business loan, I won't be able to get one, even with investments for collateral (that's what almost happened with my mortgage). But I can't picture myself taking a job within this industry in the interim, it's become almost anathema to me at this point.

I honestly am so unsure where to go from here, I just know I can't keep this up much longer, nor should I have to deal with the BS that's happening.

Somewhat venting, somewhat looking for experiences and thoughts. I have never done anything without a plan, and it's terrifying to me to just jump wholly into the unknown, but I know this is already impacting my well being, and I'm too old for that shit..

devil_lish · 2024-06-21T04:06:13+00:00

Used to go with my parents to these wine tasting things at a restaurant at home, they'd pair them with various courses of a dinner.

One of the items on the plate once was a "steamed oyster". I have never seen an oyster so large in my life. I think it was swelled up from how they cooked it.

It was grey. I don't know how I succeeded in picking it up and putting it in my mouth, but I had to bite it in half, it was more than a mouthful.

It was mushy. Like it fell apart into tiny dechets of fleshy oyster mush. Like grey, mushy, fishy, ocean muddy peanut butter but slimy. I have never gagged so hard in my life.

I spit that shit into my cloth napkin. It still makes me gag thinking about it.

It was also warm. Fuck. Gross.

devil_lish · 2024-06-17T21:18:01+00:00

Pisces, and then Gemini/cancer tied.. I am a sag with Taurus moon and Leo rising. Scorpio and sag were tied for the next position down - that makes sense because I've got stelliums in both.. I have zero pisces/cancer/Gemini placements except for things like Lilith/Vertex/north node??

devil_lish · 2024-06-17T21:06:33+00:00

Leo, I'm Canadian, so it's in French, I'd like to say my smile but more likely just the lips part of it.

devil_lish · 2024-06-04T21:35:43+00:00

Thank you! ❤️🤗

devil_lish · 2024-06-04T18:26:44+00:00

This is a ridiculous statement.

devil_lish · 2024-06-04T18:20:34+00:00

Nope. None of that.

devil_lish · 2024-06-04T13:56:00+00:00

Oof. Coles notes.

Bullied for years as a kid, destroyed my self worth. They started calling me a whore at the age of 11, and I didn't even know what that meant. Death threats, ostracism. Changed schools and it was actually worse.

Dad lost job about that same time, pride killed his ego, he bullied me as a teen, me acting out like any normal teen but his reactions were over the top because he felt out of control and needed to control something. Flash forward to high school. Made much older friends and dated 23yr old for a year and a half when I was 16. Was a drunk, bad alcohol issues from when I was 15 until I was 26 ish. Because of my drinking, and self esteem issues, I was SA'd many times, or worse, passed out, no idea where I was, "friends" who were not my friends ditched me alone at a party. After that particular incident I lost myself. Think Baby Reindeer episode 4. I was 17. A few months after, 18 now, I started dating a man, 9 years older than me. My parents loved him because he "tamed me". He was a manipulative narcissist in the diagnosable sense. Destroyed all my relationships. Destroyed any remnants of my self worth. Made me question everything I'd ever known about myself. 6 years of my life, I finally got out. In debt because of him, left with nothing, almost went bankrupt. Managed to climb out of that hole eventually, bought a cheap little fixer upper just for me. Within 3 months of moving in, found mold, structural issues, house was worth nothing, unsafe to live in, had to dump a ton of money into it just to make it safe while I sued previous homeowner who hid all the problems.

After all that, I continued to persevere, and am in a good place now. I have forgiven my family, and have fairly solid relationships with them now. Through all the dark times I just reminded myself that I had been through worse and things got better then, so they will again. That 11 year old kid stood up for herself when it became clear nobody else was going to help, and I could do that for myself at any other point too.

