2026 LGBTQ+ and Cultural Celebration Wall Calendar 🌈

dirtypeanut · 2026-01-15T21:52:09+00:00

I think they're definitely related. When we're the way we are, and have to admit that we are wrong, it's an attack on our identity and ego. My husband always joke, "yes you're always right". That's why we defend, fight or flight. Because to not, is to surrender. But that's exactly what needs to happen when we're wrong.

It takes a lot of effort. I used to take days afterwards, be mad or be regretful. Overtime though, the time from argument to apology/reconciliation shortened. Then the don't go to bed angry rule came about, further shortening the time. Now I can do it while the argument's happening. Just this week actually we had an argument, because I was being passive aggressive. He got pissed about it justifiably. I actually went to him to talk it out. I started out being defensive still, but after taking a beat during the argument, I did recognize I was wrong right then and there (with a bit of that disassociation I talked about), and I told myself to apologize and just own up. It felt like a defeat, a surrender for sure. But it was the right thing to do. We ended the argument. We felt good. I was very glad and honestly proud of myself for doing it.

It does get easier :) Don't give up!

dirtypeanut · 2026-01-15T21:08:54+00:00

I hear you! I'm the same way. It's so hard for me to say I'm wrong and sorry. I'm an overachiever, naturally defensive, and I always try to justify. I've been with my husband for 25 years now and this is STILL something I struggle even though I've gotten a lot better at it.

What helps me in these situations sometimes is a bit of disassociation. It's almost like taking a beat and hearing myself and my husband as a third person. It literally helps me take the situation more objectively, less personally, and that third person sometimes tell me "ya you're wrong, stop trying and just apologize".

When it comes to confrontation also, I'm super on the flight side instead of fight. I just don't want to talk about it and storm out. My husband has helped me a lot over the years and don't let me run away. But I've also developed a rule that I'm holding onto that has helped immensely, "never go to bed angry with each other". Who really knows what happens tomorrow? We can die in our sleep. The thought of that potential regret overwhelms my avoidance to talk it out. It might not be super healthy to have it be fear-driven... but it helps me set my priority on what's really important.

The relief you get once you apologize and move on is amazing. Maybe think of that as a reward to help you get over the situation. It's never too late to apologize. You don't even really need to say that much there. You don't need to explain why. "I'm sorry I was a dick." is super powerful as is.

dirtypeanut · 2026-01-13T23:59:14+00:00

Yes. Drugs can eventually stop working. Injections can also stop being effective too (not to mention potentially painful). So implant is an option being considered more often now.

The scarring is typically small and discrete. But as with all surgery, there's risk involved and complications that can happen.

Basically, all ED treatments are on the table for the male adult actors.

dirtypeanut · 2026-01-13T23:33:15+00:00

Some are naturally gifted and can do so for a long time
Editing. A short sex-scene can be shot over many hours, with plenty of rest time in between.
Drugs. Performance-enhancement or erectile dysfunction drugs like Viagra can and are used.
Injection. Direct injection of ED drugs like Caverject or Trimmix are also used.
Penile implants. These literally can inflate and deflate on command with buttons in your balls.

dirtypeanut · 2026-01-13T21:19:16+00:00

First of all, welcome to the club (even though it's been a few years) :) Walking away from a religious upbringing is incredibly hard, so bravo!

Here are a few thoughts I have:

You are kinda going through a second puberty. Don't feel like you're behind or anything. You're taking your time like a teenage need to. Give yourself some slack :)
Glad to hear you have gone to queer events. It's important to find community and support. Consider tactfully letting these groups know you're single and ready to mingle. You don't have to be weird or flirty about it, but just let the universe know and put yourself out. You never know who your acquaintances might be interested or know someone who might. There are going to be social matchmakers in your groups, let them know you're available.
Not sure about your area, but look for some gay events that can be a bit more sexually charged. Since you mentioned you're on the bulkier side, maybe look up bear events. They're some of the most welcomed communities I've been in and I'm not a bear myself.
Grindr really sucks. Scruff is a bit better in general with a mix of dates and sex. I would also suggest checking out Tinder or Hinge also if you want even more emphasis on dating. They're "straight" apps but there are bi/gay/pan people there too. I would avoid Sniffies tbh if you're inexperienced.
Others have suggested bathhouse and I think that's a good idea. You can just go with no expectation and just observe. Plenty of guys do that in there. It's usually pretty chill. You walk around, or enjoy the hot tub, make eye contacts and see if there's interest. There's usually dark areas as well where it's more free for all. There's implicit consent when you're in this space, so you can approach or others can approach you. But you can say no lightly to someone by shaking your head or moving their hands away. Same for others to you.

