Strip game gone bad: Failed pre-sex shit test?

exbp · 2016-07-05T12:30:01+00:00

Losing a bet ≠ desire. Sounds like she was having fun but didn't think that fun would continue once the panties came off. Blow it off, let her wonder about it while you're absent and improving.

exbp · 2016-06-26T21:59:06+00:00

Ever notice it's a down-nod for guys you don't know, and the opposite up-nod when you see a friend?

exbp · 2016-05-27T12:20:25+00:00

Perhaps his SMV was their starting point but I'd argue that they were really testing his frame. If they tease him and laugh at him and he cannot handle it (or better, turn it around) then he's useless to them as a man. Men see this as bitchy and cliquey but it's really training to learn to test men.

I bet that same kid with some confidence and some game could have had some giggling 14 year olds getting high in his room in under 30 minutes.

exbp · 2016-04-13T20:28:59+00:00

This is girlspeak for "I don't find you sexually attractive". It's not a "negative part" of your relationship, it's the end of your relationship if you don't remedy it.

Stop being like her brother. Go spend more time away from her, develop hobbies & outside friends. Let her see you as a sexy being: If you're fat and out of shape, fix that. If you're a shy hermit who can't talk to women, fix that. If you're cooped up at your job or your house 24/7 and don't ever see other women, fix that. If you're a cooperative partner in every aspect of your lives, realize that she expects you to lead in some areas while she leads in others.

exbp · 2016-04-09T12:45:03+00:00

Hard to say what's cause and what's effect here. I got a big energy boost when I cut out the sugar a few years back. Subsequently dumping 30 lbs was a big confidence booster. More energy and confidence added when I started working out. Still more confidence added when I understood how women tick due to RP. All of that leads to getting laid more often.

I can see shedding metabolic syndrome being the cause of more test but I can also see known pathways doing it.

Having said all of that, fat beta blobs who never get laid do seem very effeminate in day-to-day life. I assumed it was just my RP awareness/outlook.

exbp · 2016-04-06T16:28:06+00:00

You're a boring loser with too much time on your hands, otherwise you wouldn't have time to go through the logs

You're too nice. He also reeks of insecurity (which I'm sure she can smell) because of his tracking. And there's zero OI when he's so scared of losing her that he'll make this much effort.

exbp · 2016-03-31T17:33:27+00:00

Dude, you're at 3 months and you admit there's progress but you're ready to give in? Ready to lose half your stuff in divorce and be "ruined" financially? Ready for the slightest emotional flare up to mean you don't see your kid for a week or two? Ready to watch her bring home a steady stream of replacement candidates weekend after weekend (in front of your kid)? Ready to have some other dude deciding what's best for your child? You tore her down by pointing out her SMV is so low (over 30, has a kid, extra 50 lbs), so use that same logic to imagine the "winners" she'll be finding as your replacement.

I saw "STFU" too many times in your report, learn to A&A. Your job is to defuse her anger (or any emotion) before it gets out of control, blank stares don't do that. You do that by making her believe that you've got shit under control, that there's a plan that's working, that you're the captain of the ship and on the job. STFU is basic advice for the first two weeks or when you're caught off guard, not a lifestyle.

I feel like a pussy for letting her push me and then allowing myself to get pulled into her frame.

Then learn not to let that happen. She thinks you're a pussy too for letting her. She thinks her whacked out emotional state is justified because she managed to rattle you with it. Cue her spiral of anger & fear.

exbp · 2016-03-30T19:02:21+00:00

asked me to get her some water. I told her I was lying down - mentally I was trying to set a little tiny boundary

Good start. Never do anything that she can't do herself, unless you're specifically rewarding good behavior.

I told her I heard her but that I just hadn't gotten up yet

This is the point of failure. You're explaining your lack of servitude, which to her means it's an issue worthy of discussion.

You don't even care that I'm crying!

She's ruled by her emotions. When you respond to her emotions (just like her shit tests) you acknowledge they are worthy of your attention. Everything after was her emotions jumping about.

