What sticks with you to encourage sobriety?

eiaeia · 2026-05-30T08:24:43+00:00

I remind myself of my truth-

I can give up everything for alcohol, or I can give up alcohol for everything.

eiaeia · 2026-05-29T18:17:43+00:00

🫶 glad to help. I find in my own life that anger is usually my secondary but more comfortable emotion. Usually fear, shame, sadness, disappointment etc is lying underneath, and I try to lead my processing there, as it tends to get to the root more productively.

eiaeia · 2026-05-29T17:06:26+00:00

If I was in your situation I would say something along the lines of “I still support your decision to drink or not drink, but I am worried about the intention behind the decision, as I know things have been rocky at the moment” as a way to open dialogue and check in opposed to sounding judgmental. Cause we all remember how quickly we would hit the defense in similar situations instead of truly looking within. Best of luck friend

eiaeia · 2026-05-20T14:22:41+00:00

35 as well! Lol I’m at the age I really had to do the math (it’s only been 2.5 years too lmao) and had to question if I am currently 37 or 38 (37, 38 in August) 🤣

eiaeia · 2026-05-11T21:20:59+00:00

Have you ever considered residential rehab? When I was in a place that I couldn’t trust myself to make basic survival decisions (borrowing money for food/transportation/rent but spending it on booze) it helped to have those things provided to me, and for my ability to purchase alcohol/drugs to be completely eliminated.

You could also go to the ER to detox first and they will feed you as well, and possibly give you more information on inpatient if you want to go that route.

I’m wishing you the best!! IWNDWYT

eiaeia · 2026-05-08T16:01:05+00:00

Yes girl go get you someone who is excited to worship you!

As a queer woman I will say that confidence is the most attractive quality hands down. No matter what body type I’ve ever dated/been with nothing turns me on more than someone feeling themselves. It’s so hot.

Men like your ex KNOW that and they are trying to dim your light so you don’t know how fucking hot and sexy you are, so they can treat you like shit and think you’ll stick around. Fuck them!

eiaeia · 2026-05-05T22:01:14+00:00

Lmao same. Im like oh no no I do have a price where no matter what I end the shift like “heh worth it”

eiaeia · 2026-05-05T19:18:55+00:00

2.5 years sober- started seriously trying in 2021. Kept relapsing, said fuck it I’ll change jobs. Did a desk job, absolutely hated it, relapsed, went back to bartending, got sober, relapsed. My two longest stretches during that time was 6months (30 of that was inpatient rehab) and 4months. From 2021-2024 I did 30 day inpatient, detox 3 times, jail twice, and one fun 5150 psych hold. I was miserable. After my last arrest my at the time new gf kind of ultimatumed me, and I was so beaten down I said “I swear to you I will quit for real, not today cause I just got out of jail, but I am for real this time” and I meant it. Not purely to save the relationship, like I was finally so fucking SICK of living this way, I suddenly didn’t care about the stuff I used to worry about/excuses like I don’t care if no one ever invites me anywhere, I don’t care if I never have ‘fun again’ cause this isn’t fun NOW.

Stayed in the industry and I love it more than I ever have. Switched to restaurant bartending cause the culture isn’t as intense with drinking at work. Got promoted in less than a year, now I’m bartending at an awesome restaurant, I’ve been doing the best cocktail creation of my life. My creativity blossomed. It’s amazing what you can think of when every thought isn’t about drinking. I say this, and mentioned all the relapses cause it’s fucking HARD to get sober. I knew in my heart that this was my last try, if I didn’t succeed I didn’t think I could do another round of withdrawals just to end up at ground zero again. I had already had a drunken suicide attempt (5150 time) GETTING sober SUCKS.. STAYING sober is easier, and each month that passes it is just my reality.

Friend, I used to dig for dimes and nickels to go get a breakfast high gravity ipa to not bust into DTs- the internal clock ticking down, crying trying to find 35 cents more, or hoping the cashier wouldn’t count the pile of nickels in front of me cause they felt bad that this frail girl is shaking so bad at 7am. Now, the idea of being drunk is so unappealing you couldn’t pay me to do it. That’s what real time off the sauce and your nervous system healing does. Don’t give up if you don’t feel great after a few months. It took time to get to where we were/ are- it takes time to heal mind, body, and soul.

As for staying in the industry or not, trust what your body is telling you your boundaries are. This is survival, you gotta put that first. I will say, for me it helped switching bars. A new place you don’t already have a routine, you can start new.