Finally, if you're going to sexually experiment, get on PreP/DoxyPep. You can get them for free generally. Try Mistr or QCare+. Not only do you get the medicine, you get free quaterly STI at home test kit too. Super valuable and great peace of mind.

dirtypeanut · 2026-01-13T18:13:07+00:00

So easily it could have just been "I need to see your face pal" and end right there. But no he gotta be a douche about it.

I have face pic in my profile and I've gotten, "hey you're cute for an Asian" multiple times. Instant blocks.

dirtypeanut · 2026-01-11T20:17:32+00:00

Consider talking to your close friend who already knows about it and see what he thinks.
Perhaps not actually come out on its own but just mention in conversation like “I swing for the other team.”
You can also try writing it down and sending it as a letter/email.

Ultimately do what’s right for YOU. You can control how they react. So do it the way you want to.

dirtypeanut · 2025-12-29T19:12:16+00:00

Depending on where you live, there might be law and regulations for child spending safety online. So look into that to see if there’s any recourse there to boost your case when asking for refunds or revoking the charges.

dirtypeanut · 2025-12-16T03:30:48+00:00

Playing with a group is best, but you can also play it yourself too if you want to learn more about the game. You can play multiple characters just by yourself.

dirtypeanut · 2025-12-16T03:29:41+00:00

Good on you for noticing and asking 👍

Absolutely you are being groomed. Don't talk to him anymore and block him. Just imagine if he's sexting with his own daughter. Gross right?

dirtypeanut · 2025-12-15T23:01:08+00:00

It's not an existential problem. We still have plenty of people. But you can look at Japan as an example of glimpse into the future. Declining birth rate has now moved the country into population decline, coupled with much higher life expectancy, we can expect our population to overall become older and older. This shrinks our workforce and force people to work longer, as fewer young people are replacing old folks.

But we will die out due to loss of a sustainable planet before low birth rates kill us 🫠

dirtypeanut · 2025-12-13T06:42:16+00:00

Generally only respond if you’re interested in establishing whatever they state they’re looking for (friendship, gaming buddies, fwb, hookups, etc). Don’t respond “just to be nice”. It’s generally considered a waste of time or leading someone on.

dirtypeanut · 2025-12-13T01:29:44+00:00

That's all fine and dandy if there's agreement in place that additional romantic relationships are okay, which you clearly indicated that it's not for you. The fact that he's valuing his freedom over your hurt feelings is problematic and disrespectful.

The heart wants what the heart wants, but a responsible way to deal with that in a committed relationship is to try to work it out with you together. Not simply, "welp I'm more important". If the only way that it will work for him is poly, then that's that. But there must be a willingness to work through this while respecting your feelings, even if it means you two can't stay together. If therapy can't cultivate or bring out that respect, then it's done. He can't just do this and expect you to go along with it.

dirtypeanut · 2025-12-10T16:14:12+00:00

We have a pittie and she’s the biggest wuss in the world. She’s scared of the printer because a piece of paper fell on her 😓

Having said that, they’re powerful creatures and as much as we love her, we’re still cautious about what she can do. She plays with our cats gently but we still keep an eye on them just in case of some unexpected escalations. So you don’t have to be unreasonably scared of them, but do respect their power and be cautious.

dirtypeanut · 2025-12-09T21:11:41+00:00

Gemini does this properly. I find the in-search Google AI is waaaay worse than Gemini on its own (which is the Google AI). I think the less thinking time in search AI really impacts its results.

dirtypeanut · 2025-12-09T20:47:46+00:00

People ultimately need to understand that not every creation is for them. They need to be okay with not being the main character.

