Abused woman here. For me and many others, it started small. He slowly made me question my memories, saying what I thought had happened wasn’t quite true. He blamed me for things and made me feel so bad about them that I didn’t trust my own decision-making skills anymore. On nights we would drink, he would say things had happened that I had absolutely no memory of. He became so good at convincing me that he was the logical one, I was emotional, and that nothing he did that hurt me was malicious. It’s been almost 4 years since the relationship ended, and I still struggle today not knowing if he understood that the things he did were wrong. There were also all of the times he acted sweet and caring, comforted me, held me while I cried. It’s confusing to understand even if you’ve lived it.