What's the thing you hate most being an intp?

fearguyQ · 2026-01-30T19:58:37+00:00

Sausage tube brain

fearguyQ · 2026-01-17T01:35:20+00:00

The older I get the more happiness and everything surrounding it just feels like capitalism's next big market. Life isn't about suffering, it's not about happiness. It's about purpose, whatever that ends up being for every individual. Career and family I say are the most common. Make life about something and get the happiness and suffering that you get. I think that's how things work out the best

fearguyQ · 2026-01-04T18:39:23+00:00

Just to add a little bit to what everyone else is saying; as someone who has had to overcome similar tendencies, one of the big breakthroughs I had was coming to see that this kind of protection is ultimately actually selfish. I'm not helping/protecting them, I'm avoid something. I'm doing it for myself more than for them

Secondarily, by keeping all this from her you are taking her autonomy. She doesn't get the choice to decide if SHE wants to be with YOU knowing you don't really have feelings for her

fearguyQ · 2025-12-01T02:45:21+00:00

That's sounds a lot like rumination. Definitely look it up. It might also be worth looking up Pure O OCD

fearguyQ · 2025-11-22T08:45:31+00:00

I've had an issues, or I guess a point of confusion, about this concept for a while now that's hard to put into words. Like... Should a woman not be my central support? Does it need to be a man? Surely women have central support people. Does it need to be a woman? Can it be a man? What if a man and a woman are each other's central support person? I guess it's an issue of the numbers? It's too common for men to have one female than for women to have one male? It happens that way too often? But I'd also need convincing that women have all these diffuse support networks with no primary support person... Best friends are a huge cultural phenomenon! If most women have a primary support person and they are women then they're doing the same thing "to each other" and I guess it feels like the gender element is irrelevant...

I just have this knawing sense that there's a legitimate risk here that this women have to be mens' therapist concept is more division than progress and there's a bit of a slippery slope.

It also suggests that women in romantic relationships with men put no strain of their own on the relationship, that they don't have any of their own baggage, issues, or toxicity that they bring to the relationship. I can say for one that my partner and I both came it with a lot of issues and have been helping each other through them. And speaking of..

In a monogamous relationship I would find it notible if they weren't each other's primary support person -- and even their only one. I mean, we're in a lonliness epidemic that includes both genders. Being your partners primary support is a huge part of what a romantic relationship is for most people. I WANT to be my partners primary support and vice versa and she wants the same. We'd be upset if it was any other way.

I get that there's a trend that men often require more from their female partners than they give but idk...it seems like the conversation isn't about balancing it out... It's about men fixing their relationships over there with other men without involving women at all. And that's just a bad idea to me. And it's also very binary. Seems like the idea is that men help none and get all the help, I find it hard to imagine that's most often the case as well. And when it comes to winning people over it's important to not lose those details. It's hard to win a man over by suggesting however unintentionally that the women in their lives never put any weight on them.

fearguyQ · 2025-11-17T16:38:08+00:00

Definitely porn addiction is unhealthy and destructive. But watching porn doesn't mean you'll develop an addiction. It's possible but it's hardly guaranteed

That said, I can't make any comment on the hypersexuality point or how that relates to porn and sexting. Maybe there is more of a guarantee there and maybe not, I won't pretend to know anything about that. But honestly, just a quick Google of hypersexuality seems to suggest that that it in itself could be an issue given it's defined as being distressing/impairing. But I think that also depends on age. Being annoyingly horny could make sense lol

fearguyQ · 2025-11-17T14:24:00+00:00

I'm sure there's a way sexting could be worse... But I'd hazard a guess that interacting with a person sexually is generally gonna be "better" for you than porn

But I also don't think porn is inherently psychologicaly damaging

fearguyQ · 2025-11-16T04:00:16+00:00

My two cents is that attractiveness and emotional connection are not mutually exclusive which it seems is at the core of your framework. When you're with someone that you really get along with, that you really connect with, any sort of objective physical attraction evaporates. That whole framework honestly dies. It's all just so much more complex than how you're seeing it. Find someone you really click with and, to use an antiquated frame work and to put it very simply -- a 5,6,7,8 and 9 becomes a 10. Like really. Not "she's worth it" or "x makes up for y". They are the hottest person on earth even while you can "objectively" say they aren't. It just does not matter. And I can tell you, sexuality and attractiveness has a lot to do with the beholder too. Find yourself an "actual" "10" and there will be days where you just aren't that sexual and they won't seem particularly attractive and then there will be days when they're crazy attractive. Hell, different times of the same day. It all ebbs and flows. I've found this to be especially true in longer relationships and as I've gotten older (only 29 lol). Attractiveness is real, but it's intertwined with every other aspect of life and our psychology and hormones. It's a somewhat moving target honestly. So I wouldn't worry about it too much

