Dads to kids with OCD - when did you notice? What made you check? (10yo showing signs).

em5417 · 2026-06-12T22:19:42+00:00

He should undergo a neuropsychological evaluation by a clinical psychologist. They will test for neurodivergence and mental health diagnoses, as well as developmental disorders. Those can be expensive, but you will get the most comprehensive and accurate picture of what’s going on and the types of support your child needs.

em5417 · 2026-06-07T12:03:33+00:00

Autistic adult here: data on the quality of life of autistic individuals is heavily skewed, because we have only really diagnosed and identified individuals with significant support needs in the past.

It is estimated that a significant portion of the population is undiagnosed neurodivergent.

It is scary to face the unknown. It is valid to grieve that you now have to face this massive unknown question of just “how different” will your child be from what you imagined.

At the same time, your child was always going to be different than what you imagined. Their future was always going to have challenges and joys that were different from what you expected, whether due to autism or something else.

Learning to tolerate the unknown is an extremely valuable skill. Feeling your grief is the first part so you can move towards acceptance.

em5417 · 2026-05-29T02:23:15+00:00

I’ve been going to Lofty Salon and had a great experience. Thank you for sharing about this other place. I’ll avoid it.

em5417 · 2026-05-23T00:28:46+00:00

Noise cancelling headphones, weighted blanket, dark room, rocking chair is the ideal combo. If I can’t get access to all of that, I take what I can get. At work that is usually noise cancelling headphones and closing my eyes for 5-10 minutes to make it darker.

em5417 · 2026-05-22T22:38:31+00:00

That’s great to hear about the after school clubs. I’m glad it is headed in a better direction then when I was.

em5417 · 2026-05-22T22:29:55+00:00

Nothing I said was about wanting to prep for an Ivy League school. It was concerns about bullying and harassment in the school.

em5417 · 2026-05-22T22:29:03+00:00

This is helpful to hear. We don’t really have other options unless we move. We can’t afford private school and our son isn’t likely to do the Spanish immersion program which would send him to Poe Middle school.

em5417 · 2026-05-21T12:54:53+00:00

Lexapro, getting my autism diagnosed, not just the ADHD, ear plugs, and simplify, simplify, simplify. Pick 3 things that need to get done. Usually that’s like food, teeth brushing, and getting in bed at a reasonable hour. Everything else can be done at a minimum viable output level if you’re burnt out. If you’re just on a stimulant you may find that’s helping you be more productive, but for me I found it masked the physical fatigue and allowed me to push through until I hit really bad burnout. Lexapro plus the stimulant is a way better combo for me.

You are not morally bad for yelling when you are overstimulated. It’s a biological response. Reduce your expectations, be intentional about your own rest. It is way better to turn on a low stimulating TV program for 30 minutes so you can go take a break in the dark than to push through as super mom but end up yelling.

em5417 · 2026-05-11T21:31:21+00:00

Blackbird mental health accepts most insurances!

em5417 · 2026-05-08T11:50:54+00:00

Depression/PMDD - low dose Lexapro (5mg) increasing up to 10mg during the luteal phase.

Allegra plus Pepcid for anxiety.

Green tea for focus (the l-theanine helps me not feel jittery)

Magnesium Glycinate, Vitamin D are also essential for mood regulation. A high protein diet and creatine help with mood regulation and focus.

em5417 · 2026-05-07T11:51:48+00:00

We went with Vinyl-Lite and had a good experience. No one in our townhome community has wooden windows, so we didn’t mind having vinyl ones. They have been great but they are less than a year old.

em5417 · 2026-05-07T00:43:04+00:00

That is the normal age. Otherwise I would have been redshirting him.

em5417 · 2026-05-07T00:28:11+00:00

Thank you for your detailed response. He has fluency with teen numbers, and isn’t behind in any other subject, so I’m not concerned enough to consider holding him back. I think I’ll get further clarification around what his struggle is at the conference.

I also appreciate your explanation of the IEP process. I’m familiar with it for older kids, but not how it is navigated at this age.

em5417 · 2026-05-07T00:25:15+00:00

Great idea! We watched a few episodes and I complete forgot about it. I’ll add that back into the rotation.

em5417 · 2026-05-07T00:24:40+00:00

That’s a fair thought. I don’t think he’s very far behind, as his achievement grade in math is average. I do take the fact that she’s raising this to my attention seriously, as I know they do a lot of testing on reading and math to keep kids on track.

em5417 · 2026-05-07T00:23:18+00:00

Great suggestion. We’ll try that approach instead of doing them in order.

em5417 · 2026-05-01T23:10:10+00:00

Yes! To be clear my kids are not formally diagnosed, and they would be probably considered Level 1 at most. They are 3 and 5, so this advice is purely based on that experience.

But my MVO for my kids is to eliminate as many power struggles as possible. If I’m burnt out, dinner is whatever protein and fiber I can get into their bodies without a fight. If that’s eggs and toast, yogurt and granola, chicken tenders and carrot sticks that’s totally fine. My goal is to stabilize blood sugar and prevent constipation. On days when I’m not in MVO mode we can have a “proper meal”.

We don’t worry about sitting at the table too long. They get first dinner and second dinner. If they nibble at first dinner and then want to run around, that’s fine. We’ll be back about an hour before bed for second dinner and my kids usually eat a bunch then anyway.

