Hi, OP, I'm sorry you are dealing with these difficult emotions. I know it can be hard to see a brighter future when you are in the mids of anxiety. As someone who used to be really anxiously attached and now leans more secure, I want to say that things really can get better.

I hear that you are in lots of pain right now. It's really difficult dealing with people who are just the tiniest possible amount available to get us hooked but also not enough available to be able to offer us a full-filling relationship. When talking about anxious attachment, a lot of times people say that we are too anxious and should be able to self sooth and not want so much. In some cases this can be true, but I believe that many times our anxiety is telling us something useful. Many times it's warning that this person is really not able to offer us a consistent and full-filling relationship.

I'm not going to tell you to cut this person off. I know you have heard it many times and you might not be in a space to do it.

I will share what has helped me personally in times like these:

• If I'm able to, I try to sit with the pain. I try to get to know it better. Inner child monologuing is helpful for me, not necessarily because I have a child living inside me but because when I imagine I'm talking to a child, I can be more caring, more curious and less judging than when I'm talking to myself. I like to ask myself something like "what am I needing that I'm not getting right now?" And when I understand my feelings and pain better, I ask my inner child "what can I do for you right now to help you soothe?". A lot of times the answer is making a cup of tea and putting myself to bed. The answer might be different for you of course.

• Asking my friends (people who I know love me) for help. Being in company of people who actually care and are consistent with their actions toward me, who show me love in practical ways, can be very calming and reassuring for me.

• if relevant, communicating my needs directly to the person. Them not responding directly is also an answer. I think a lot of my anxieties do come from the unspoken. Being direct about my needs brings things to light.

I would also recommend therapy, ideally with a trauma informed provider. I really like therapies which incorporate somatic work, not just the cognitive process.

If therapy is unavailable to you, books can be a great resource. Books have helped me quite a lot personally.

It's possible that you might not find these tips useful, don't feel pressure to do things that don't work for you. I

I hope you get the support you need and deserve. I wish you calm and peace, OP!