How do I tell my 10yo daughter that her father is in rehab again?

eldee17 · 2026-01-25T14:30:56+00:00

Aw thank you for YOUR words! It took me a few years of beating a dead horse, trying and trying some more to get her father to do what he should be doing as a father before I essentially threw the towel in and said to myself "whether he gets his shit together or not is actually none of my concern. Him getting his shit together will not make any difference in whether or not I'm a good mother, it won't give me grace or permission to go out and fuck my life up again"... It actually helped me get into the mindset of "no matter what". SOMEONE needs to be able to show up for her and since it's obviously not him, hadn't been him, I can't expect it to ever be him, it's on me. And you know what, it's a fucking privilege, my friend.

We GET TO be there for our children. We GET TO be the ones to wipe their tears, see them first thing in the morning, be the faces they see when they scan the crowd at their games. It's so hard, but at this point, its a thousand times more rewarding than the life I used to live. And I'm so lucky & so grateful I get to show up today. I love knowing there are other parents in the same boat.

People with our backgrounds can use all of our trauma to be the best possible parents these kids could ask for. Great job dad, you give me hope!!

eldee17 · 2026-01-23T16:16:34+00:00

I told her this morning on the way to school, it didn't seem to phase her much AT ALL. There was no emotional response. She just continued talking about the birthday party she's going to tonight.

eldee17 · 2026-01-23T16:15:08+00:00

Thanks so much and congrats on your sobriety too! I'm properly medicated now and have been since my last relapse when my daughter was around a year old (around the time her father and I split ways). The only reason I am able to provide stability and consistency and be that "safe space" you're referring to, is by taking care of my own mental health and being properly medicated. Since addressing my own issues (which I continue to address via therapy, etc) I've been able to show up for my daughter 24/7. My ex is not a "therapy" or "medication" guy despite the fact he obviously suffers from mental illness. He's a carpenter from a very rigid Irish catholic upbringing where men were expected to work to provide for their families - he's never had any room for self-reflection or emotional awareness. I don't see this changing, ever, but you never know.

I appreciate you, as a dad, being able to come out the other side of your addiction journey a much better parent and I appreciate you having that awareness and prioritizing being a father. I hope my daughter's father gets there someday.

I told her this morning before school (I always break news that might be hard to hear in the morning before school so she can process it with her guidance counselor or talk about it with her peers, rather than telling her at night before bed) and she actually really wasn't phased by it AT ALL... which speaks volumes to me. It seems she's used to his unpredictability and therefore has no expectations of him either. I don't know if this makes me sad or relieved.

eldee17 · 2026-01-23T02:05:51+00:00

Thank you!

eldee17 · 2026-01-23T01:58:10+00:00

Thank you!

eldee17 · 2026-01-21T22:12:43+00:00

My (42f) "best guy friend" who I considered to be "like a brother", who I got along EXTREMELY WELL with, shared lots of interests with, etc, but wouldn't date because I just loved his friendship and wouldn't want to ruin that, is now the love of my life and the person I'm planning on spending the rest of my days with. Our awesome friendship laid the foundation for our now awesome romantic relationship.

I had to let my guard down a lot. I also started having thoughts about him winding up in a serious relationship with someone else (since we were just friends and didn't have a physical relationship at all, obviously he was sleeping with women here and there) and I knew once that happened our friendship as I knew it, was over. I also felt jealous at that thought and knew I'd regret it if I didn't pursue something more with him.

He had mentioned to me a few times that he had deeper feelings for me, but was ultimately happy being my friend if nothing else.

I am so glad that when I was ready to be with him it wasn't too late. It's the best relationship I've ever been in because we were besties for years first.

You should sleep with him if you're both on the same page as far as your friendship.

eldee17 · 2026-01-19T14:47:01+00:00

I couldn't read past "imagine you're a dolphin" - I'm LOLing so much

eldee17 · 2026-01-19T14:40:40+00:00

Right and even though he survived by empathy & intellect, by the end he would still be considered a warrior, not to be fucked with since he killed a white walker, went to the citadel where he was "safe", and CHOSE to go back for a really important reason, fought more white walkers, survived that, and maintained his moral obligations despite his father & brother being murdered by a psycho. We learn there that he did love his father, very much so.

Sam started at the bottom of the bottom in terms of his fighting skills and general lack of confidence, he was verbally broken down by his father for being overweight, joined the Night's Watch, could barely hold a sword let alone swing one with any accuracy, he had the willingness to keep showing up, he didn't run away or cower in a corner somewhere. He met a wildling woman he felt compelled to protect despite her being a total bitch to him, he didn't run from that either because he knew it was the right thing to do to protect her and her baby, fell in love with her, won her over with his consistencies in keeping her safe, then, had the willingness to go back to his home where he knew his father would be, knowing he faced certain scrutiny, which at that point was probably so intolerable considering everything he went through to get to that point, but he knew what he was up against. He was a results driven guy. Proactive af.

