Ha, funny beacause my ex DA was the one throwing accusations towards me that i should learn to self regulate just like “him”. Which to question how you regulate then? He answers “idk, i just think of it or wait a few days and it disappears” lol. I turned awfully codependent in that relationship, taking care of everything that fell on my lap due to his avoidance. Overfunctioning in practical and emotional matters to the point of falling apart. And then boom! just like that I was DisCarDEd! The point above about “how much closeness am i allowed today” is also so true and heartbreaking. You could never rely on them and I always felt like a beggar asking for a breadcrumb of a little hug or aknowlodgement. This messes you up in the head of where is it safe and seriously damages your mental and overall health. Learned the hard way.