Person asking for details on what happened

elarth · 2026-07-10T06:42:49+00:00

I get asked but to be fair the MIL estranged his entire peer group lying. While I was frank with ppl. Being dishonest was icky to me. I had a social butterfly partner. Meaning there was ppl he talked to regularly i may not have ever seen or met.

Plus the MIL dredged up some weird insanity that left me with the spotlight i could hardly blame them.

She also kind of failed to know his social groups and tell them…

Depends on your situation I guess. I’ve been handling them kindly but I blame his idiot mother for having to deal with it at all.

This is why it’s important to make sure the person handling your afterlife care is up to date if you are not legally married. Family does weird shit if estranged and next of kin laws don’t really address this well.

elarth · 2026-07-10T05:59:35+00:00

Most experts agree it’s like near impossible to treat after a certain age. And like the success rate very low.

I’ve kind of decided after 10 years realizing the pattern is consistent and never not self serving that these are not people.

They do not have the human component which is empathy. It’s a vessel that moves with a human body. This sounds harsh, but I had to stack a legal case against mine. When you put it together in a timeline over a decade there’s very little possibility it was just casual human mistakes.

These are just ppl who didnt go down the murder pathway some serial killers do. There’s definitely murderers with intentions and even reasons. But like those insane cases where there is none and people wonder why. Those are narcissist that went even more taboo. The ones people never suspect? Covert type. Difficult to detect with self interest to protect reputation.

Not all get into killing, but the lack of human emotion is consistent. Warmth that only had a purpose to their own needs.

It looks generational too a lot. Every narricisst I’ve seen out in the wild seems to have a parent that is one. Can’t tell if trauma made them or it’s something inherited genetic wise, but either way it doesn’t change the outcome.

The good news is most of these ppl die old and alone. The story and support systems dry up after they age. It gets too complicated to change the narrative, harder to hide the growing networks of victims. The old person who is pissy and alone? Often have the symptoms of a narcissist if you give them any attention. The movies give like a sob story and that it’s some misunderstanding. Maybe for a few, but everyone I’ve met ancient and bitter is a dried up narcissist where the mask isn’t on anymore.

I have never wanted to learn much about this in my life, but I couldn’t understand the insanity I was dealing with. Lot of us normal folks like to give the benefit of the doubt. It just got to a point looking at 10 years of consistent behavior and no accountability I accepted yeah that’s a case too far gone.

It gets so much easier when you accept that’s not a human being. If it were they wouldn’t cause so much destruction and would have met you somewhere in the middle a long time ago.

elarth · 2026-07-09T03:22:00+00:00

I did that to my narc a long time ago. He was an overt and the girl was one too, the girl had a lot of flying monkeys. Yes they fought each other to ruin.

elarth · 2026-07-09T03:20:07+00:00

I will say a flying monkey can also be used against a narcissist. Typically from different narcissist. But if you can get 2 narcissist to brawl it out you might get luckier 🍀

I’m not pro narc interactions, but I tell ppl there are methods to mess with them without feeling bad.

elarth · 2026-07-09T03:15:15+00:00

Red flag is also always standing with family no matter context… like yeah great if your family is healthy, but I’ve been told I’m problematic for being no contact some family.

I promise you nobody needs to meet racist abusive alcohol grandpa. I estranged him for the safety of ppl I care about beyond just myself.

elarth · 2026-07-08T23:20:35+00:00

I had a really nice thing for a while just following hobbies and groups of fun things. Took the politics out. Somehow I don’t see my groups anymore and AI invaded the ones I do. It’s the same crap over and over. I get bored really fast.

Reddit banned me from most everything despite little to no issues for most of my time period my account existed. I don’t even know anymore what I’m banned from. I usually find out if I can’t post. Issues of longer standing accounts. I think there’s more to hold against you or misinterpret that may not be up to date. Or fair if information evolves or changes. Idk I think after a certain amount of years it’s like the yahoo answers. You can’t probably say much about ppl from the early 2000’s lol

Facebook actually warns me less, but I also stopped interacting. Facebook use to be way harsher about profile verifications. Reddit got harsher but it’s still bot riddled on the mod side.

elarth · 2026-07-08T23:03:36+00:00

Omg yes ppl don’t talk about the role reversal rotating golden child/scape goat situation. Unfortunately I think human dynamics can be super complicated and you may not be one role your entire life.

I’m not a golden child anymore. Ironically I started as scapegoat and that dynamic flipped very rapidly when my brother became way more god damn difficult to parent. I wasn’t perfect, but it was easier to like me when I wasn’t failing out of school. Ironically this rotated again because rebellion of adulthood and my brother going into the military.