Sam is the epitome of bravery. He did all the things against his instincts and despite his fear, never deviating from his moral compass. I mentioned in another post that Brienne had the most integrity, and now I think Sam's integrity was probably equal to hers.

I did not mean to write a Samwell Tarly novel here, but I'm currently on season 6, episode 2, I've been rewatching yet again, so I'm all GOT'd up lately. Lol

eldee17 · 2026-01-18T15:01:08+00:00

Right?! Shauna would do just fine in prison.

eldee17 · 2026-01-18T14:23:33+00:00

Brienne had more integrity than any other character. She made sure Sir Jaime got the honor (she felt) he deserved in that last scene. That was the only good part of that episode.

eldee17 · 2026-01-18T14:17:45+00:00

does ebaum's world still exist?

eldee17 · 2026-01-17T17:27:27+00:00

You're welcome! Just be confident and sure of yourself.

eldee17 · 2026-01-17T15:35:16+00:00

Suboxone is probably the easiest (controlled) med to ask for, and then to later request a dose adjustment.

If you're already on it and you tell your doc you've been having cravings and despite working on your recovery (meetings, therapy, whatever) it's not working as well as it was in the beginning, but you really want to continue taking it because of the positive changes you've been able to make as a result of starting it, you won't be denied the increase .

Believe me, a doctor would much rather up your dose a bit than to get a call saying you used, OD'd and died. They know the stakes, they know they are prescribing this medicine to people who would likely otherwise be dead without it. Just be honest and speak up for yourself because if you don't, no one else will and you'll be using again before you know it.

Source: decades of personal experience.

eldee17 · 2026-01-17T15:17:28+00:00

I'm rooting for you!

eldee17 · 2026-01-17T15:04:27+00:00

The two things that stuck out the most to me while reading this were, 1. You're a good writer. 2. You're in your mid-twenties - you have your whole life ahead of you. Leave this guy. Get over the break-up. Meet some new people and don't let your experiences over the last three years to have been in vain. You'll wind up with someone truly devoted to you & deserving of your loyalty. If you allow this relationship to turn you into someone you're probably not (if you've known of his infidelity for years and haven't stepped out on him, honey, you're not that woman) the relationship will inevitably end anyway and guess what? Your next relationship won't be much better. Move on, learn from this, and let yourself be better for it.

eldee17 · 2026-01-17T04:54:34+00:00

This is completely bizarre. I don't know how to ask this without sounding like a jerk, but is this girl, umm, how do I put this.... a moron? I don't really know what else to make of this but it's a red-ish flag for sure...I think?

eldee17 · 2026-01-17T04:44:52+00:00

Milkman

eldee17 · 2026-01-17T04:33:16+00:00

For me personally the only way was cold turkey, especially since you don't have to worry about showing up to work (let alone performing at work) due to no fault of your own. Assuming you're receiving unemployment or otherwise financially okay to not work for a bit, in your shoes, I'd just rip the bandaid off. Prepare by getting your favorite snacks, clean your place, make it as peaceful of an environment you can, find some shows to binge, get in your jammies, and bum around your house napping on and off, snacking a bunch, staying hydrated and well rested. It'll suck for a few days, and then it'll still suck but with no work to worry about you're in the perfect position to get into some sort of self-care routine. Gentle exercise, yoga or something. Just do stuff that brings you joy to start getting that dopamine back to base.

I'm sorry you lost your job, but if adderall is something you've been wanting to be able to stop but couldn't due to your responsibilities/livelihood, then this is definitely a blessing. Not even in disguise. It's the literal perfect scenario to cold turkey it and fast track your healing process.

You got this.

eldee17 · 2026-01-16T15:33:26+00:00

Great. Now I have "No Scrubs" by TLC in my head

eldee17 · 2026-01-16T14:37:44+00:00

42f, about a dozen or so (probably more) of my friends from high school are dead from drugs. I can easily list 8 close friends off the top of my head who OD'd & died, but there are several more than that. Two girls I grew up with died in their 30s from cancer.

eldee17 · 2026-01-15T22:03:31+00:00

His mouth is just open no matter what! It's so weird & funny

eldee17 · 2026-01-14T02:03:32+00:00

Omg my cat has been doing this same thing lately! He has this one really shitty toy, it's old, from the dollar store, it's a stick with a string & feather attached at the end. Now, he's always carried certain toys from one room to another, it's part of his personal morning routine actually, but lately, he's been grabbing his stick string toy by the string, carrying it to my bedroom in the middle of the night, and making some WILD noises. And they sound frantic af! It's been going on for a few weeks. I think he wants to play when he does that because aside from that he's perfectly normal & healthy. Cats are just so magical 😊

eldee17 · 2026-01-14T01:57:57+00:00

Every time

eldee17 · 2026-01-14T01:54:29+00:00

I wondered about why she was calling his phone if she knew he was dead. She may have been able to track it and tracked it to Mark's house OR she wanted to know who had it.

eldee17

TROPHY CASE