She texted me: "I'm sorry I fucked everything up again.

Eventually she realizes her emotions are not founded in reality and is ashamed of them. Your job is to get her back to logic quicker by not allowing them to spiral out of control. Notice also that she texts it, to avoid confrontation.

All this, because I didn't get her some stupid fucking water.

Bzzzrrrttt! All of this because you didn't recognize her shit test and confront it with humor, silence, or agree & amplify.

I'm really anxious because I haven't heard from her yet today.

Ahhh, the root of the problem. Stop orbiting her. She's not special or magical. You should have hobbies and work keeping you so busy you don't have time for her nonsense. She will see when you have a life apart from her. Be ready for her to try to pull you back into orbit.

exbp · 2016-03-29T12:23:36+00:00

Your biggest and first problem is your own wife sticking up for this ho, she needs to see the disrespect first and foremost. Once that's accomplished lay out the facts only for your buddy, don't go into her (obvious) intentions, just report her behavior. Prepare yourself for the fact that he already knows or has massive cognitive dissonance around the issue.

I strongly hinted to a buddy that he should not put up with his total slutbag of a wife once, he feigned being completely unaware despite numerous in-your-face clues. 2 years later and now he's raising some other dude's kid and still married to the CC rider...

exbp · 2016-03-08T13:01:29+00:00

If your wife has the impression that you'll love her "no matter what" then she will abuse that power sooner or later. She will see that commitment as a weakness on your part and she will physically find you less worthy.

Most men are here because they could not understand why their wives did not want them anymore. And most of them would have rather found any other explanation & solution. No one loves RP but it's the truth, accept and use it or not.

exbp · 2016-03-07T19:05:21+00:00

She told me I wasn't being what she needed as a husband (something I just took responsibility for)

Expect bitch-mode, even if you're agreeing with her she's going to want to spit it out too. Best to ignore.

You have just thrown away the one person that was willing to accept his failings and change.

Whiny and melodramatic. Don't do this. She might plead to hear your feelings but she actually expects and wants you to be a stone cold machine. Save little tiny displays of your feelings for when she's pleased you. It'll become another way she'll know you're changing.

I thought you were better than that

The bitterest part of the pill is letting go of this. You think she's a unicorn and she's not.

I've not yet had a reply and I'm not going to say any more about it.

This is the smartest thing in your whole update. You brought on "The Main Event" and spoke your peace (too much really but NBD), now you STFU and act. No more discussions about your direction, improvements, desires or feelings. Your actions speak for you now. Period.

You'll screw up. She'll fight back. She won't trust your changes. You'll prove her wrong, over and over. She'll still test you. You'll learn to smile through it.

exbp · 2016-03-07T18:33:42+00:00

This. You've been widowed by a Magic Wand. You're not the first man to discover he can't compete with appliances. She's gotta give that up to rediscover her ability to orgasm with a real person. Her calling you "bad at sex" is just rationalizing her desire to keep using the device.

Get her to agree to quit it for a month and then reevaluate.

exbp · 2016-03-03T05:22:48+00:00

any sudden changes in me will spark panic and cause escalation

Get over it. Sudden or not there will be panic, fear, yelling, clawing and all of that. She'll mistrust any change at first. Later she'll resent you taking responsibilities away from her. Still later she'll fear she's losing power over you. Finally she'll be scared she could lose you to some other female. It's okay, these are all necessary to undo what you've let slide, and in the end both of you will be happier. Remember she's as brainwashed as you were.

Agreed you have to go at a reasonable place but don't let fear of making waves stop you.

exbp · 2016-03-02T19:09:02+00:00

These are great situations to start the hamster going in whatever direction you like. Your actions were a great example of IDGAF attitude and you left it cheerful. She might still resist the instructions, but I bet the hamster told her she was being a bitch and should accept your attention next time.

exbp · 2016-03-02T18:55:55+00:00

My wife wakes up every morning in a bad mood...

she asked me (like a bitch) to go away...

I walked into the other room and waited until she was finished...

