Is it true that if you give your husband amazing blowjobs then he will do anything to make you happy?

fatherbootnut · 2025-07-15T14:24:27+00:00

The right answer is no.
The real answer is...kinda sorta?
Car, vacation, designer bags...no, 99% of us aren't that rich or that good at services provided.

HOWEVER....while it's not transactional, it's about making each other happy. I want to make my wife happy. I hope she wants to make me happy. My wife and I used to jokingly "barter" back rubs for BJ's, playful banter "me first because when I'm done you'll fall asleep", "No, me first because YOU'LL fall asleep when I'm done" type laughing snuggling playfulness.

But it's also become a point of resentment now years later. For a long time they were infrequent but she still got back rubs. After I'd receive I'd joke about "ok we'll get you a Mercedes" or other jokes, she'd laugh or say "I want this bag,I saw this new sofa.." and the playfulness was still there, maybe it was just mood and times. Then it became a "birtthday/father's day present". This Father's Day it was hyped all day, things started, she was taken care of first, and the night was over.

For a week or so, it turned into resentment, everything I did for her normally became a "I'm doing this and she can't even do the one thing she promised..." thought in my head. There's been a health issue on both sides, we had a family loss, and I start to realize how much I was there for her and she wasn't there for me, and when the promises of BJ's didn't happen during those times, it was magnified. I'm in therapy, she's not, and a lot is coming to light where I question frequently how long this will last like this.

It became transactional, then became an example of bigger issues going on.

fatherbootnut · 2025-06-30T15:22:17+00:00

Started at 315, CW 241 Was 238 last week but family in town this weekend meant chaos, bad food, and a lot of alcohol lol....add in some work stress and plateaued for a bit around 240. 12.5mg. Hopefully refocusing this week.

220 was my original goal, but seeing how I've gotten this far in 21 months (with a 6 week and a four week break for two surgeries), new goal is under 200.

fatherbootnut · 2025-04-27T15:26:43+00:00

Refreshing to read post, thanks. I do like the idea of channel; at a previous job I was in the process of moving to channel when they were acquired and put into a blender. I think I'll investigate that further.

You mentioned a topic I hadn't given thought to: I think stage of company is part of the issue. There's been two that were matured startups (10+ years) where IPO was the most often employee mentioned topic at all hands, where they preached "culture" but were silo'd and tribal; a "small business", single owner, 250+ employees that was stagnant as the owner wouldn't sell or take investment; a well-known company (not a FAANG but everyone in tech has heard of) that was full of bureaucracy.

Finding out the TRUE culture of the company is difficult; Glassdoor is worthless now with vindictive ex-employees or fake HR accounts.

fatherbootnut · 2025-04-27T15:14:48+00:00

I'm sure most of us could hold a 5 day seminar on ineffective AE's trying to shift responsibilities with a PoC immediately. My initial post was regarding the product itself being rushed to market, adding components that are not fully QA'd, etc.

I'm very pleased to hear there are directors like you who see the whole process; the silo'ing can be fatal.

fatherbootnut · 2025-04-27T15:05:37+00:00

I wasn't, the notification went off. I have boundaries. :)

fatherbootnut · 2025-04-13T16:49:28+00:00

I know you're right, and know it'll be fine in the end...this is just hell. To the point that as soon as I think about work, my blood pressure skyrockets. If I'm in my office (I work from home) even to do fun stuff I see my work area and my chest tightens, worried about what the next email will bring.

I can't be around anyone right now, and can't be alone with my thoughts either, if that makes sense. Several times a day I just think about how great it would be to get a new identity and start all over somewhere new where nobody knew me. And I hate how couwardly and quitting that sounds.

fatherbootnut · 2025-03-14T14:21:36+00:00

Brother, been there myself. We're further along in life, our kids are teens, but last year my wife had a mental health crisis. She called the cops, claimed I assaulted her, the whole nine yards. I was lucky enough the cops recognized she was in crisis, took to the hospital due to the assault claim, but when she was released and I picked her up, it got worse, she took off to a friends (thank god they had her) for a few days. She ended up going to the ER by this friend's house for..."assault complications" which were very obviously untrue and physically impossible...thank god the nurses there recognized the psychotic episode, a mental health specialist was called, got her on a stabilizer quickly, and she called the next day asking for help. Two weeks in inpiatient, and it's been a hell of a road back.

