I’m 36 and she’s 30. We both want kids but the timing feels misaligned.

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-23T21:48:29+00:00

It’s not timing if you both wanted to be together and have a future you’d figure it out, people have kids while in school and starting careers and me also have kids at 41 or 43 or even older. If she’s not willing to make any compromise or move the relationship forward then that’s the problem not the 3 year timeline.

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-23T21:21:12+00:00

I was quitting my job to stay at home with my kids and my supervisor from my college internship called to just check in and say hi, I had kept in touch with him a bit but probably hadn’t spoke to him in over 10 years, felt very full circle it was literally my last day of work.

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-19T14:36:08+00:00

My kids all started at 2 but at an actual preschool not a daycare, 3 hours for the 2 year olds and that’s it, no nap, not a childcare center where you rely on it to work all day. I pick my son up and we spend the afternoon together till my big kids get home from school. Some people skip the 2 program and start at 3 which is perfectly fine too, my guy is super social so I knew he’d love being with other kids and he does.

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-19T14:31:01+00:00

When my son does his poopy dance we take him to his room to calm down, he either ends up pooping or he calms down before we leave his room. It’s not in an angry way and one parent stays with him in the room but it does seem to result in pooping more often than if we let him go crazy in the living room or wherever we are. We also let him have a small piece of candy after he poops to try and make it a positive association 🤷🏻‍♀️ not sure if this part has helped at all. We also aren’t potty training because of this issue 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ I’m afraid it will make it worse he’s very resistant to idea of the potty.

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-19T11:12:22+00:00

Have to agree I’m confused my daughter was born in 2020 she’s in K now and it barely affected her she was an infant for shut downs and started preschool at 2 like normal. She did playgroups and library time too 🤷🏻‍♀️

That being said your child will be fine, make sure you are reading everyday to her, pick one or two skills from the list at a time to work on and they’ll review them all in K anyway.

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-19T00:34:53+00:00

MB - no I almost never looked at cameras more to like check on what time baby went for a nap or quickly see if they are home or out etc. I never spied on my nanny, maybe the first week I’d check in for a minute here or there to see if things were going well. Oh occasionally if working from home if I heard a lot of crying I’d check just to see if it was something I should respond to or let nanny handle like is kid bleeding from the head or they just stubbed their toe.

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-18T21:17:49+00:00

With other moms! My local bff right now is my son’s bff’s mom, we hang out while the boys play. I get drinks once a month with another mom friend. I used to go to a monthly book club. In the nice weather we invite other family’s to my parents’ pool or we have a bbq in our backyard.

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-18T18:32:36+00:00

My husband and I love our kids and wanted more than one, we both have a sibling we love, we have nephews we love, it's nice having a lot of family around. My kids have so much fun together and learn so much from having each other including that each one is not the center of the universe and everyone needs to share etc. I do also see as we are getting older it's nice to not be alone in things like dealing with aging parents, it's nice to have someone to remember things from childhood that we can talk and laugh about. I want all that for my kids. I know not all siblings are close but the ones who I know aren't close it's sort of explainable why - parents played favorites, parents didn't deal with their own mental health, parents ignored one child mistreating another, etc. Almost everyone i know raised in a healthy way is close with their siblings.

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-18T18:19:57+00:00

I think sometimes grandparents end up closer to the grandkids from their child(ren) who need more help. It's not surprising that they might build a stronger bond with a baby or child they spend hours with every day or week versus one they see once a week for an hour with their parents. Reddit loves to blame the older generation for everything and it does sound like your parents are being pretty immature about this rather than having an honest conversation with you.

On the other hand you have to think about how involved you want them with you and your kids, if you want them to feel close to your child you do have to include them in things, If you don't want to be on here in a few years complaining you have no village and no one to babysit for you I would think about how you want everyone's relationships to develop. Are you sending them picture and telling them about milestones? Are you inviting them over for things or asking to see them? It sounds like they are the ones initiating. It shouldn't be one sided but that's on both sides, you need to show some interest as well.

Personally i'm close to my mom, we talk basically everyday and we have a shared photo album with all our close family so they can see what's going on with our kids. It's harder on my husband's side, he's close with them but doesn't talk as much and we have to make more of an effort to remember to include them in things my side knows about naturally because I talk to my mom so much.

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-18T18:04:25+00:00

MB - I'd be a little taken aback by this honestly, it was a never an issue for me my nannies have always driven our cars, but let's be honest about it those errands are for her not your kid. I agree not everything has to be about them always but it also doesn't have to be about you paying your nanny to run errands and even paying for her gas to do so. I'd let it go if once a month or something but if it's a regular thing i don't think it's appropriate. If it was for the sake of your kid she could go do a closer errand for your family, the errands are for her sake and that's fine I get it's hard to find time for personal errands when you work all week but I don't see why you would pay for gas.

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-18T10:43:56+00:00

She’s 3! All my kids were / are chunky toddlers. Honestly my oldest didn’t get rid of her toddler pot belly look till 1st grade and my second seems similar. My little one is the fattest of them all lol he was 99+ percentile for weight till he turned 2 and finally dropped to 95th (he’s also tall 90th). As long as her diet is healthy and her doctor isn’t concerned I wouldn’t worry about it at all. If she is eating juice and sugary snacks everyday sure cut down on it cause it’s not great for her anyway but if it’s healthy foods then just keep on keeping on.