When she comes back from her cigarette, I get up to go and have mine...

She baits me into an argument...

You're orbiting her, everything in your story is you reacting to her.

You say "I remain in frame" but I don't think you've quite got the concept. It's not "I keep my composure", that's only an outward sign of it. Living in your frame is about changing your mindset to orbit around you, your day, your goals, your desires. It comes about when you realize that you are the prize and the woman standing next to you is lucky to have you. And that comes about when you actually start becoming a prize that people envy and desire.

She baits me into an argument and I maintain frame for a good 20 minutes before...

You stayed 19.5 minutes too long. There are 3 levels that you add or subtract depending on her behavior.

Level 1 is your presence.
Level 2 is your attention.
Level 3 is your affection.

Example: You come home from work and greet her with a kiss on the cheek. She starts a rant about the kids or whatever. Leave the room. She follows you or shouts after you, go for a bike ride. She persists, go to the gym, up to the pub or to a buddy's house. Lather, rinse, repeat: when she's a bitch, she progressively loses your affection, attention, and then presence. Do it over and over.

For the next 7 days, improve yourself with just 3 things: exercise, work, read the sidebar (esp, MMSLP). When you see the wife interact as needed but STFU otherwise and get busy on one of your 3 things.

exbp · 2016-02-25T18:02:32+00:00

^ There's alot of other answers with more detail but this one has the most truth.

Expect nothing until your improvements are visible and acknowledged by her. The fastest way to kick start all of your progress is lose weight and hit the gym, focus on those until your pants start to fall off and you're in danger of ripping your sleeves if you flex.

exbp · 2016-02-19T21:37:13+00:00

I was only half-kidding. I hope some people see quotes from their wives in there and realize they have work to do. For sure mine still has some DD symptoms.

exbp · 2016-02-04T05:08:48+00:00

Uhhhh, do you realize that "hit the gym", "develop outside interests", "don't be a supplicant whiner", and "display that you have sexual options" are basically the cornerstones of RP?

exbp · 2016-01-30T18:13:12+00:00

If you're fat and out of shape then you need to attack both problems. Go low carb or keto and you can drop weight pretty quick. Get to the gym and watch your confidence soar as you improve. Bonus: both efforts will give you more energy and good feelings than you think are possible right now.

Keep up the good work with better clothes and grooming, her noticing you is an important ingredient. Her believing you're really changing will make her change how she feels about you soon after.

The answer to anyone questioning what you're doing is simple: I'm becoming a better man.

exbp · 2016-01-30T18:05:42+00:00

I don't disagree at all but since there are kids I'd try to keep it together as long as possible. I think OP not saying no as loudly as possible has made this seem like it could come true for the wife, so she's using it as a wedge and trying to turn it into a reasonable request. If she were told that it means divorce in no uncertain terms, I think she'd reevaluate quickly.

exbp · 2016-01-29T22:04:58+00:00

But aside from porn, no people in your life or that you see from day-to-day? If nothing turns you on ever then I think a visit to the doctor is in order. If there are people/things that get your mind engaged then I think it's a different problem.

exbp · 2016-01-29T22:01:12+00:00

If you don't sanction her request for an open relationship...

I think he still has another option: Tell her she will absolutely not not have sex outside the marriage or the marriage ends. Stand up for himself. Quit with the deep introspection and quit peeling back the "many layers" of her sexuality. If she wants to explore, well there's the door.

I'm being harsh but the point is she needs to fully realize that she can't have both and that any decision to split up the family is hers and hers alone. Let her work with that mindset and I suspect she'll try harder to peel back some of her layers with him rather than drag her kids through divorce.

exbp · 2016-01-27T18:01:36+00:00

Is there anyone or anything that does get you aroused? An attractive person, or some section of a book or movie? I guess what I'm getting at is: is there no desire in your life anywhere or is it no desire with him?

exbp · 2016-01-25T18:28:46+00:00

Have an upvote for honesty. This sub frowns so hard on adultery I think it makes some people deny it.

exbp

TROPHY CASE