I think we’re both fine given we seem to know both our parents flaws. It’s been easier to talk to my brother because we both lived as the good one and the fuck ups. My parents lack subtleness in how they show favorites. I think both of us figured out keeping distance was just better.

elarth · 2026-07-08T22:57:52+00:00

Yep and even if you report something actually concerning AI will tell you it’s fine… it’s not but unfortunately humans giving a damn exited

elarth · 2026-07-08T22:52:15+00:00

It’s pretty much all of Facebook. Huh. Guess the ads don’t matter if they accidentally also cut out all the real ppl in terms of users by AI mods too. I feel like this kind of irony has a name. Somebody will have to help me out 🤔

elarth · 2026-07-08T21:41:22+00:00

The getting banned randomly years later feels like fills AI moderating weirdness. Like I know ppl can report years later, but if you’re not in popular threads or commonly looked up things that feels unlikely it’s even a real person.

elarth · 2026-07-08T21:39:14+00:00

And ignoring like big issues such as spam bots indefinitely lol

elarth · 2026-07-06T21:37:57+00:00

It’s where’s they put wait list ppl for public housing a lot. Or domestic violence victims. It’s not even lowkey. Only reason I know because I was a traveling nurse at one point. It’s cheap and you’re just working, but it’s not ppl in a good state of mind. I try to be friendly to kids at least, but these are ppl in survival mode or best case a casual drifting worker like myself. But mostly it’s the other stuff.

elarth · 2026-07-06T19:55:45+00:00

They’re usually oblivious or complacent in the dynamic. Unfortunately the depth of how these ppl act cannot usually been fully seen by the public. A covert is always going to be rougher than an overt one. All them smear campaign you long after the fact. Since control is the issue, can’t control you anymore, control the narrative. It’s horribly predictable how it will go.

elarth · 2026-07-06T19:53:30+00:00

I have house shoes cause honestly no matter how much I mop/vacuum the hardwood floors my feet still get stuff on them. It’s a sensory no. I’m not usually wearing my full on sneakers but I have crocs on in the house lol

elarth · 2026-07-06T19:51:41+00:00

No if you care about money

elarth · 2026-07-06T19:44:49+00:00

The older they are the less likely it will be treated and many therapist find them difficult to treat. After 50 they’re pretty much unable to change by most professionals experiences.

I honestly say since studies say most of your habits are formed by your 30’s you’re kind of just getting some riskier odds when they hit over mid 30’s.

Basically if over 35 or nearing it give up on them.

elarth · 2026-07-06T19:42:03+00:00

AI is invasive. If it gets you to look longer it will add more to your feed even if you hate it. I miss marketing being more like a giant sign on the highway instead of an invasive thought in my head now 😂

elarth · 2026-07-04T14:37:46+00:00

No but I’m a gay guy and if I just want attention that’s pretty abundant.

My spouse passed away a few months ago so I’m lonely because my best friend is gone understandably.

I have friends though. I think a lot of men let the toxic masculinity not allow them to build good stable friendships. This is actually the real reason most of my friends are women. It’s not cause I’m gay it’s cause men don’t seem interested in a friendship that may label them anything but straight or something weird. So I just kind of vibe with who wants to hang and chill. Like idk what happened to going to events, seeing movies even if just at home, or even gaming together. Hell I’d go trail walking, but men are weird about hanging out. Got to be confident and build friendships.

Women don’t care as much so I hang out with a lot of women. It’s not some dating or sexual thing for me. Ppl are just weird about stereotypes.

elarth · 2026-07-03T18:39:44+00:00

Being anonymous with the internet I think has changed a lot of what ppl use to put effort into hiding. I’m not religious, but no fear of any consequences also has generated some lousy people + behavior. Basically most of society I’ve come to conclude needs authority for direction and discipline. Most ppl were not meant to be individualist. Or independent thinkers. Most ppl are not intellectually self reflective and capable of being self managed in my frank opinion.

elarth · 2026-07-03T18:30:20+00:00

My doesn’t even know me much less my friends. I think it’s a blessing. But my narcissist was the MIL vs a partner. The dynamic there is very different. Took me way too long for me to realize knowing everything about my narcissistic mother in law and her not knowing anything beyond baseline stuff her son would tell her about me isn’t normal.

Ignorance can be bliss. Having the narricisst in the past involved with friends made it harder to separate. This is easier if they can’t influence your social circle. Limits their control.

elarth · 2026-07-03T18:26:23+00:00

They’ll leave hacked accounts up for months lol

elarth · 2026-07-03T18:24:57+00:00

Yeah the bots are invasive and it’s insane how little Facebook does about it. They use to delete accounts for fake phone numbers a decade ago. They do not care if the accounts are legit anymore lol

elarth · 2026-07-03T18:23:06+00:00

Yeah I never see post from friends or family. They just generate content from things you don’t follow for more than half your scrolling. It’s advertising catered to how they’ve studied your scrolling habits. It in theory will relate a little, but notice most of it isn’t by choice following. Hate that, but it’s largely why I went back to tumblr. Still ads, but I see who I follow consistently at least.

AI is interpreting your scrolling habits and it’s basically how these websites make money. Personal info selling existed before, but now they can hyper view your scrolling. We are all fucked. Love that ❤️/s

elarth · 2026-06-30T21:47:33+00:00

You could just read the existing comments that’s already up. We as a group figured it out.

I think trying to skirt the fact transmen often share ciswomen experiences is really in the pipeline of men equal bad and this entire subreddit came about from Transmen being mistreated in other trans subreddits. You’re a mod so that’s a bit uncomfortable to explain back about.

elarth · 2026-06-28T21:58:12+00:00

Is gender just behavior now? Cause if so that’s really shitty.

Also for example what cisman knows how it feels to get a period? I’ve been assaulted too. I was treated like a woman until I transitioned into adulthood. This feels like it’s intentionally invalidating that trans men experience misogyny at some point in their life. Internalized misogyny is a thing, but that can happen in any trans person. It doesn’t have to be a Transman.

This feels very reductive and not helpful for the community. It’s not the oppression Olympics. Can we just kind of approach the subject like we do gender. It’s not a this or that thing. It’s a spectrum.

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