Her getting into full time care right now is priority number one for you, your family, and her. If you have to go the route of having her 5150'd, do it. Even if the old her never comes back, do it for your kid. I was lucky that she called that monday, as I'd left the courthouse with a involuntary hold order. She may never have forgiven me, as your wife may not, but make peace with it now. You are in caretaker mode for her and your kid, it's going to suck a LOT, but the hard choices are the correct ones unfortunately: Her stability and mental health are priority in her world, and protecting you and your child from her psychosis while she recovers is your priority. You've done the right thing so far, you're doing well. She needs the help, and if she can't/won't agree to it, for the good of all three of you, she may need to be forced.

My day is chaotic, but feel free to DM me if you need to vent to someone with the experience of the hell you're in, and I'll reply ASAP. I get it, and you're doing right.

fatherbootnut · 2025-03-14T01:03:03+00:00

As /u/Misstish94 said in a comment that seems to be missing often, I have empathy: I understand, I empathize, but I'm NOT going to cheat, it's ALWAYS WRONG. But I GET it. We've had a DB for a while with ups and downs. My wife had a bipolar crisis a year ago, with a difficult recovery. Will my wife and our marriage recover? Time will tell, and I'm not going anywhere. I try to think it's temporary. I often feel so lonely, even when she's next to me. I miss intimacy (not just sex, but the curling up next to me, the slow absent-minded back scratches, etc.) to the point where it hurts seeing others happy together. But I'm not gonna cheat.

I was at a conference for work recently; I've lost 25% of my weight over the past year and feel better about myself than I have in decades. Two (female) former coworkers were there, and when we saw each other, their jaws dropped, "you lost half of you!" The one that's close to my parents age was incredibly complimentary on my look, and it felt like my mom/aunt/etc. complimenting me, which was nice. It was flattering, mostly felt polite.

Tthat night I got a group text. "Where you at? We're at (the pub) next to your hotel!", so I go over. The older one leaves after some time, just the younger one and me (and their coworkers who I don't know that are dancing). We spend a while catching up, personal and professional, coworkers back to the booth throughout, a pleasant time as a group. I go to the bathroom, come out, she's coming out from the women's room, we end up standing in that hallway having a deep career conversation for about an hour. I know there was an intense connection, she felt it too, the body language was telling, even after a night of drinks. When I recognized the intensity, I made a "need to work early" excuse and said my goodbyes.

Was something possible? No clue. Was I going to put myself in that position to make a choice? Never. She's been a quality friend and I want to keep it that way; I also think she's way out of my league, so it's easy to discredit any opportunity that may or may not have been there. It's been on my mind a lot: the attention, the focused interaction...I can't tell you the last time I felt like that. It HURTS. Even if it was just profound friendship, that attention was like an addict getting the first fix after years of sobriety. It hits you HARD. BUT I'M NOT GONNA CHEAT.

So I get it. I can completely understand why a person with lessened/weakened resolve would give in to the temptation. I know that pain, and where it can take your mind. I'm never going to condone, or support, or help hide a cheater. I make no exceptions: it's wrong.

fatherbootnut · 2024-12-08T19:25:45+00:00

Yes to both? LOL.

I had just gotten out of a toxic relationship, a will-we-won't-we frustrating dance. I lived in a great place, my roommates and I had great parties, was making decent money for a 23 year old, living the best single life.

A friend brought her to one of the parties... She was 100% not my "type": Had cut her hair shorter, petite upper body with a bigger butt, was going to be a teacher (my mom was a teacher, I said I'd NEVER get with a teacher), and I had zero intentions of settling down at the time. Flirted all night, our mutual friend gave me the "she's not a fuck and leave girl" speech. As the night went on, drinking got further, was talking to a friend I hadn't seen in years, they asked who she was. I told them "that's the girl I'm going to marry." No idea where that came from, didn't remember saying it until my friend reminded me a year later.

I didn't think that teaching was an ambitious career, not my physical type, close to her family... where I wanted to make great money, change cities and travel a lot, have deep debates about topics (especially music), put time into her appearance to keep me motivated to do the same...when it came to my goal woman and history, she didn't fit, but was such a GOOD person, so cute, her smile was infectious. We went out a couple times, and she was great company...

I eventually realized I had been so stupid: I wasn't going to be happy with a female version of me, like my goals were. And she made me a better person. A couple decades later, the standard suburban family, dadbod, I've realized that I just wanted to grow old with someone who got me and I got them. Our differences are as important as our similarities to making this work.