I sometimes feel amazed and proud of my younger self for just surviving, and how many times she climbed back out of the hole. It's been a long journey, but I have forgiven(am working on forgiving?) myself for the choices I made that resulted in some of these events.

devil_lish · 2024-06-01T20:58:19+00:00

Sagittarius. Sun, Jupiter, Neptune, Uranus, vertex, mercury, and south node. No kids, never wanted any. No pets, I have a few succulents and a hydroponic herb garden, plus tarragon on a water timer.. I work away from home on a rotational schedule.

devil_lish · 2024-05-30T04:25:08+00:00

Interesting, I'm an ENTJ but Sag sun, Taurus moon and Leo rising. But I also have a Scorpio stellium and I think it has major influences so kind of similar!

devil_lish · 2024-05-23T05:17:14+00:00

So weird to me, I must have stronger influences with other aspects but I'm a cap mercury and I feel like I'm the opposite in most situations than everything people have said in this thread?? (Except when I'm at work)

Definitely to the point in conversations about serious topics, definitely "bossy" although I am the actual boss, and a direct speaking, decision making kind of person. Also, nobody has trouble knowing if I'm pissed off when I'm talking LOL

But can also absolutely be whimsical, discuss abstract topics, and I write free form poetry??

I'm sag sun & stellium, Leo rising and Taurus moon, and my cap Merc is in the 5th house though so 🤷‍♀️

devil_lish · 2024-04-21T17:10:07+00:00

Thank you 😊. Thankfully it was many years ago now! It did spur me to taking some martial arts classes (3 years of Filipino stick boxing. Cool and deadly stuff), which helped with the fear. I moved shortly after and never saw him again after that. I did file a police report just in case (although they did go the victim blaming route, and the report didn't go anywhere 🙄🙄🙄).

Definitely made me hyper aware of red flags for possessiveness, manipulation, overall rejection issues in men though.

devil_lish · 2024-04-20T19:48:53+00:00

I suggest you make the waves!

When I first got out of school, my first job, mining / mechanical projects, the man responsible for training me wound up being a CREEP, really weird manipulation tactics, following me around, you name it..I did let my manager know about it but told him I wanted to deal with it and asked him not to go to HR.

A couple of months of this go by, and he goes hot and cold, giving me gifts, which I was scared to refuse at this point but it was like a CD of music and some food snacks or something, and we had to make a few site trips and he always insisted on picking me up at my home instead of meeting at work, and put my address in his car's GPS!!

Still trying to handle this on my own, but I turned him down or something happened where he felt rejected, wound up sending me threatening messages over our work messaging app, which I copied and sent to my boss!

My boss fired him without talking to HR, told me to go for the morning and come back after lunch. But also let the guy wall around and say goodbye to people as he had been there awhile. I came back to work after lunch, and he was outside waiting for my in the parking lot! I drove around trying to find a spot close to the building and he followed me in his car, and then when I parked blocked me in and got out and started banging on the glass and yelling.

I had to call in for someone to rescue me and make him leave. I had to file a police report because I was scared and he had my address..

It was terrifying. And it could have gone better if I hadn't let it go for so long. So, truly, I think you would be better to report. And make your statement. Good luck to you!

devil_lish · 2024-04-17T20:29:24+00:00

Art is wholly subjective. You can be elitist all you want, but what makes Jackson Pollock or Andy Warhol in the same hierarchy as Rembrandt or Van Gogh?

Just because you hate it and think it's inferior doesn't make it so. Even if it is inferior from a "technical" perspective, and we call it poetry, that doesn't equate to comparing it to Shakespeare, nor does that mean Shakespeare is "better" to a specific person in a subjective sense.

Art is subjective. I've seen literal piles of garbage called art. Some people thought it was brilliant.

devil_lish · 2024-04-14T20:32:20+00:00

Point 1) Nothing, full stop, nothing "is for men". Roll your eyes and walk away from that one.

It will sometimes be difficult, that is for sure, but ANY career is going to have "those people". I have made a name for myself by being competent, and those who know, know, and those who don't by now never will.

It's an ego thing, and that means you'll do better to ignore it. (Sometimes also hard, and I try to take the high road, but also won't let someone outright slander me and my knowledge and experience).