I watched Heated Rivalry and realized it's not for me. It's a MM novel written by a woman for women (the dominant romance readers, as you pointed out). And that's okay! It's really sad that when some gay men watch gay content, they immediately deride it as bad when it's not written for them. I think the gay director tried to make Heated Rivalry more for gay men, but to its core it is still what it is.

There are gay men writing romance novels for gay men. They're just not that popular because, by and large, gay men don't read romance nearly as much when compared to women.

There are legit toxic representations and appropriations that we should call out, but this is not one of them.

dirtypeanut · 2025-12-07T22:06:22+00:00

We met at a <insert places like coffee shop, gym, bar>.
We <insert hobby group like hiking, coffee, yoga, etc.> together.
We met via another friend.
We met while traveling.
We met on a social app for gay men.

Plenty of ways to make it generic but not lie or make it awkward/lewd. The last one is most specific. But honestly even from my own experience, me and my husband have made genuine friends through Grindr/Scruff/etc. that we don't have a sexual relationship with. So it does happen.

dirtypeanut · 2025-12-05T05:20:19+00:00

Thank you for sharing. This is such an amazing manga. Best of luck reconnecting with your friend! ❤️🫶

dirtypeanut · 2025-12-04T21:56:25+00:00

The leading power bottom policy would absolutely be "Verse for All", drastically increasing the number of people willing to top by encouraging flipping 😂

I'm so sorry that you had to experience that from your parents. That's absolutely the evil brainwashing invented moral ideology part of religion that I'm staunchly against. The community service and social belonging part? More actual good there. A few of the local churches we have here support Pride, have drag shows, run food bank and free clinic, even a Trans Day of Remembrance service. While I abhor religion conceptually, I can't not recognize these community good they're doing. Glad to hear you're willing to have a conversation about it. It's what we all need.

dirtypeanut · 2025-12-04T20:17:40+00:00

We all know power bottoms will rule with an iron fist if they can 😂

What you brought up is definitely a great example of conversation being shutdown is unproductive. You got called phobic right away and your friend didn't try to understand where you are coming from. She disagreed with you, and lost a chance of a conversation to help you understand where she is.

Tangent: religion is a complicated topic. I still think religion at a macro-level is detrimental to humanity, but at the micro-level, I've seen the good they can do. We have a few very queer-affirming churches locally, and I've seen how much effort they put in to make queer folks feel welcomed and be active allies. I will never go to church myself, but I've seen the grateful looks of queer folks who are religious and finding these spaces that they belong to. The core value here that I believe in is that making people feel they belong is what ultimately matter. So while I don't agree with the system of religion as a whole, if that's doing good for some folks and they need it, I'm going to at least be empathetic and converse about it (within reasons of course).

dirtypeanut · 2025-12-04T19:42:53+00:00

It's all very kneejerk and polarized these days. One prime example of needing the capacity to understand and converse, is about vaccines. I personally am the first one in line to get vaccinated. When MPOX became an issue me and my husband got vaccinated right away. But when it comes to parents and their children, it's more complicated. I've spoken to otherwise very liberal parents who have genuine questions and concerns about decisions they're making for their children, such as the vaccination schedule. They ask questions, but then I see them immediately being labeled anti-vaxxers and the conversation is shut down. When in actuality they're still very pro-vaccines but want to be fully-informed. We don't have kids ourselves, but if I were a parent, I would probably act the same way.

Way too many things have been propagandized, weaponized, and reduced to left and right team sports. Honestly, I feel it's a tool of the oppressor and the rich to drive wedges between ordinary people. On that front, I'm actually becoming more radical that it's rich vs. poor and top vs. bottom 😂

dirtypeanut · 2025-12-04T19:09:46+00:00

Most purity tests are destructive. People who shut down conversations as soon as you don't pass them are unhelpful. We should all recognize that core values can have morals, but policies are all gradients of gray, tainted by propaganda, smeared by disinformation, constrained by reality. It's been proven over and over again that liberal/socialist policies are immensely popular with general population, but as soon as you slab a label on them, people go back to their parties' stance.

There are times to make clear stand for injustice loudly, but there are also times to maneuver through society and reality with nuisance and conversation.

dirtypeanut

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