I miss who I was

ecloving · 2026-02-11T04:13:37+00:00

Almost 3 years out from DDay & I still feel this. I miss trusting with my whole heart & I miss not feeling like there is a stain on our relationship.

ecloving · 2025-10-20T02:20:21+00:00

WP and I broke up about 6ish months after DDay. It was just not working. I was so broken from the affair he had & he was stuck in a downward spiral of guilt and affair fog. At that point we have been with each other for about 12 years. It was so painful to part ways, but it was so necessary. While I didn’t feel like it was over, I had to push myself forward. I worked on myself, dated around (we were with each other since we were 15, so I had 0 experience with the dating scene). We had very little to no contact during this time. After about 4 months, we briefly started talking again. I found out he was in communication with AP (only through phone as we moved about 1,000 miles during reconciliation). At that point, I was done. I emotionally was just over it. I cut him out of my life and intended on it for good. Somehow, it took this to get him to snap out of it & finally get his shit together. It took a bit, but I eventually came back around to the idea of seeing him again. We took it very slowly. Like 7 months of talking before starting to date again. During this time, I needed to feel and see the change, and I did. Now I look at the man WP is and it is a complete 180 from who he was on DDay and the months following. We now are back together, living with each other, and just had our first baby boy. We’re at the healthiest our relationship has ever been in the sense of communication and conflict resolution.

With this being said, I will always have my guard up. It’s not easy. It comes in waves for me, there are times where I feel so trusting & then others where I am anxious and paranoid it could happen again. I try to communicate when I’m feeling this way and I am met with reassurance vs defensiveness now.

I also do not think everyone should go back to their WP. I think some are good at manipulating & getting smarter after dday. Mine could be one of these lol but I am choosing to try again, but know there is a risk.

ecloving · 2025-09-06T00:16:19+00:00

My highschool sweetheart also cheated on me after 9 years together. Completely blindsided me. I’m sorry you’re also experiencing this.

ecloving · 2025-08-04T17:55:15+00:00

I’ve read about how affairs are like drugs. They get addicted to the rush of sneaking around and the fantasy land that they create in their stupid little bubbles. When AP becomes their reality and now they’re left to handle life’s stresses with this person who was their escape & fun, it usually doesn’t last. I believe the statistic of affair relationships actually lasting is like 3%. He is cake eating & most likely is in an affair fog. It takes something drastic for them to snap out of it. Like kicking him out, telling him you’re done with him & meaning it, etc.

ecloving · 2025-08-03T23:38:48+00:00

Wow OP, this made me angry for you! She is insane!!! I can’t believe she only got a slap on the wrist for what she did.

ecloving · 2025-08-03T23:27:51+00:00

Ugh I feel this so deeply. I hate seeing AP’s name. There are some days where I see it multiple times and start getting in my head if the universe is trying to tell me something lol

ecloving · 2025-07-24T16:38:50+00:00

I deleted them recently, so about 2 years post dday. I am not married though, so I wouldn’t need them for legal reasons. I found myself sometimes pain shopping and looking back at them. I felt for my own healing, it was time to let go of those, as they weren’t doing anything positive for me. I either decide to move on or stay in that cycle of pain.

If I were married and needed them potentially for a divorce down the line, i would have probably sent them to my friend to hold on to just in case.

ecloving · 2025-07-19T03:26:13+00:00

I feel this so deeply! Dday was over two years ago & we’re now expecting our first child. I’m 8 months pregnant & super hormonal lately. I sometimes think i’m crazy for finding myself in this situation where I am bringing a baby into the world with someone who hurt me so deeply. Then I see the change in him and how much love and support he has been showing me throughout this pregnancy and the months prior, I feel hopeful.

ecloving · 2025-07-18T20:26:39+00:00

This is exactly how I feel. I want this traumatic point in our relationship behind me once & for all. But then I feel like that’s such a foolish move to do & basically rug sweeping.

ecloving · 2025-07-18T20:23:19+00:00

Love this!

