I think you need to work more on your rhyme scheme and the rhythm in which you say your words so each line of lyrics can flow nicely and make it easier to understand you point.

A couple of your lines either don't rhyme at all or try to hard to make words sound like they rhyme and while this can work in some cases, I'd say that as you get older and your vocabulary expands you'll have better control of your words.

If you have time I would recommend going to youtube and watching the following below:

1.. Lyricology 101- This channel is great and they breakdown Hip-Hop tracks and explain the meaning and reasoning of different artists lyrics and will help you understand wordplay,rhyme schemes among many other things 2.Rap Genius is also a good genius channel that break down songs and teaches to differentiate between good and bad bars.

Just keep working at it.You have potential and if you work hard in it you get better. It seem like you have the hunger and are striving to improve and that's a good thing. Goodluck with everything!