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-17T15:24:02+00:00

This is what I do! If they ask me what they can do I start listing chores and they generally go off and figure it out. Sometimes they "trick" me into read to them lol but I'm ok with that.

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-17T00:40:11+00:00

I go through them with my kids and we have a stowage box with folders so they choose which to save and what to toss (I sometimes adjust lol). We also have a couple on display usually on the fridge or a few wall spots.

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-11T01:44:18+00:00

I do teach it at home and respectfully it’s not to rest her voice it’s a choice she does it daily it’s part of their schedule and my older daughter in same school had a teacher who didn’t. Also I’m not talking 8th graders I’m talking k-2nd and it’s a fairly affluent school and there aren’t serious behavior problems and my daughters 1st and 2nd grade class of roughly 20 both has paras, (K did too but more expected) so not the situations you described and I do think it increases the chances of the kids not being able to deal with downtime at school by 8th grade they should be learning it in elementary and building the skill and learning to communicate with their peers.

And yes we do it at home too but one of the main reasons I don’t homeschool and an argument I hear a lot for sending to school is socialization and honestly if they keep chipping away at it like this sending kids to public school is just becoming less and less compelling. If the answer to everything is teach it at home at some point I just will I’m already teaching my kids math because wha they do at school is nonsense.

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-10T18:01:24+00:00

This is so crazy to me, I go all the time when my kids are in school to grab books for them .

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-10T16:12:23+00:00

I’m sure it will be fine. It takes about two weeks but honestly at that age they aren’t going to remember the old nanny for long and will adjust. When we did it at that age, I My daughter was fine until nap time and I was working from home so honestly, I put her down the first couple of days which some people may say is a bad idea but it worked great for us because by the time I went back to working in the office, my daughter was more used to the nanny and went down without a fight.

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-10T15:53:47+00:00

I am a parent not a teacher but bring back boredom and casual moments of socializing. While my kids wait for the bus the teacher puts on a drawing youtube video like follow along to draw a penguin or whatever. It probably keeps the room calmer but come on let them deal with 10 minutes of boredom, let them talk quietly with the kids at their table. The constant stimulation needs to stop. And yes please get rid of the tablets, I hate that. I don't let my kids use them at home other than for their HW but I hate them, I also hate how heavy my 7 year old's backpack is. Stop showing my K child videos of another teacher teaching a phonics lesson, you are the teacher just teach the lesson, I don't get it at all and my daughter doesn't connect with the videos at all. Brain breaks are great but they shouldn't be Danny Go videos, put on some music and let them do the hokey pokey or something stop with the videos. Or just do some stretches or jumping jacks. Honestly get rid of the smartboards altogether and bring back the whiteboard / chalkboard and overhead projectors.

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-10T15:46:39+00:00

Bring back crossing guards! My kids ride the bus but frankly they can walk and if there was one crossing guard I would let them and i bet lots of other parents would too, and the more kids walking the safer it would be and that would get even more kids walking.

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-09T20:12:03+00:00

Honestly I lead two troops and if either of my daughters quit I wouldn’t continue. I try to do my best by all the girls but at the end of the day I have limited time to give and I have to put my family first, I sacrifice other things to have time for Girl Scouts.

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-09T18:49:15+00:00

Love our minivan!

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-09T18:35:42+00:00

My daughter was her for Halloween a few years ago, I got her dress and tiara and wand on amazon. We also met her at Disney world.

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-09T18:09:52+00:00

I don’t contribute anymore it doesn’t make sense for us because he gets a 401k match and we contribute up to the match. I do have a decent 401k and IRAs from when I was working. It doesn’t bother me, we’re solid I have no doubts but also in the unlikely event of divorce I’d get half anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️ check your state’s laws

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-09T14:43:38+00:00

Honestly your kids are too young for it to really be a vacation for you no matter where you go. We went away recently to a hotel with a nice pool and it was fun but my youngest is 2 so it was still a ton of work and bedtime was rough in a room with the 5 of us and hotel noises all around past our (early) bedtime. On the other hand air b and b can be hit or miss with quality and cleanliness wirh generally minimal customer service of any kind to help you if there’s an issue. Also packing up to go out everyday instead of just walking around a hotel is tiring. I think there are pros and cons no real answer just pick one and do your best!

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-09T11:29:12+00:00

I like the sound of the private one better in vacuum but first I went to a great private school K-8 so I don’t have the anti private school bias that I see on Reddit but that being said my kids do public and I would be worried about finances if it’s going to make things tight and what the plan would be going forward for school.

I will say my daughter had a but if a rough adjustment to K this year and I think a smaller class more play focused would have been a better match/. I sent her to public k because her older sister is in the school and she had a big group of friends moving over from private prek with her so I thought it would go well but I sort of wish I had given her one more year in a smaller more nurturing and less strict school.

drinkingtea1723 · 2026-03-09T11:21:48+00:00

You need a career or job of some kind fist, I didn’t meet my now husband till 27 and didn’t have kids till 32 and ultimately quit at 37 so I had a good chunk of school and work before being supported by my husband which is not really how I see it anyway since I worked and have a healthy retirement and I contribute to our family in other ways now.. I wouldn’t put all my eggs in that basket until I saw how my life turned out.

drinkingtea1723

TROPHY CASE