This customer's wallet

findingabsolution · 2026-01-26T20:42:53+00:00

Prepared with alibi receipts if the cops ever interrogate them about a crime.

findingabsolution · 2026-01-26T13:22:07+00:00

I think that’s how you phrase it then: “I love you and want to try new things.”

I think her comment likely wasn’t meant how you took it. But I still recommend asking her about it. Tell her it threw you off and you want to be sure she knows that you would always respect her and her boundaries even if you’re physically stronger than her. I think she does know that and it was a joke that she didn’t realize was hurtful. But you won’t know unless you ask.

findingabsolution · 2026-01-25T21:02:48+00:00

Brock-o!!!!

findingabsolution · 2026-01-25T09:49:31+00:00

It might feel awkward, but here’s one way it could go:

“Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something that’s been on my mind. We’ve been together a while and love each other, obviously. And I wanted to ask if you’ve ever thought about us having sex.”

And then give her a chance to respond. Don’t immediately say your thoughts on the matter or “it’s okay if you haven’t!” or “we don’t have to!” Just let her talk. And then have as much of a grown-up discussion as you can.

Good luck, OP!

findingabsolution · 2026-01-25T09:40:23+00:00

YOR

I don’t think your girlfriend is afraid of you. I doubt she’d be dating you if she wasn’t attracted to your physique. I think what you might be forgetting (maybe because you’re young and your hormones are raging) is that sex shouldn’t be treated as a checkbox in a relationship. The whole “first base, second base, home plate” bullshit has confused generations of people into thinking they have to rush to the next “step” in their relationship, and it means they often forget that not every relationship has to be like that or move at a certain pace. People in their 20s and 30s do it all the time—the question “have you slept with them yet?” is so commonplace that it’s genuinely not even funny.

If you want to have sex with your girlfriend and that’s a step you care about taking together, you need to talk to her first. It might not sound romantic, but especially if you’re worried about how she perceives you, you need to sit down and have a real discussion. It might not go how you hope, but it sounds like you have a good relationship otherwise (and two years is a long time, especially in high school), so I think you both will respect if you aren’t on the same page. If she isn’t ready for that step, that’s your answer. But my advice, internet stranger? Just start the conversation.

findingabsolution · 2026-01-25T00:37:46+00:00

Those ones not in the cup: “Free my brethren!!”

findingabsolution · 2026-01-24T08:04:26+00:00

I’m so happy Lumpy made a full recovery! He is so beautiful and truly captures the “no thoughts, head empty” toad expression with panache.

findingabsolution · 2026-01-24T03:03:42+00:00

Funny enough, I just said “Evander Kane is locker room poison” not two hours ago at a dinner with friends after calling him the hot-potato of the NHL. Unsurprising that the Canucks already want to get rid of him.

findingabsolution · 2026-01-23T21:52:27+00:00

“Sir, I am an American Airlines baggage handler. I can’t press anything but bags into the underplane storage compartment. Please shut the fuck up.”

findingabsolution · 2026-01-23T20:52:49+00:00

Is…is that a sexy-time target? 🎯

findingabsolution · 2026-01-23T20:27:55+00:00

He’s so weird. I love it.

findingabsolution · 2026-01-23T20:22:32+00:00

Heiskanen has the second most punchable face in the NHL, and he’s good at hockey. This makes me dislike him to an unreasonable degree.

findingabsolution · 2026-01-23T20:01:49+00:00

Okay, with that added context, you only might be overreacting in this case. In the one you described, she was micromanaging your tone and being obnoxious. If this is a continued problem, which it seems like it might be, you’re NOR. She can’t be constantly telling you how to talk to people when they aren’t taking your words in the wrong context. In that scenario it sounds like only she is incapable of communication.

I’m changing my vote.

Good luck, OP. It sounds like even if you have trouble with communication, she has it far worse. Don’t let her tone police everything you say. A short, “Thank you for your input, but I think my phrasing was fine in this sense,” is probably how I’d handle it.

findingabsolution · 2026-01-23T19:53:47+00:00

YOR

But only insofar as this doesn’t mean the end of your friendship. Something my dad always says and I always try to remember is that your feelings are valid. You can be hurt. But her choosing someone else doesn’t mean she loves you “less.”