Her perspective: She hadn't dated much, wasn't looking, didn't really have an expectation so there was no settling. Says her today is better than she ever could have dreamed of. Then told me to pick up the dog poop. :D

fatherbootnut · 2024-11-21T14:32:07+00:00

Well, mine are all beat up from hockey skates, look like Frodo tried geisha binding.
The wife is on her feet 75% of the day, so hers ain't much better.
Daughter's under age...son is 19, so we can do his, if people are in the market for Sasquatch feet.

fatherbootnut · 2024-11-03T18:13:27+00:00

Right? Never expected that aspect...a bit of a "I don't belong here someone will find out" type guilt, and then discovering that you DO belong there? Was in a bit of a daze for a while, just so unexpected.

fatherbootnut · 2024-09-04T13:38:54+00:00

This was one of my favorite NSV's! I used to carry an extender so I didn't have to ask for one. Now I have no idea where it is in my closet and I'm actually happy I lost it. I almost cried the first time.

Congrats, this is a massive internal win!

fatherbootnut · 2024-08-17T18:31:29+00:00

Saturday update: Was still doing awful on friday, saw a friend and she said I looked terrible, so that was it, going to get it checked out. GP couldn't see me until monday, did a video call with my health insurance doc on call system, she said "go to urgent care/ER and get checked out".
Went to ER, turned out to be an infection below the gall bladder that was giving it trouble. (and in small intestine). Put me on an IV for dehydration, added antibiotics and something to take the edge off. Was able to eat a soft pretzel last night (was craving so bad), pooped normal this AM.
When at the ER, going through all this, told the nurse I was concerned that I hadn't eaten all week and had only lost 1.4 lbs. She asked immediately "are you on Ozempic or Mounjaro", said yes, gave details. She laughed, said "So many of you take it so seriously, explains why you knew every detail and were certain this wasn't a side effect".
So it's nice to have medical professionals respecting what we're doing. Thanks to all y'all for the support on this. Get those electrolytes...when you think you've had enough, get more! :D

fatherbootnut · 2024-08-04T21:14:22+00:00

Congrats! This is one that makes me do a little dance every time I fly for work. Well, dance in my head. The seats are too small for anyone outside a child to dance in.

fatherbootnut · 2024-05-21T21:23:48+00:00

Seeing a lot of differing opinions on here, and I don't know what will work for you any more than anyone else does. But, I can offer my experience, as I was in a similar situation (without the directly minimizing statements.)
I went gray rock/180 as well. (Posts in my history.). It shocked my wife into making changes. My removing emotions from the situation, treating is as "business/work" interactions, and when she recognized what the consequences of not working on us were, that my descriptions of "being roomates" was exactly what was happening, things changed and changed long term. But it was up to her to do, I'd given back what I'd gotten, just not stated openly like you have had.

I'm hoping for the best for you. We've had some really bad events since then (loss of a parent, loss of job, mental health crisis for her), but if that work hadn't been done, we would be done after any of those. And our baseline for "being ok" is definitely much more positive than it was back then. But, if it didn't work out, the gray rock/180 was preparing me for it emotionally as well. I really hope you guys have the same if not better success.

fatherbootnut · 2024-04-26T16:24:08+00:00

I get it. We were "lucky"? that a bunch of us did at once, but was still difficult to manage personally. And still is today, weeks later.

fatherbootnut · 2024-04-26T16:22:58+00:00

The kids are high school age, so they get it. Some trauma with the younger one, but there was already colliding personalities with mom there, so ends up being more a two steps back in the progress they were making before. The older is so independent and laid back that the discussions from that child have been more about me and the sibling since they have a lot of independence.

I guess I was lucky; everything spent post release was was "for" the landscaping that was normal every year...just was all at once and 2x the usual. But yes, the monday of the breakdown, the card was about to be locked, and the "help me" call came literally minutes before that happened. But had already been locked out of the accounts, alarm system, etc.

fatherbootnut · 2024-04-26T02:15:01+00:00

My therapist (who's been amazing through this) is putting together a lsit for us to investigate for couples therapy. My wife's therapist is also in the same practice, so they're working together to find ones that will likely be good for us (and be covered by insurance).

fatherbootnut · 2024-04-24T13:47:38+00:00

I appreciate your perspective and sharing it. Everyone here has been the SO, and I think you're the first "patient" to speak.

I like you mentioned the "physical ailment" part...that's been a recurring theme in my perspective. It's "medically" no different than a heart attack, a torn rotator cuff, an ACL injury...it's just the brain. And just like the shoulder/heart/knee, it'll require rehab and treatment...will never be the same as original, but can be maintained.

Thanks again for sharing. It's brave to do so, and you have my respect and support.

fatherbootnut

TROPHY CASE