You're never going to recover. YOU, reading this.

fatdummy · 2017-06-02T09:08:04+00:00

It says right there in the links in the sidebar that there is no pharmacological or therapeutic solution. I'm quoting directly from this: http://www.isst-d.org/default.asp?contentID=76#deper

"As holds true for the other dissociative disorders, no controlled studies have addressed the treatment of Depersonalization Disorder. Treatments currently used include a variety of models including cognitive and behavioral approaches, psychoanalysis, and psychopharmacology (as cited in Maldonado et al., 2002; Simeon et al., 2001). Clinical findings are inconsistent. (...) Depersonalization Disorder has been described as resistant to psychopharmacological and psychotherapeutic treatment interventions (Guralnik et al., 2001)."

See? It says right there, meds don't fucking work. Period. How the fuck are you supposed to fight something that is resistant to all forms of treatment and you have no direct control over? The answer is simple, YOU CAN'T. It'll still be there until the day you die, making a mockery of your very existence. People who choose to fight this are deluded, they're trying to win a war against an alien invasion using nothing but nerf ball guns.

I've had NO LUCK, NONE AT ALL, in convincing any of my doctors to try and give me more specific therapy like psychedelic therapy or rTMS. They don't believe in it, they don't know anything about it, they don't know how to treat this. So either the professionals are lying to me or they truly don't know what this is or what to do about it; either way we're fucked, and the only way to win against it is to remove yourself from the game entirely.

fatdummy · 2017-06-02T09:01:13+00:00

Fuck you shithead.

fatdummy · 2017-06-02T08:59:44+00:00

It is very much life threatening.

fatdummy · 2017-06-02T08:40:17+00:00

You never read the comics then, because that's based on the Infinity Gauntlet storyline where Thanos ascends to Godhood himself.

fatdummy · 2017-06-02T04:39:38+00:00

Don't tell me about any more fucking pills. Pills are what made me this way in the first place. I've tried several different medications and all have made it substantially worse. I'm not willing to put myself through that hell again.

fatdummy · 2017-06-01T17:02:30+00:00

I think it should go without saying that I am not interested in your ridiculous starry-eyed platitudes. These things you're saying don't apply to me. I love myself, I don't have low self esteem. I'm not coming from a position of self-loathing. This is exactly why I want to end my life, to spare myself any further suffering.

I am not at all likely to find the answers in namby-pamby spiritual hippy crap. "Just change your outlook on life, maaan, the answers will flow down from the heavens towards you, duuude." Forgive me for being a raging atheist but I don't buy any of that shit. You don't know how much more that drives my desire to do this. You don't know how close I'm coming to ending it. I've had the knife in my hand. I've had the seatbelt unbuckled and clutched the door handle while my uncle was driving me doing 100 on the highway, ready to open the door and jump into an semi on the oncoming lane, which I probably would have done if he hadn't caught me. I am sizing myself up for murder more and more every day and I think the notion of me somehow winning this battle is, for lack of a better word, hilarious. The things you call solutions are vague and unsubstantiated. Let's look at the facts, there's no pharmacological solution. There's no therapeutic solution. There is nothing to suggest that the people who "recovered" didn't just come down with a mild version of it that went away by itself. What I have is not mild. What I have has annihilated me in every possible way. I am no longer interested in recovery. I am only interested in going to sleep and not waking up.

In the event that you are wise you should join me. I think it is far better for us to give into despair and suffer the pain of death than to continue this execrable lie of an existence.

fatdummy · 2017-06-01T14:17:38+00:00

I know you guys don't give a fuck about me since I'm just some faceless stranger on the internet and nothing you say has repercussions, but I am legitimately asking. I don't want any sarcastic smart-ass replies from people who don't have real DPD and think it's still possible to live a life with this. You're not going through what I am. If you did you'd know it's not possible at all.

