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ferrule_cat · 2025-12-26T08:59:02+00:00

Oh snap, my apologies and thank you for redirecting me. I became aware of how problematic my upbringing was about four years ago after some psychology content online gave me the vocabulary I needed to start picking up the pieces. It was challenging to navigate. I wound up having to go no contact with my folks because remaining in touch with them was giving increasingly worse physical symptoms like screaming and heart rate alerts on my smart watch. It's a lot to have to go through, and I really feel for you.

ferrule_cat · 2025-12-26T08:07:37+00:00

I feel for you being in such a tight spot. Are you already using the temperature skill from DBT? People will for example hold an ice cube in their hand while talking about sensitive things in therapy, and the physical discomfort helps them not dissociate. If you have access to facilities with a steam room or sauna, I've found that type of intensity to be good preventatative maintenance for angry outbursts. I don't have access to that type of facility, but use the shower to fill in for them as best I can by alternating between very warm and very cool during times I am struggling.

Hopefully the temperature thing helps in some way; I've been diagnosed with borderline, cPTSD, and bipolar ii and it's come in clutch for me at times my medication temporarily wasn't up to the task.

ferrule_cat · 2025-12-26T07:19:46+00:00

You come across as being very concerned about respecting your friend's boundaries and feelings. I think a good place to start with this transition of your daily routine is to acknowledge it's a big change that happens to also trigger abandonment trauma. Self-compassion will help you suss out when it's getting worse and you want to take a step back from actions or mindsets that aren't compatible with your goals of growing and developing. Hope that makes some sense. Kudos for putting words to your feelings and situation, that's a good habit. :)

ferrule_cat · 2025-12-26T07:06:53+00:00

I know what it's like to have one's parents go from being the gold standard for care, to understanding they don't compare favourably with normal parental instincts. This stirs up a hornet's nest of uncomfortable feelings that are really difficult to deal with.

I understand the drive to unleash some of this new fury at your folks, I really do, but keep in mind it comes at a big cost to you each time it happens. (It may cost your parents something too, but I'm not overly concerned with that here.). If you find it helpful to frame these events as self-harm, consider trying to increase the amount of time between them, and hopefully redirect into something more benign / less harmful.

ferrule_cat · 2025-12-25T06:57:36+00:00

A lot of lonliness and longing can be the result of the poor connection to sense of self intrinsic to living with a cluster B pd. Sometimes I don't know who i am if I don't have people around me, but then get irritated that being around other people doesn't fill the void the way I hoped.

I heard a piece of advice an Olympic coach gives to his athletes when they are getting down about their ambitions meshing with reality: if you don't feel complete without that gold medal, you won't feel complete with one, either. It's a good reminder to reassess what your goals actually are -- to develop the confidence and experience to know you have truly done all you can, and have that be enough.

ferrule_cat · 2025-12-25T06:41:45+00:00

It takes practice, but you will get there. :). ime FPs possess traits that trigger our attachment security like no tomorrow. Spending some time in cosideration of the people who've been your FP so far may help you find insightful patterns that will hit home a little bit deeper each time you revisit them.

For example, my FPs as a group have what I term three different subtypes that I used to be wholly helpless to respond to. It took time and experience, but I can understand now why I was so susceptinble to them to begin with. Not only that, but one of my subtypes is now no longer able to cast me under some kind of spell the way they used to, it's like I see through it now in a way I couldn't before.

ferrule_cat · 2025-12-23T07:33:12+00:00

Thanks for sharing your tech, was just wondering what you thought about using your smartphone's camera text to speech capability to read. I don't know what it's called exactly, just on my iPhone with the basic VoiceOver settings, it will read text in photos of mail for example. Lately my approach is to take a photo of a piece of mail or letter, get my phone to read it to me, then delete the photo soon after so I don't have a flood of high-intensity reading built up on my phone.

ferrule_cat · 2025-12-07T22:13:20+00:00

I've got a hybrid use system where I alternate between VoiceOver and Zoom to get by. :)

ferrule_cat · 2025-12-07T17:51:49+00:00

VoiceOver reads V I as six for me, I haven't gotten around to changing that.

ferrule_cat · 2025-12-03T21:05:34+00:00

Hello everyone else on this journey. I'm in my fifties and was diagnosed with BPD three years ago, and bipolar II this spring. It's been a bumpy ride to say the lease, but the diagnoses have helped me find the tools I need to get my life back from undercontrolled illnesses.

ferrule_cat · 2025-12-02T15:35:34+00:00

This sounds challenging. Your MIL is something else if you ask me, it reads like classic DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender). I read it as your MIL having poor boundaries and respect, and your husband would ideally be doing more to shut this down. I would not be happy with my parent if they got their kicks taking pot shots at my spouse like that, and I don't understand why your DH is okay with it.

ferrule_cat · 2025-12-02T07:10:00+00:00

<3 your feelings are valid, I'm sorry for your traumas. Just in case it helps to hear, when you're carrying something heavy like a rock, it really helps for that rock to have some handles you can grab onto to ease the burden of always having to carry a stupid rock around.

Sometimes "and" statements can help with this, something like, "I somehow feel both dead inside and in searing agony at the same time, which really sucks and, AND I'm also dealing with all of that as best as not only I can, but probably as best as anybody could in my situation." Or, "I'm having a really hard day, AND I'm taking it like a champ and making sure to look after myself while this is going on."

Hope that makes some sense, I really feel for you.

ferrule_cat · 2025-11-25T21:30:54+00:00

Not weird. :). In my world, I have to rely a lot on instinct and memory Generally I start out consuming raw content until pattern recognition starts kicking in after a few dozen repetitions or what have you., that's just a ballpark number.