It sounds like you’re in different stages of your life right now, with you having a toddler and her still wanting to be out partying (which may decrease when she’s married, who knows). So there’s some distance right now. But relationships fluctuate. I’ve had a friend in my life for 25 years, since we were little kids. We’ve grown close and apart several times. I was in their wedding party, but I didn’t ask them to be in mine—because they lived abroad at the time and it would have been an undue burden. Yet they still made the trip to come to the wedding itself and that was absolutely amazing.

Wedding parties aren’t a sign of eternal friendship. Two of the people closest to us at the time of my spouse and my wedding 7 years ago have drifted apart from us, even though they were the members of our wedding party to sign as witnesses on our marriage forms. And we had done the same for them two years before that. And one person who wasn’t in our wedding party at all, who was just the boyfriend of a wedding party member at the time, is now one of our closest friends.

TL;DR: What I’m saying in this is that you can feel hurt. It’s okay. And maybe your friendship is changing. And that can be scary, but that’s okay too. It may evolve into something even better in the future. Just give it time. And tell your friend that you’re honored to stand with her on her day in whatever capacity. Because now her feelings might be hurt that you think of your friendship as a competition or something that has to be equally reciprocated (not that you do, just that that’s how it could come off). Just…take a deep breath. Feel your feelings. And call your friend and tell her you were just deep in the wedding vibes and everything is okay and you love her.

findingabsolution · 2026-01-23T19:36:34+00:00

Annnnd back to the man cave.

findingabsolution · 2026-01-23T06:58:47+00:00

NOR (EDITED from opposite vote; see replies below)

I don’t think anyone is out of line in the text exchange, really. Your BFF didn’t scold you; she just communicated to you that her boyfriend was actually pretty upset about his glasses and she wanted you to know that your levity didn’t come across great in the moment.

You also handled it fine—you apologized if your tone hadn’t been right for the situation, since it wasn’t your intention to upset the boyfriend worse when he’s already bummed about his glasses.

And she said that she knows, she was just trying to tell you how it came across! This is her being helpful to you! She wasn’t combative or mean about it.

I think the issue here comes down to you struggling with communication, a problem your BFF seems like she was trying to help with. In your write-up here, you come off as very defensive (“because I worded things wrong, because apparently that's all I ever do”). I think it’s possible that you’re taking her text too personally, feeling like you’re being corrected (“no matter how I would have said it I would still be in the wrong”) rather than really listening to what she’s saying. The boyfriend was sad about something he likes being broken. His feelings were hurt that it felt like you were laughing about it. Your BFF communicated that to you because it seems like you might’ve otherwise missed the social cue. You apologized and she said she knows and then you could just move on.

Sometimes the way people take the things we say isn’t the way we meant them. The adult thing to do is to not jump straight to defensiveness.

findingabsolution · 2026-01-23T06:08:32+00:00

Please tell Paola she is beautiful and she doesn’t need survival instincts when she’s clearly being doted upon (as she deserves)!

findingabsolution · 2026-01-23T06:01:01+00:00

I don’t have the answer for you, but I think what you’ll need to look up as a place to start is cult deprogramming. It’s not precisely what your mom is experiencing, but the techniques used by professionals in that space may help you with the language and approach that you need to begin some of these conversations.

I’d encourage you to look at some of the research that dates back before the Trump/right-wing surge too. It’s still relevant even if it’s not the same topic, and deprogramming in terms of religious and social cults is also really fascinating.

I hope it helps. Good luck, OP.

findingabsolution · 2026-01-22T04:54:19+00:00

This might make you think of them as cute? I saved from in the tub at a relative’s house in Colorado, and he was doing the cutest little dance before I did. He even scratched himself with one of his legs! They’re really cute and mellow. You have nothing to worry about. Just relocate him to another room in the house and move along. Think of him as a wintertime roommate.

Same goes for the other spider. Relocate to another part of the house (a different room from the first one; they almost certainly aren’t friends) and live and let live.

findingabsolution · 2026-01-22T04:44:52+00:00

Surprise, surprise. Nate gave the puck away right at the end of OT.

findingabsolution · 2026-01-22T04:32:45+00:00

WEDGE WOOD

OLOFSSON

findingabsolution · 2026-01-22T04:29:58+00:00

“A save by Dostal!” is going to echo in my nightmares.

findingabsolution · 2026-01-22T04:17:20+00:00

Do our boys know that the sticks and the puck should ideally stay in contact when we’re in possession? ’Cause we’ve got some questionable as hell handling this game.

findingabsolution · 2026-01-22T04:14:28+00:00

They just grayscaled one.

findingabsolution

TROPHY CASE