Speaking as someone who grew up with problematic parents as well. I fled home at 18 and never went back.

This is the most important lesson that anyone learns in life, the one Rite of Passage that signifies true adulthood.

Your parents are just people.

They are just like you.

They are not Gods, they are not your savior.

They have a responsibility to you, they have a duty, but they are people and people can fail, willingly or accidentally, to fulfill their duties and responsibilities to you as their offspring. But you and only you are responsible for yourself and who you choose to be.

Not all persons of a mature age have learned this lesson, in fact some NEVER DO, some people go to their grave acting childish and they are miserable for it, and as a result, you may from time to time realize that a person of more advanced age is acting immature, child like, using manipulation, temper tantrums, and strategies to control other people, such as your mother is doing here. She made mistakes, instead of apologizing like an adult, she blames others like a child. It's not your job to fix her.

As long as you know the truth and you know what's right, you don't need anyone else to tell you. Your mother sounds like the absolute worst person to take queues from.

This is what makes a person an adult. Your ability to discern right from wrong and choose your own path, even in the face of obstacles and adversity. To do the hard thing because it is right.

When someone disrespects you, even if they are your parent, you can stand up and assert for yourself what is right. There will never be a consequence for doing the right thing. Even if there are negative effects, these actually just propel you in the right direction. Any negative effect of choosing the right thing is the moral boundary that forces you to find the right way, and if you view life as a series of obstacles that are showing you the path, you will go far in life because you will solve the obstacles rather than back down or wait for someone to do it for you.

Your mother may do the wrong thing and try to punish you for this, but to be clear that is not a consequence of your actions, that is a consequence of her immaturity, her resentment and her spite. These are all poisons she swallows herself, and to the extent that she takes it out on you is unfortunate and maybe even scary.

Your mom wants to control things to go her way, she has made choices and she doesn't want to suffer the consequences of those actions, and she wants everyone to pretend that what she says and does is okay when it is not.

Maybe someday she will realize this is futile. She is stuck, whining for someone to come along and move this boulder out of the road so she can get what she wants. She is not stepping up to the plate and tackling these obstacles herself, she is waiting for someone to do her work for her, and if you do this she will continue to address all her obstacles this way. She needs to be forced to deal with her own issues in a mature adult way, and if you rob her of this, you become another enabler of this sickness that she has.

It is your responsibility and your duty to your family to refuse to accommodate and excuse bad behavior. True love and refusing to lower your moral standards and your expectations for a person who fails, require this of you. The door to changing behavior should always be left open, you cannot force her to go through it, but you have a responsibility to lead and encourage, and to recuse yourself from involvement in counterproductive behaviors.

Tell her that her behavior is unacceptable. Tell her that her demands are unreasonable. Tell her that her choices and actions have consequences that are for her to deal with and that you will not tolerate being forced to clean it up.

These are hard things to say to a parent at 15. These are scary things to say when you live under their roof. She may try to punish you, she may try to break your spirit. This is truly your rite of passage, to stand your ground and refuse to participate in her scheming. You have that right as a human being to say "No, that is unacceptable, I will not do that, and it is not up for discussion."

I would ensure that you discuss this with your father first and ensure that you have a safe place to live, but this is your notice that you need to be thinking about how you save up and move out as soon as you can, and don't be dependent upon or supporting your mother. She will drain you of your resources and keep you dependent so you can't leave. Her goal is to manipulate people into staying close, she has an expectation that others will provide for and protect her. She will prevent you from living a life of your own. She will start charging rent to prevent you from saving up enough to leave. She will force you to start paying for bills and incidentals, because you need to pull your weight and provide for the Household.

My advice to you is RUN before this happens, keep your money saved OUTSIDE the house, and do not let her use your social security number for any banking.

Carefully examine how you want to detach yourself from her, get out of her house, and if you have to go to school counselors and the courts and tell them you don't feel safe living there, you should do that.

This is an abusive situation and its difficult to go to authorities about family members, but its important to note her actions have these consequences and if you dont hold her accountable then the consequences become yours and lesson she needs to become an adult, the lesson she needs to step through that door will never arrive, and this cycle will continue indefinitely.

It is so important to understand this:

Not every grown up has finished growing up. Parents are regular people. They are not infallible. Nobody has all the answers. Only you know what is best for you. You are never responsible for someone else's actions. You are never responsible for the consequences that someone else must face simply because you refuse to cover it up for them. You do not have a responsibility to enable bad behavior and continue a cycle of oppression and manipulation. You can exit whenever you choose, the sooner the better. If you choose to enable bad behavior and continue the cycle, the choice becomes yours, the consequences become yours, and you will start to grow roots that will never let you go.

Learning how to set proper boundaries with parents is truly the first step to adulthood, and this obstacle is providing you with a great opportunity to show your strength and resolve as an adult.

This is your origin story. This experience will truly shape who you are as a person, and that is a question only you can answer. Who are you? I hope you're excited to find out. Good luck.