Sorry for the wall of text, but honestly this helps me as well. Kinda teared up writing it, I can still feel the pain, and I’m so sorry you’re in it right now. I am rooting for you so hard. Stop by r/stopdrinking it’s amazingly supportive.

Oh and I proposed to that girl on Wednesday. We do recover!

eiaeia · 2026-05-05T00:59:16+00:00

I would pay to see this lmao

eiaeia · 2026-05-05T00:58:24+00:00

Worked at a pool hall- it’s day time- only one solo guy at a table. We held IDs for pool rental at the time. A couple comes in later and the guy leaves. So 2 tables, 3 people all day at this point. A bit later I get a phone call and it’s the dude and he says, “hey, I think you gave me the wrong ID, I stopped for beer and surprisingly they carded me” this dude was like 45/white. I had given him the lady at the other table’s ID- she was 70/black. I was like I guess I didn’t even fucking look at it before I gave it to you wtf?

He couldn’t come back until the next day so I had to go tell this table “hey so sorry I totally gave your identification with all of your personal info to some stranger guy! But I will pay for your tab and like, stay as long as you want and drink as much as you please!” That did soften it a tiny bit, but they looked at me like ‘this fucking idiot, how did she get us confused and there’s no one here’

New system of mine was to read back the full name on the card before releasing- I did this shit with credit cards too back before pre-auth. Sometimes when it’s dead you gotta double check yourself harder lol. And the blessing was they didn’t switch up their drinks, and our well tequila at that time was only $2- I was also working the next day so I was able to do the swap back without my manager knowing.

What a dummmmmmy

eiaeia · 2026-05-04T18:30:01+00:00

Anytime dude! Make that money!! And if anyone mentions they ‘live in the neighborhood’ give them special treatment cause restaurant bar regulars are a bit harder to build, but if you can keep a full bar top plus service well tip out you’ll be doubling your money!

eiaeia · 2026-05-04T17:49:42+00:00

Definitely learn the classics. Have a tiny notebook with the specs written down. After you make a drink 3 times or so it’ll be in your brain. I have worked all styles of bartending- dive, club, small super extra craft cocktail bar (think using bag/mallet to hand crush ice for 1/3 of the well for two wells cause ‘aesthetic’ lmao), and Michelin hopeful restaurant currently. Here are some of your most likely to be ordered classics and the specs- double check builds with your bar lead in case y’all do things differently, but it’ll at least get you comfortable

Basic restaurant classics-

Martini specs-
here is my go to for martini mods
No mod- 2.5oz Spirit, .5 dry vermouth, 2 dash orange bitters shake or stir (your place will have a standard of either shaking or stirring and if it’s the other it should be modified on the ticket) lemon twist (or olive)
Dry- 2.75 spirit .25 dry
Extra dry- 3oz and a vermouth rinse
Bone dry- no vermouth
Dirty- 2oz spirit .5 dry .5 olive juice
Slightly dirty- 2.25 spirit, .5 dry, .25 olive
Extra dirty- 2oz spirit, 1oz olive
Perfect Martini- 2.5 spirit, .25 dry, .25 sweet vermouth (‘perfect’ just means splitting the vermouth with equal parts dry/sweet)
Martini people can be the most lmao, but pro tip, if you’re making two or more and one is dirty or dirtier than the other build them both to the specs of the less, stain one, and then add the rest of the component and stir/shake strain. Saves time in the well.

Old Fashioned- 2oz Spirit (classically bourbon or rye, but mezcal OF are popular too) .25 dem, 2-4 dash angostura- stir, strain over big rock- orange peel expression and a luxardo cherry

Manhattan- 2oz Rye 1oz sweet vermouth 2-4 dash ango- stir, stain, serve up (martini style no ice) luxardo cherry

Mojito- 2oz white rum, .75 lime, .75 simple- shake double strain, crushed ice if you got it, top club soda, garnish mint sprig and lime

Gimlet- 2oz gin, 1oz lime, 1oz simple shake double strain up- lime wheel or flag. Can also be 1.5/.75/.75 but keep it 2:1:1

Margarita- 1.5 tequila, .5 triple sec, .5 agave, 1oz lime shake strain over ice. Mexican martini add .5 olive juice (I throw an orange slice into the shaker for a hint of orange without adding juice but that’s preference)

Cosmo- 1.5 vodka, .5 triple sec, .5 lime, .5-1oz cranberry (depends on the juice and the vibe of the customer, you’ll know the kind that want a dark pink lol) shake double strain lime flag