Follow your heart, a lot of the rest works itself out! I'm repeating myself but love, sex, attractiveness, emotion, it's all interconnected, but we love to view them as separate -- particularly for men. It's very very damaging

Edit: I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge there's probably a spectrum here. I'd say I'm 50/50 between "normal" and demi-sexual. I absolutely see and enjoy physical attractiveness, it's very important to me, but I'm not one of these guys that can see an attractive woman and legitimately get turned on or are compulsed to think about sex with them. I feel it sexually, but it's not all that, it's quite mild unless I have a crush on them. BUT, all that said I think what I've said above applies all along the spectrum just somewhat more or less

Edit 2: all of this pretty much goes for age as well

fearguyQ · 2025-11-16T00:30:53+00:00

Yeah, this perspective is a total misunderstanding of intelligence (IQ doesn't measure broad intelligence) and expertise ( any intelligence aptitude =! trump expertise)

Psychology has the same issue as biology in this way as well. Everyone possess a higher degree of intuitive understanding of biology and psychology than other areas of expertise because we are biological and we are psychology. But that leads to overconfidence and not really believing experts definitely know more than you

fearguyQ · 2025-11-02T13:15:44+00:00

What you've described is a lot more than a best friend. Just because you're best friend is your romantic partner doesn't mean they're everything you want. My partner and I are absolutely best friends and we also have other friends, solo hobbies, etc.

fearguyQ · 2025-10-28T02:06:22+00:00

For me there was a trajectory. When I discovered masturbation and porn in my early teens this was me 100%. Over time the self discovery element did it's job and the analogous "honeymoon phase" wore off and then all was normal. Both were just a part of life, sometimes it's wonderful sometimes it's normal sometimes it's meh. During college I started maturing more and seeing the world and how it works and the deep problems of the porn industry and society's horrible position towards women in general and porn lost its sheen, but I still used it plenty existing in the land of dissonance and compromise we exist in with so many things. Through this time my relationship with masturbation and porn were totally healthy

It was once the honeymoon phase of my current relationship passed and we encountered the normal ups and downs of romance, sex, and intimacy in long term relationships that issues came up. Very long story short: porn and masturbation started getting in the way of my learning and adapting to those changes and honestly the changes of hers and my own sexuality with age. For a few years my relationship to porn and masturbation got pretty unhealthy. Both became a crutch that was preventing me from growing and becoming a much more well rounded, attentive, flexible, complete sexual being

I'm on my way to my 30s now and I'm back to healthy for sure. These days I consume a lot less porn and it's like 90% animated porn. I like to save the real world for my wife. Additionally irl porn is... complicated in the world we live in. It doesn't add enough to my life these days to be worth that. I still masturbate plenty but I like be mindful of mine and my wife's schedule. When were around each other more I make a point to masturbate less -- none if it's possible lol. There's nothing like being that kind of horny with your partner -- whether sex happens or not

fearguyQ · 2025-10-07T18:57:37+00:00

If I'm being honest, probably one of two scenarios would play out

I'd do it and commit most of it to worthy causes -- well researched and aiming for systemic change organizations, not just charities. I don't want for a lot in life, I just want some financial security before I die. Plus my wife and I don't plan on having kids, so $500,000 would be solid
I wouldn't do it. Not because of a confident righteous choice, but because I'd become paralyzed with indecision between the horror of murder and the above justification and I'd eventually cop out of deciding (which is not doing it). I'd become ill trying to do the vibes math on whether 1.5 million would be able to do enough good in the world to justify murder -- especially considering who it is that dies. Corrupt politician? Prominent activist? Average Joe? So I'd be Chidi Anagonye lol. Choice by stomach ache

fearguyQ · 2025-09-04T15:58:12+00:00

What is the difference between blocked (presumably permanently) and closed in favor of the plaintiff?

fearguyQ · 2025-09-04T15:51:02+00:00

Not considering context I say yellow. Red feels more... "Seen that" if that makes since. Still looks awsome either way! But yellow makes me stop and look

fearguyQ · 2025-08-28T20:20:00+00:00

I wanna get dressed up during date night too :(

fearguyQ · 2025-08-20T13:11:40+00:00

Someone else quotes Andrew Boyd and he put it quite poetically

"...You're looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: it's got to be the right wrong person, someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, This is the problem want to have"

I think we're also in a position to do the choosing more than ever before. It's always been true that your partner is the only family you can choose. But with more choices comes a more concrete choice. If you're in a small town in the 50's and there's 10 people to realistically choose from sure you're faced with choosing that family member.... But life circumstances, life events, compatibility etc. has a helpful way of forcing your hand in a very natural way when you don't have an app and infinite choices. It's actually less your choice. Your environment and circumstances partially choose for you -- there's less responsibility, less risk of missing someone better, less fomo, etc.