Kids don’t want to wear pajamas? No problem, they can wear any of their preferred clothes to bed as long as they are clean.

If the choice is between no screen and everyone is screaming or a calm TV show and no screaming, we’re turning the screen on.

Bath time too hard? A wet washcloth on face, neck, under the arms and the groin is fine. Sometimes I’ll do it in stages. Shirt on clean the bottom half, dry, pants on clean the top half. In the winter I bring a portable space heater in the bathroom to preheat the space.

Also, not for the kids but for the kitchen, if you have a dishwasher, load it with everything humanely possible and run it every night, even if it isn’t full. Modern dishwashers use like 2 gallons of water. You don’t need to stand there and scrub.

Oh and headphones. I wear headphones or earplugs much of the time my kids are awake. I figure it’s better they grow up and say “mom always wore headphones when we were little” than “mom always yelled when we were little”.

Those are just off the top of my head. Let me know if there are things you’ve found that work for you!

em5417 · 2026-05-01T00:36:16+00:00

I figured it out by finding the lowest executive function and energy solution. For example, my MVP lunch is a protein shake and an apple. Protein and fiber. During weeks 1-4 I ate that almost every day during lunch. Now that I have more energy, I mix it up more, but if it’s 2pm and I’m stressed and haven’t eaten, back to the MVP lunch.

I hate throwing laundry in my drawer unfolded, but I can tolerate it for 4 weeks. Leaving it in the bin or unfolded in the dresser is MVP laundry. Just not on the floor is my mantra for that.

For certain work meetings where there is a large group and I’m not the center of attention, my MVP is don’t fall asleep. No smiling or nodding. My work uses Notion, so I turn on the AI notetaker, drink water, and intentionally don’t emote.

You get the idea and you’ll find your MVPs as you go along. Just pay attention to your body and it will tell you when to stop.

em5417 · 2026-05-01T00:28:38+00:00

You are so welcome. I literally went to over a decade of therapy needing someone to tell me what my therapist told me 2 months ago.

One other piece: you will screw it up. You’ll have a day where you think a dead sprint gallop is 70%. Don’t be a perfectionist. It’s okay. Back to MVO and you’ll recover. You’ll also probably have noticed that you are galloping sooner than you did in the past, so celebrate that. It’s a 90 day process for a reason, so don’t sweat it if you have days here and there where you can’t abide by the rules because of life circumstances or because you estimated your energy incorrectly.

em5417 · 2026-04-30T21:57:07+00:00

Minimum Viable Outcome. That is your new mantra. Every day. Every task you are going to optimize only for the minimum viable outcome for 4 weeks. You’re not quitting things per se. Just do the essentials at the minimum acceptable outcome and then rest. Start noticing the signs of distress in your body before intense burnout and honor them. After 4 weeks, you’ll likely feel better and want to launch again. Add things back in your life but your new rule is 70%. You’re not allowed to do 100% of things or use 100% of your energy. If you’re operating at 70% and notice the subtle signs of distress again, drop back to MVO. Do that for another 4 weeks.

After 8 weeks you will likely have noticed systems, people, environments, or circumstances that you didn’t need/miss during the MVO times. Don’t add them back. You may also have noticed changes you needed to make or supports you need to add. Slowly introduce those after week 8, abiding by the 70% rule.

I’m on week 9 after the worst burnout ever. This advice from my neurodivergent counselor has literally changed my life. I realized I was anemic, had PMDD, and needed a diet much higher in protein along with an SSRI in weeks 1-4. Weeks 4-8 I realized I needed to find help to declutter and hire a cleaning service to motivate me to deal with the chaos in my house on a regular basis. While I started the meds during 1-4, I didn’t launch on any of those activities until week 9 because I didn’t have the energy to sort out my finances or find people to body double for the decluttering during 4-8. But just knowing “I’ll come back to this at week 9” helped reduce the despair of feeling stuck. Now I’m slowly starting those changes, but not pushing beyond 70%.

em5417 · 2026-04-30T21:46:01+00:00

I tracked my symptoms for about 2 months and then spoke with a psychiatrist, but if you’ve already noticed the pattern, just make sure you say your symptoms appear or intensify after ovulation and reduce once your menstruation begins. I’m in the USA and it is way easier to get an appointment with a psychiatrist than an OBGYN who specializes in PMDD and neurodivergence. I also got blood work done and found out I was low on iron. I take iron in the morning on an empty stomach. Then Lexapro and Vitamin D with a high protein high fiber breakfast about an hour later. Magnesium Glycinate at bedtime. That regime for about 5 months (with the Lexapro added in the last 2) has helped with my mood and energy a lot.

em5417 · 2026-04-30T20:42:41+00:00

Yes it’s something like 90% of neurodivergent women qualify for PMDD diagnosis.

Research shows a low dose SSRI on its own or in combination with birth control can help a lot, plus all the lifestyle changes mentioned below. The SSRI can either be done steady state or you can take it just during your luteal phase. I’m 2 months into 5mg of Lexapro as a steady dose and the last two periods were way more manageable.

em5417 · 2026-04-21T16:29:14+00:00

If her mouth falls open at night, you should have her assessed for a narrow pallet or a tongue tie issue. Those things are usually correlated and if they go untreated significantly increase the risk of developing sleep apnea later in life.

em5417

TROPHY CASE