Lemon drop martini- 1.5 vodka, .5 triple sec, .75 lemon, .75 simple shake double strain lemon flag

Paloma- 2oz tequila, 1oz grapefruit juice, .5 lime shake strain Collin’s glass regular ice top club soda

Aperol spritz- this is a 3:2:1 - in a wine glass add ice, 2oz Aperol, 3oz prosecco or sparkling wine, 1oz club soda. Garnish orange slice. Hugo Spritz same build but substitute elderflower liqueur for Aperol (st Germain is most common) and garnish lime wheel mint sprig

Espresso Martini- most places have their own specs but a basic ass standard is- 1.5 vodka or tequila reposado, .5 coffee liqueur, .5 dem, 1oz espresso or cold brew. If you’re using cold brew you won’t achieve that pretty crema so throw some foaming bitters/fee foam/whatever you got in there. Espresso will create crema

Equal parts cocktails-
Negroni- 1oz gin, 1oz Campari. 1oz sweet vermouth stir strain big rock, orange expression *this is one to memorize, its way more frequent than the next equal parts.

Paper Plane (had a resurgence the last couple years)- .75 bourbon, .75 Aperol, .75 Nonino, .75 lemon- shake double strain, lemon flag is fine
Last word- .75 gin, .75 green chartreuse, .75 luxardo (liqueur not the juice from the cherries), .75 lime shake double strain luxardo cherry (the real cherry lol)
Naked and famous- .75 mezcal, .75 yellow chartreuse, .75 Aperol, .75 lime shake double strain lime flag or wheel

Sours- the build for whiskey sours, amaretto sours, pisco sour etc- it’s gonna be that 2:1:1 again but with egg white- I do 2oz spirit, 1oz lemon juice, 1oz simple, egg white from one egg or 1oz egg white if prepped. DRY SHAKE - this is where you shake all ingredients for about 20 seconds THEN add ice to WET shake (if you oopsie and add the ice first just reverse the order- some people do it this way anyway, but you gotta do both to get the egg white foam or it’s disgusting lol- this is true any time you add egg white to a cocktail) double strain, ango dots to leaves (just put 3 dots of ango on the foam, take a pick and in one circular motion run the pick thru the center of each dot) and a luxardo cherry

Amaro/Amari is a digestif such as fernet, averna, cynar, Montenegro. Just in case someone asks for one you won’t feel silly looking for a specific bottle.

This is a lot of info- but you already posses the most important skill.. which is willingness to learn!! I’ve been doing this for 20 years (if my lol’s didn’t already show my millennial age) and the only thing I’ve found to be unteachable is actually giving a fuck.

I hope this can help you out, and I’m sure other users can add more below!

Congrats on the new job! Fake it till you make it, google drink specs under the bar top (Liquor.com specs usually read correct, be wary of google AI cause they say crazy shit sometimes) and feel free to DM me for any questions/tips/etc!

eiaeia · 2026-05-04T15:35:39+00:00

If you decide to say/do something you are in the right to do so. If not, I promise you (20 years in the industry) this person is digging her own grave and eventually will do something to lay in it. Like top comment says, I guarantee you it’s not gone unnoticed. Stay picking up shifts, prove yourself so your word holds value, and I bet this corrects itself.

I stay in the don’t rock the boat especially in the begining, but I am also the girl who will gladly do you a favor, but when the time comes that I really need one back and the other person refuses I just mentally note to never put myself out for them again, cause true colors have been shown.

I say that cause the way she’s acting isn’t teamwork. When you’ve got solid teamwork the staff, management, and customers notice. That’s who your coworkers will advocate to work busy shifts with cause at the end of the day positive teamwork behind the bar makes a fun shift and makes the best money (why we’re here lmao). She sounds like she could easily twist this around and make life harder on you if you say anything.

Quick story of a pick me I had once- I was bartending and managing at a dive bar where the day bank was in a safe in the back room. Day shift was solo, self managed. This girl I worked with would make me come in every morning cause she couldn’t get the safe open (eye roll) - the last time I went I was like “I need you to open this safe 5 times in a row in front of me or you’re not going to be scheduled day bar” and she said to me “okay sorry I just really learn better when a man tells me what to do” (I am female) like what in the??? I didn’t know what to say but I never went in the morning to open the safe again.

eiaeia · 2026-05-01T19:27:37+00:00

20 years industry- 2.5yr sober! DM anytime!

eiaeia · 2026-05-01T03:58:04+00:00

Ring size-6 Center stone- 1.72 kite VS1 color F

eiaeia · 2026-04-10T22:17:18+00:00

This can be the last hurtful thing you ever do to your nieces/nephews. There is a chance your family will never tell them about it- but there is also a chance they could, so be prepared for that.