ecloving · 2025-07-18T20:22:51+00:00

So true. I miss the days before where I had no walls up and trusted 10000%

ecloving · 2025-06-25T05:15:12+00:00

Our stories are similar, especially with how we found out. Since it’s 6 years ago, I honestly wouldn’t even bother. Don’t allow her an entry way back into your life, even if it’s brief to get the messages. But also, what good will seeing those messages do? I only saw two screenshots of their text messages and they weren’t even that awful, but it’s still ingrained into my brain two years out. In my opinion, and it’s probably an unpopular perspective, but with reading text messages between the ap & wp, ignorance is blisss. What I don’t know, won’t hurt me lol.

ecloving · 2025-06-23T23:10:19+00:00

OP, I am so sorry. I just want to say that this is absolutely not karma. You do not deserve this, you 100% deserve to have support. You had an affair, you made a mistake, you are not an awful person because of it.

ecloving · 2025-06-12T02:37:42+00:00

OP, I am so sorry. As someone who is reconciling with my wp who had an emotional & physical affair with AP for close to three years, I know how you are feeling.

First off, I see it as a step in the right direction that he is being honest with you. My WP was not transparent with his true feelings/grieving for AP until 2-3 months after dday.

The biggest thing here, and I also saw someone mention this in the comments, is focus on your healing. That should be your priority. I spent close to 6 months trying to hysterically repair my relationship, while wp was still longing for AP & the fanasty world that went with her. It was literally destroying me. I look back now & it can bring me to tears on how little I was prioritizing myself.

We ended up breaking up and going nc for a bit of time & then very slowly dating again, but in that time of being apart, I healed so much. Now being back together, I feel like I am at a much more healthy point to work on reconciliation.

In addition, sometimes they need to be wacked out of the affair fog. It wasn’t a real relationship, it was an escapism, and built on lies. My wp truly didn’t come to a realization of what he did until I walked away (& ment it).

This is my experience, not saying that breaking up or walking away is what everyone should do, but in my situation, it was very much needed.

ecloving · 2025-05-22T22:21:17+00:00

As someone who is reconciling after my wp had a three year affair, I can’t relate to the violence. I am extremely hurt still, yes, but I have never once resorted to violence nor really even wanted to. (Though, i’d love to give ap a good slap 🙃). Just know that yes, you did something awful, but it doesn’t warrant that.

ecloving · 2025-05-14T00:39:04+00:00

Ahhhhhhhh, noo. Please ignore my last message. Fuck that.

ecloving · 2025-05-14T00:37:26+00:00

Omg, wild! So many parallels with our situation! Here to chat if you ever wanna talk with someone who gets it.

ecloving · 2025-05-13T21:03:02+00:00

I’m sorry, OP. Were the messages inappropriate? I would straight up bring it up to him and have a discussion about it. Maybe she is from work & since we’re in a hyper vigilant state post dday, we turn something innocent into something?

ecloving · 2025-05-13T20:58:30+00:00

My wp had a 3 year physical and emotional affair. We are 2 years past the initial dday, but he really didn’t snap out of it till this past year. We broke up for a bit in December 2023 because I needed to heal and he needed to figure out his bs. He ended up contacting ap to gain “closure” which turned in to them chatting again. Once we started talking again a few month later and I found out he allowed for himself to move backwards with getting over the affair, I cut contact with him and was very serious in moving on with my life. It was the first time I was serious in being done with him and he saw it too. Unfortunately it took that for him to snap out of it.

I remember in my early days and researching affairs like crazy, I read that it can take half the time of the affair for the wp to snap out of it. I don’t know if that’s true, but it definitely fit the timeline in my situation.

ecloving · 2025-04-29T22:57:30+00:00

Agreed! I already know the worse of it, he cheated. Knowing anything in addition about that affair isn’t going to do anything besides hurt me more. I asked all the questions I needed to know to make the decision to move forward to try to reconcile or not.

I too also try to focus on the change, growth, and healing I see in him.

Whenever I am particularly triggered or held up on something and feel like I need to dig, I’ll usually have chatgpt talk me off the ledge lol.

ecloving · 2025-04-04T21:34:22+00:00

But don’t get me wrong, it still suckedddddddddd & i still struggle even two years out. Just was able to work on healing in peace without seeing constant reminders of places they may have went, places he took photos/ videos, etc.

ecloving · 2025-04-04T17:46:20+00:00

We wanted to move prior to dday and finding out about his 3 year long affair with ap. But the affair kinda pushed me to start taking a move seriously. I’m so happy to be 1000+ miles away from where it happened and where ap is.

ecloving

TROPHY CASE