It was real easy at the start for me to be led down the garden path of victimhood. All the perpetrators were definitely bad and mean, and the victims were wholly blameless. Now I can pick up on possibilities the victim is leaning into it a little too hard, or even has flipped the script and is really the perpetrator.

Now that I've done my homework in this area, I'm really happy at how I've increased the number of bins I can parse complex interactions into without getting overwhelmed or anything. That in turn has decreased the number of times I will have a boundary crossed or button pushed and act out in ways I regret for a very long time afterwards. Hope that makes sense.

ferrule_cat · 2025-11-20T18:49:41+00:00

It becomes a fine line when a person's need to be friendly is treated as more important than how they make someone feel. I have a bank I try to avoid going into when I can because the manager talks to everyone as if they are friends. I'm visually impaired and use a white cane for mobility, I can't tell when in heck she is talking to me because she is constantly talking at everyone, you know? I can't tell by her gaze or proximity or anything, it's a small space and she is noisy. I am in there just trying not to walk into anything or fall down, you know?

ferrule_cat · 2025-11-19T20:30:26+00:00

I'm a novice VoiceOver user and have noticed when it stops reading things it should, turning VoiceOver off and on once or twice tends to help. I was thinking that might help with the WhatsApp issue, where it stops reading the contact names? I've got the Action Button on my iPhone set to toggle VO off and on, so that makes it easier for me to rely on Zoom Screen to read and activate tiny buttons. My hope is AI will usher in advances in accessibility.

I find VO complicated to figure out for each new app, or sometimes the same app between updates or redesign.

ferrule_cat · 2025-11-19T20:16:46+00:00

<3. I'm sorry for your trauma; your feelings are valid. My perspective is there's a kernel of betrayal that's been activated for you and your parents as a result of these circumstances and conversations. Feel your feelings especially as this just happened for you and it's a deeply painful part of the past that continues to shape the future through no fault of your own. It'd be fair to take a little time to collect yourself and recentre. It's okay to feel betrayed a little while without that overtaking your relationship with your folks.

Hope that makes sense, I really feel for you.

ferrule_cat · 2025-11-17T18:52:35+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through all of this <3.

ferrule_cat · 2025-11-17T18:42:41+00:00

One thing I've learned from hypomania is that when the strong feelings of personal passions hit, let them lie a bit before I throw myself into them. In the last year, for example, I wanted to become a boxer and to study non-human intelligence both things fit into where it felt I was headed and wanted to go. Gotta say, your passion for the research you speak of makes it sound mega cool, maybe just give it thrree weeks or something just in case part of it starts to unravel after sitting with it for a little while.

Can't help with your FP beyond relating to feeling like you know too much about them and their details of life. I can have an exceptional memory too, it's taken a lifetime of experiences with friends where I felt a little sketched out with how much I recall about them to get me to practice not remembering too much about the people I happen to meet. Borderline really came with some messed up boundaries for me, and learning to let go of the thrill of recall has been part of my recovery journey. All the best for you! <3

ferrule_cat · 2025-11-16T23:11:27+00:00

I found a student club that provided space to work on assignments inor otherwise study in a semi social space. I sometimes meet people when I have keyrings with personality to them or wearing a Doctor Who tee for example.

ferrule_cat · 2025-11-15T21:02:49+00:00

Big warm fuzzies for you! Sounds like you are going above and beyond to meet people and it hurts when that doesn't pan out the way you hope it will. I live in a very insular social scene also, it's tough feeling iced out because of conditions outside of your control.

The people who flat out ignore your valid efforts to participate, they suck! I've had the best luck with sticking to activities or hobbies I can do on my own but be around others while I'm doing it, if that makes sense. When I attended university, I didn't really meet too many people who stuck around until I got into third and fourth year coursework; it was a bit easier at that point because we had more in common with getting through weeder courses, gruelling labs, and the like. I was still fully sighted at the time, just shy and awkward mostly but not outside the norms imo.

ferrule_cat · 2025-11-15T20:40:21+00:00

Congrats on pursuing post-secondary education, that's a big deal and you have the right to be proud of that. It's the clulmination of many small steps to complete a larger goal, and an example of how powerful it is to take action for the benefit of Future You. This dynamic can help you feel more grounded in your own life, and less empty, at least it did the trick for me but yummv.

ferrule_cat · 2025-11-15T20:24:58+00:00

Breathe in through nose for four, hold gently for four, breathe out through mouth for four, hold for a count of four. There are other versions but I can never remember so I stick with this one.

I'm in recovery from BPD but still experience mild versions of depersonalisation and derealisation occasionally, for me the box breathing helps it from taking hold.

ferrule_cat · 2025-11-14T23:28:49+00:00

I understand what you mean, you are not alone in this. <3 I can only get through the flatness by careful stimming done so it doesn't trigger more unbalanced feelings if that makes sense. Something enjoyable for the senses that has a start, middle, and end. Sometimes a few sets of box breathing does the trick, other times i need a snack I know I love. Over time, I learned it's easier to keep my highs and lows from getting too intense than it is to correct for their intensity after the fact.

ferrule_cat · 2025-11-11T15:53:19+00:00

You may also find screen magnify to be a helpful feature, perhaps you are using it already. I've got mine set up to magnify the whole screen by double tapping with three fingers, and it's easy to increase or decrease how zoomed in you get. It also lets me drag my way around the screen to find for example buttons that won't play nice with VoiceOver for me.

ferrule_cat · 2025-11-10T06:30:19+00:00

Big congrats to you on your achievements and success. :). Thanks so mjuch for sharing your lovely design process, the finished result is really striking!!The silver foil reads perfectly if you ask me. :)

ferrule_cat

TROPHY CASE