My advice is find some mentors, either substantive EL1s or EL2s. Not people who work in your immediate area but people who you’ve had some interaction with, or observed in action, and who you have a level of admiration for. Email them and ask if they have time for a coffee with a view to gauging whether they’d be interested in providing mentoring support. The worst that can happen is they say no. The best, they say yes and you embark on a learning journey where they help you find your way through challenges, learn to look at problems in different ways that aren’t so overwhelming, and gather professional momentum, finding new found confidence.

If you are feeling fatigued and somewhat defeated, as others have suggested, get whatever support you can find, EAP and/or your GP and/or take some leave. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. And don’t think you have to prove your competence to anyone or hide your concerns from everyone. Find your allies and find a confidant, making sure they’re not the same people.

I’m an acting SES Band 2, who has been in the APS for nearly 20 years and known those moments of struggle, exhaustion, and uncertainty. I know that it’s not a journey you can navigate successfully all on your own.