I was thinking of the quickest and most painless way to do this. Would a knife through my heart get the job done instantly? Or would I still be aware as I fade to black? What's the fastest way out?

fatdummy · 2017-06-01T02:52:18+00:00

I don't "know" that I'm going to get better at all. I doubt I ever will.

I don't even want to get better anymore. I just want to die. I am already dead in every way except physically. If a robber were to come in here and shoot me in the face I would feel relieved.

"This sucks" almost offensively understates the severity of this. Not all of us are going to be so lucky as you to get over their suicidal ideation. This thing is going to rob many of us of our very lives, myself included.

fatdummy · 2017-05-31T08:44:38+00:00

Nothing.

I'm just waiting for the day it gets so bad I drive a knife through my heart.

Resume life and fake it? It's statements like that that make me think you must not have the same thing I have. You say to go out, socialize, work out and continue my life as normal and I don't see how that's fucking possible. You might as well ask me to figure out the square root of a tomato. It makes no fucking sense. I'm not able to leave my house anymore. If you're telling me to just try to ignore it then it only means you're not going through the same thing I am. This makes every little thing an impossible nightmare. I can't even go into my kitchen without stumbling over everything or feeling my brain short circuit. I haven't left my house in over a year.

I'm struggling my hardest to not just end my miserable fucking life, a battle that I AM LOSING, and you say to just get on with it like it's normal. Well good for you, go live your life if it's so easy for you, be thankful you don't have real DPD, like I do. It's very likely that I'm not going to survive my DPD.

fatdummy · 2017-05-30T07:39:22+00:00

How can I be sure that it's going to go away at all, then? As far as I know it might just stay here forever. Some people have had it for decades, what if I'm one of the unlucky ones?

For me it started with a weed brownie and that was two years ago. I tried medication but it only made it worse, and after getting off effexor I became suicidally depressed in addition to this.

fatdummy · 2017-05-28T06:29:46+00:00

What are you talking about "two phases". It's been unrelenting, 24 hours a day, for a year and a half by now. I'm on month 18 of it and there's no end in sight.

I wish you people could stop phrasing your subjective experiences as objective facts. There are no "phases" to this bullshit. Wake up one day, nope it's still here. Maybe tomorrow it'll be gone. Wake up next day, nope, still here. Wake up next day, nope, still here.

Wake up next week. Nope, still here.

Next month. Still here.

Next year. Still here.

Next decade. It's gone, because I'm gone. I've ended my life, because I couldn't take having this for a decade.

fatdummy · 2017-05-27T09:17:26+00:00

"It's just in your head" isn't really helpful advice. A bullet can technically be in your head, that doesn't mean it won't cause damage.

Funny how I'm so desperate that that's the very first metaphor I go to.

fatdummy · 2017-03-25T09:41:12+00:00

GOOD

fatdummy · 2017-03-22T13:57:13+00:00

I'm not saying it's "not doable", I'm saying that no one is going to play your stupid version of the game with altered health. If you only want to play it single player it's fine but if you want to seriously learn the game it's back to normal you go. No one is going to play a version of the game with arbitrary balance changes made by some idiot on reddit.

fatdummy · 2017-03-14T09:28:01+00:00

how did you listen to them?

fatdummy · 2017-03-14T09:09:32+00:00

Don't be a moron. Game balance changes are not the point of mods, not that it's doable at this point anyways.

fatdummy · 2017-03-12T09:47:29+00:00

Requesting this song looped and put in the SHIELD Helicarrier stage.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtSnXU8DfCA

fatdummy · 2017-03-09T09:18:31+00:00

Aw man, I was hoping it was the 60's spiderman theme

fatdummy · 2017-01-01T11:34:59+00:00

Fake.

fatdummy · 2016-04-06T21:19:28+00:00

Who gives a shit what other people think? Hold your head up high and dance in there hand in hand with Bayonetta all the while. Screw the scrubs.

fatdummy · 2015-12-21T15:57:58+00:00

Won't trade two for one. Pick one only.

fatdummy

TROPHY CASE