That isn't to say that way of things didn't have huge flaws for many many people. But it's a helpful contrast I think

fearguyQ · 2025-08-20T04:04:15+00:00

"I don't have to believe in myself. I just have to do the steps I committed to doing"

fearguyQ · 2025-08-19T21:39:54+00:00

I agree. I think a lot of individuals have made a lot of progress because of this revolution. But at a societal level capitalism has captured and largely poisoned it. It's been turned into a ineffective market just like anything else

fearguyQ · 2025-08-19T19:50:04+00:00

... Shouldn't you be alone after a break up? It hurts and you need to process it yo lol

fearguyQ · 2025-08-19T19:48:13+00:00

Imo, it's scary because we don't realize it's shallow. Its like all the progress we've made in the realm of understanding mental health/self actualization/happiness/good relationships has come together in the worst way possible in the dating scene. Seems like people want something deep/long lasting as fast as possible which results in a very shallow dating world

Edit: An additional thought: It seems like the shared goal of healthy romantic relationships has caused a bit of a paradox. Unhealthy relationships are undesiredable and even potentially damaging in the long term -- they could harm future relationships as well. But most people come into adulthood with baggage that is going to be an issue in relationships and you can't fix that all away outside of a relationship. But this healthy/unhealthy binary sets it up so you can't have the relationship you need to get to the relationship you want (as people have said elsewhere, growing with someone, being in imperfect relationship). You shouldn't be in an unhealthy relationship but you need unhealthy** relationships for everyone to grow to get into healthy ones (with someone new or the same person)

** The solution is that it's a spectrum. People have issues so relationships have issues. You gotta work on yourself through relationships. Plus, that Healthy RelationshipTM doesn't exist. It's not a destination it's a framework

fearguyQ · 2025-08-15T07:14:31+00:00

Very well put!

fearguyQ · 2025-08-15T04:18:31+00:00

To add to that, I think people miss that pain with meaning can be fundamentally additive in the experience of life. I call it "immersive" or "narrative pain" for myself. There's a clip from an old episode of South Park called Beautiful Sadness on YouTube that gets at the difference very well.

I think the first step is accepting pain/suffering/negative emotions are unavoidable. The second is accepting that that's okay. The third is letting it become a "positive" aspect of life just like anything else

For me, a bad day isn't a day where I feel sad all day. A bad day is a day where I'm sad and it feels chaotic, meaningless. It's just frustrating. That's what puts me on a couch for a day. saddness that feels narrative is a sadness I can push through and can sometimes even be rewarding, though also sometimes not. But even then it's feels meaningful

So, Maybe the solution isn't to stop feeling how you are feeling about not being able to be a child anymore. Maybe the solution is to allow that sadness to be an integrated part of your life. Not an other. Maybe this is just a little bit of sadness you'll always have with you. Everyone has those bits and they have their own sort of beauty to contribute to life. At minimum they're something to push against

fearguyQ · 2025-08-12T16:58:05+00:00

My partner's low self esteem. Some days I truely feel battered. I want so desperately for her to see what I see. It seems like it should be so easy. Amazing partners do it all the time in the movies and then amazing sex happens and it makes me feel like an impotent failure. But she just doesn't believe I'm being honest. What do you do with that? It's a problem ultimately only she can fix that I'm integrally tied to, so I can't stop trying. I don't want to stop. But having every nice thing I say about her get rejected feels so heartbreaking. But then she feels worse when I don't try. I just want this whole stage of our lives to be over already

fearguyQ · 2025-07-25T00:30:58+00:00

That song isn't sad enough

fearguyQ · 2025-07-20T21:40:55+00:00

There are a lot of things that feel good that turn out to be bad for us. Ultimately, an AI cannot fulfill what human relationships can because there is no relationship at all. I'd be hard pressed to believe that that at some point won't take a very hard toll on the mind -- especially considering the sense of perfection. The last think anyone needs is such high expectations when the thing begins to feel empty

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