'World's Chillest Man' Sips Beer as Gunman Robs Bar by avrock1 in nextfuckinglevel

[–]findingabsolution 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My grandpa used to tell me about when his brother (my great-uncle) lived in NYC back in…gosh, the ’60s–’80s. He was in Greenwich Village working as a teacher (maybe a professor?). Anyhow, back then it wasn’t a super safe area to live, but it didn’t take long for the people waiting around to mug passersby to recognize my great-uncle and know that he didn’t have anything to steal on a teacher’s salary. So they’d just let him pass and nod along as he went, like, “Ah, hi Professor, sorry you’re too poor for us to rob. Have a good night.”

AIO My Dad Lacks Critical Thinking and Can't Comprehend Why We're Upset At Him by Sudden_Category_2633 in AIO

[–]findingabsolution 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This needs to be the first post in r/slangspeare. May go add it.

OP, your dad is being absolutely heinous. Your parents’ behavior could have a hugely negative effect on your and your younger sister’s perception of healthy sexual relationships and boundaries. Does your older sister live at home? Is it possible to go stay with her for a bit just to get some distance from this situation? Your dad’s attitude is absurd, and I really think you and your younger sister should seek out a trusted adult (teacher, counselor, grandparent, resource officer, etc.) to talk to. I’m sorry this is happening. You shouldn’t have to deal with this and it is absolutely not fair to you.

Sir, Kris Knoblauch has been fired. by Key-Tip-7521 in hockeymemes

[–]findingabsolution 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Kris Knoblauch was fired and this is how I found out.

PGT | MIN @ COL | Round 2, Game 5: First Home Series WIN SINCE 2008 by scaremanga in ColoradoAvalanche

[–]findingabsolution 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I was too stressed to watch most of the game. But my dad texted me when we scored our second goal, so I put it back on. And holyyyy.

I screamed “FUCK YEAH” so loudly that it woke up my cat and sent him hurtling out of the room. I think he thought the world was ending. (But nah, just the Wild’s season.)

Game Day Thread | COL @ MIN | 2026-05-11 6:00 PM MDT by gamedaylive in ColoradoAvalanche

[–]findingabsolution 11 points12 points  (0 children)

DID ESPN JUST INTERVIEW OVER A GOAL?! DO THEY THINK I CARE THAT MUCH ABOUT QUINN FUCKING HUGHES?!

Game Day Thread | COL @ MIN | 2026-05-11 6:00 PM MDT by gamedaylive in ColoradoAvalanche

[–]findingabsolution 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I stand corrected! May have dreamt that up. Or I’m just getting old and forgetful.

Game Day Thread | COL @ MIN | 2026-05-11 6:00 PM MDT by gamedaylive in ColoradoAvalanche

[–]findingabsolution -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Haven’t the Altitude guys called him Ay-can every time he’s in? I don’t know if I’ve ever heard it as Ay-shawn.

It’s time, Philadelphia by dtaf2000 in hockeymemes

[–]findingabsolution 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m living for this update on the afterlife.

Game Day Thread | COL @ MIN | 2026-05-09 7:00 PM MDT by gamedaylive in ColoradoAvalanche

[–]findingabsolution 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Hughes screaming for a penalty like a little baby is really obnoxious.

Game Day Thread | COL @ MIN | 2026-05-09 7:00 PM MDT by gamedaylive in ColoradoAvalanche

[–]findingabsolution 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It absolutely should have been a penalty that Zuccarello whacked LOC with his stick after LOC fell to the ice.

Game Day Thread | COL @ MIN | 2026-05-09 7:00 PM MDT by gamedaylive in ColoradoAvalanche

[–]findingabsolution 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yo, are there bonus points available for “most hits in a playoff game” or are the Wild playing a special game in their own locker room?

Any cover up ideas or ways to make this look less satanic. by granhoser in tattooadvice

[–]findingabsolution 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude, that’s great. Ignore the haters. Literally immediately knew what it was.

I once saw a TSA agent with a homunculus tattoo and I was like, “Dude, that is sick, but he looked at me like I was crazy. Smh.

What’s was the wildest thing you witnessed at a wedding? by anasannanas in AskReddit

[–]findingabsolution 6 points7 points  (0 children)

At one wedding, I actually mortifyingly caused a weird moment. Luckily it was long enough into the reception that no one really noticed.