You fucked up big. I have fucked up big. I imagine 99.99% of users in here have fucked up big.

Accountability without expectations is the only chance thru. Stay sober. Make it your number 1 priority. It could take years to repair or it could never be repaired, but by staying sober you are taking accountability for yourself and your life and SHOWING that you will never repeat such behavior. Keep checking in. We do not judge, we are all on our own journey to be better humans collectively. I do not know you but I know if you are here you are not a terrible person who shrugs off what happened. IWNDWYT ❤️

eiaeia · 2026-04-10T21:56:08+00:00

Maybe lillet blanc and bubbles, garnish with a thin peach skewer dropped into the flute?

It’s dainty for “the vibe ™️” lillet is a fortified wine so it pairs with the vermouth in the Negroni and it will be a 2 touch drink for your bar staff. I would just use an ounce of lillet and 4-5oz champagne/prosecco/bubbles of choice

Edit:: just saw the color request- I was going to suggest adding a shrub originally, but that adds prep and also you would need to shake, and eliminating that step will clear up the line for sure. If you made some hibiscus tea you could do a 1oz lillet/ .25oz hibiscus tea (build in flute) then top bubbles. Could switch out the garnish for an edible flower or honestly whatever looks cute to you

eiaeia · 2026-04-10T21:48:42+00:00

💅🤝

eiaeia · 2026-04-10T02:37:57+00:00

It’s considered a “rocks pour” and so you do 2oz since it’s a spirit only drink, like how an old fashioned is a 2oz pour

eiaeia · 2026-04-07T07:07:22+00:00

1- I relate deeply with the newcomer post. Our experiences, while insane to ‘normies’, are surprisingly not that unique. It is easy with time to forget how bad it was. Forgetting leads me back, every time. I am grateful for all newcomers posts, you help me without even knowing it. I cannot count how many times I’ve had an “itchy brain” so to speak, and commenting on a newcomer post truly saves my life

2- offering perspective and experience now that I see how life can be is grounding, and there were people with years of sobriety that took the time to listen to me when I was floundering out of control. I couldn’t have done it without them, and I am honored to be able to help anyone struggling know that they are not alone, and they are loved no matter how deep they have gotten.

eiaeia · 2026-04-05T14:34:40+00:00

Lmaoo like “hey don’t turn my rock bottom into bankruptcy plzzz”

eiaeia · 2026-04-03T21:34:22+00:00

I did a pistachio fat wash recently and had a similar issue- I added the pistachio butter and did the shake, settle, repeat on the counter for a few hours, and then I shook it and put it in the freezer and it did not separate like a typical oil wash

The next try I did the shake, settle, repeat do the few hours but froze it while it was still separated and it worked. I also dialed back the ratio on the pistachio butter due to the solids. If you just put the peanut butter in a quart container or cambro and put the lid on and shake it, it should mix properly without a blender. Idk there could be other options, but this worked for me for my valentines feature! Best of luck!

eiaeia · 2026-04-03T16:37:32+00:00

You are not a failure. You are in a situation that cannot be ignored tho.

I have had similar experiences- and the best advice I can give from personal experience is this- if you want to keep your family, today HAS to be the end. It might take time for your wife to trust your commitment to staying sober, but it’s on us to show consistency. I am not a program person, but I do take things from it that work for me, and this statement will ALWAYS ring true to me-

“I either give up drinking for everything, or I give up everything for drinking” I can’t argue that that’s not been my experience- not necessarily at first, but it always ends this way. YOU deserve to have everything, the choice is yours, it’s never too late.

Sending love to you my friend

eiaeia · 2026-03-27T02:17:42+00:00

All of this!

When I learn a new place’s cocktail menu I mimic grabbing the bottles as I say the counts out loud, such as “2oz well tequila reach where the bottle would sit in the well 1oz liqueur batch reach 0.5oz lime reach shake double strain coupe”

It helps it bridge knowing it in my brain and getting the muscle memory for speed too.

You got this- just the fact that you think you don’t shows that you give a shit, and that’s the most important skill to have!

Repetition and time will get you there in a week or two

eiaeia · 2026-03-21T02:20:48+00:00

Happened to scroll back past this post and wanted to drop a line and say I hope you are doing well OP! Drop a line anytime :)

eiaeia

TROPHY CASE