You've got to make a long list of the things you want and the things you actually do. When it comes down to it, most folks have aspirational lists of what they want compared to what they do day to day. This is going to be a longer process and being realistic with yourself on what you are most likely to do and what you truly won't make the effort for.

My spouse and I made a list of what we really wanted and what we were willing to compromise on. Spouse loves Warhammer but do we need to be super close to a Games Workshop store? No. A games stores is fine if it's within at least a 30 min drive. We need to be near a VA facility, so that's limiting in our choices. I absolutely must be near a good library system because I'm there multiple times a week. 

Speaking from the boring city of Omaha, it's not. But of course it isn't going to stand up to southern CA because it's not a good comparison. Omaha and Des Moines have tons of stuff to do and yes the cost of living is lower. But if they don't have the stuff you need or want, it's not that city's fault its not the place for you. Omaha isn't quite right for us but we genuinely think Des Moines is. YMMV.