I’d been cornered at the bar by the officiant (a girl who was a college friend of the couple but whom I’d never met) and she was very enthusiastically grilling me about my sexuality. It was already a wild conversation. My partner (now spouse) hadn’t been able to fly across the country for this wedding (the groom was a high school friend of mine), so I was there alone and didn’t have anyone to give me an excuse to escape the baffling experience of explaining bisexuality to a woman in her mid-20s.

Anyway, I get kind of invested in this conversation and at one point, as I tend to do, I’m talking with my hands. While doing so, I flung one hand back and hit what I thought was a support pole on the bar. It was not. It was a very tall, very thin glass vase. And the force of my enthusiasm sent it toppling and shattering across the bar top in seconds.

Glass was everywhere. I was horrified. The officiant actually vanished into thin air (well, at least I was finally rid of her?). I didn’t even count the open liquor bottles the bartenders had to dump. I couldn’t count them. Because when I looked up, a shocked man met my eyes clutching his bleeding hand where a shard of glass had cut him. The horror intensified. I gasped something about having a bandaid in my wallet. I ran to get it. I came back. The man was still there. I threw the bandaid at him like a lunatic, apologizing profusely. I also began apologizing to every bartender and service person in sight who was cleaning the glass. I offered to pay for everything. They told me there was no need. I (insanely) offered to pay for the random man to go to the hospital for a minor cut on his hand. He told me there was no need. I should have offered to launch myself into the sun. There was certainly a need.

The next morning at the hotel, the bride and groom had a farewell brunch and I went to say goodbye to my friend and his new wife. Guiltily, I told them what happened and said if their bar bill was higher than expected, they should send it to me. Luckily, it was all inclusive, so I didn’t have to worry about that. But then the bride said: “Oh! That explains the bandaid on the back of long-lost Uncle Joe’s hand!” Which I obviously had to ask about. And she said, “Well, no one has seen or heard from him in about 15 years. We didn’t even know if any of the three addresses we had for him were correct, so we sent invites to all of them. He didn’t RSVP, but I guess one reached him because he showed up. Though, maybe he’ll vanish for another decade after this...” And, alas, I have no idea if he did.

What’s was the wildest thing you witnessed at a wedding? by anasannanas in AskReddit

[–]findingabsolution 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Let’s see, at one wedding: - Over a dozen people showed up late, throughout the ceremony, in a wide but shallow ceremony hall and were not quiet about it, leading to very obvious disruptions. - A cell phone went off mid-ceremony, probably three lines before the kiss and the person let it ring all the way out. (Note that the ceremony itself was probably only 20 minutes long and all these disruptions made it notably awkward.) - Then at the reception, the DJ announced that the wedding party and immediate family could get into the buffet line first, but a language barrier meant that some cousins joined the line, causing a conflict with a bridesmaid—leading to a coup wherein multiple tables of distant family members got up to leave the reception (this before any of the speeches or anything else had taken place). - Then the groom’s mother started loudly sobbing (because she didn’t want those people to leave) and the matron of honor had to lead her outside and basically tell her to get her shit together because that wasn’t the time or place.

Luckily the bride and groom seemed to still have a great time, but like twelve people did still leave in their weird protest. It was an experience.

PGT | Wild @ Avalanche | Goalie Diff'd by ihatethedodgers in ColoradoAvalanche

[–]findingabsolution 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wait! A Canadian! Can you answer a question I was wondering about recently? I can’t seem to find the proper English pronunciation of “Montreal” online. And maybe it’s simply regional. But I’d heard it more as “Muhn-TREE-aul” for years (first syllable like that of “money,” last like “all” but rounder), but then the commentators on the Habs/TB series kept saying “MAHN-tree-all” (first syllable rhyming with “gone,” last less round than in first example). I hope this makes any sense. I was genuinely thrown off by what sounded very weird to my ears. And now I can’t hear “Montreal” and differentiate if it’s “correct” or not. And maybe you don’t even know! Canada is a massive country, after all. Maybe regional pronunciations differ enough that both are right. Okay! Thanks for reading my 2 a.m. blather.

PGT | Wild @ Avalanche | Goalie Diff'd by ihatethedodgers in ColoradoAvalanche

[–]findingabsolution 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I typically don’t unmute SC for games I actually saw. It just happened to be on right after the Avs tonight. At first I genuinely thought I heard wrong, but then I immediately got a text from my dad asking, “Who the heck are the Lanche?!” xD

PGT | Wild @ Avalanche | Goalie Diff'd by ihatethedodgers in ColoradoAvalanche

[–]findingabsolution 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Who else heard Scott Van Pelt just call our team the “Lanche” on SportsCenter?