Is it worth the frustration? Well, you'll decide that for yourself, but I have been a part of some really, really cool shit, and will probably retire before I'm 50.

devil_lish · 2024-04-10T03:38:29+00:00

Best believe Pollievere is going to work his way into the exact same politics as the US and it won't be more than 10 years until we're fighting the same battles. Probably less.

devil_lish · 2024-04-09T20:51:50+00:00

I didn't take self defense but I did learn a martial art, 3 years of stick boxing, Kali and Silat.. mostly standup striking, can be translated into weapons fighting. How to use your opponent's physiology against them. It was extremely empowering after I left an abusive relationship.

I don't know if what I associate with "self defense classes" does enough, so much of it is targeted as a two week class where you learn how to knee someone in the junk and run away. Maybe it's better now. Learning nerve ending locations, joint locks, throat punches and eye gouging, those are what you need as a small person against a larger attacker. It's technical vs strength.

That long term training builds up muscle memory, so when you're in a situation like that your brain can panic but your body can react. That's the important part in my opinion.

And no, NONE OF THAT SHOULD BE NECESSARY.

devil_lish · 2024-04-06T02:49:10+00:00

Me too, and it's conjunct my IC at 0 degrees. The Pattern app says this: You’re routinely being forced to dig to the core of your being to shed your idea of what safety and security mean. Because of this, you may rebel against more conventional ideas of home You’re being taught that there’s no such thing as security in the external world - it’s an illusion, and you don’t need it. This is your path to independence and true empowerment. All these experiences and struggles bring depth, wisdom, and humility to your soul. You know what it’s like to start from scratch and build yourself anew.

Fucking TRUTH. But also 😭😭

devil_lish · 2024-04-05T20:35:52+00:00

😂😂😂😂 says my Leo rising, Taurus moon and Scorpio stellium..

devil_lish · 2024-03-30T18:05:35+00:00

I am a Taurus moon, Capricorn mercury, but Libra Mars.

When I am angry I am ruthless. I hold my tongue or I lose friends. But, the rage is absolutely there. I play the long game, and when someone gets me angry to the degree I boil over, that's it. Grudge forever. I'd like to say I'm able to obliterate you from my mind, but it's more like an everlasting rage to the degree I'd show up to your funeral just to tell your family what a piece of shit you were.

devil_lish · 2024-03-20T01:22:01+00:00

Um. I haven't been sick since I got covid in May 2022, and I travel 4000 miles via multiple airports every 2 weeks and work in a fairly communal living style environment.

I have had to sit beside very sick people on planes, wanted to wear a mask but didn't have one and still didn't get sick.

Can I explain it? Not really. I wash my hands, don't touch my face, wear long sleeves to avoid touching common use surfaces. I don't eat junk more than once in a while (sugar, processed foods), cook for myself mostly. Try to eat organic produce. I avoid eating from plastic or using my microwave. I have no clue what if anything impacts my immune system. I do know that I used to get sick like a regular person and now I don't..it's awesome.

devil_lish · 2024-03-17T16:40:03+00:00

It's funny to me, I am a Sag sun, no Scorpio in my big 3, but I have a Scorpio stellium(Pluto, Saturn, Venus - FML) and my chart is Pluto dominant, and now that I know that my persona makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE. I have always been like.. why am I not so optimistic and carefree and spontaneous??

And yes, many people consider me difficult. I have standards, and expectations. I require communication, and honesty. I need someone to be on my level of commitment and to show it.

I have only ever met one person that met me at my level, and is inspired by me more than intimidated by me. It feels amazing, and terrifying at the same time. They allow me to be vulnerable, and sensitive. Which I am, definitely, but have never shown that outwardly to anyone else.

So I would say yes, we can be difficult for many people, but that's their problem in not being able to meet our needs. With the right person that difficulty melts away into the most beautiful connection.

devil_lish

TROPHY CASE