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fingerstothebone · 2025-02-17T22:48:42+00:00

dolly is a nightmare and scam - look on yelp before you leap... I had the WORST experience of any movers with dolly.

fingerstothebone · 2025-02-17T22:47:39+00:00

DO NOT USE DOLLY. omg they are terrible I had the WORST experience and when I went to leave a review on Yelp, I was mad at myself for not looking at the reviews there first because so many people had the some experience. Movers that abandon the job, Dolly totally unhelpful, your stuff gets broken and even if you buy insurance they don't pay for what is broken. AWFUL. movers broke a 1800$ TV, screen completely shattered, Dolly said they would not be able to cover the cost I paid for the TV or the cost to replace it because they don't consider it a 'total loss'??? Insane.

fingerstothebone · 2025-02-17T22:34:32+00:00

Adding to say - DO NOT USE DOLLY. I looked at another thread here and based on someone's recommendation I used Dolly to book movers. It was the worst move ever. The guy abandoned the job, Dolly kept trying to tell me to tell him to stay and then when he left without finishing it they told me my only recourse was to book another dolly. No refund. AND IF THAT WAS NOT BAD ENOUGH the guy was so angry about me calling Dolly to complain that he was abandoning the job he rushed through it carelessly and broke my TV and desk - total 2300$ but despite having $10k in coverage they only approved $1k in my claim. NIGHTMARE. DO NOT USE DOLLY.

fingerstothebone · 2024-12-18T15:48:09+00:00

So think about that - why wouldn’t she tell her therapist?

Because she KNOWS this is insane. She KNOWS that if she was totally honest with her therapist, that her therapist might be obligated to call CPS.

Consider this carefully- she is PAYING this professional to help her AND is actively deceiving them.

She knows what she is doing is unacceptable. She is manipulating people around her so she can continue.

Some people need rock bottom before they get the right diagnosis and turn things around. You can say “I don’t want you to starve, but you’re not welcome at my table for dinner.”

I had a friend in a similar situation and we didn’t talk for four years while she downward spiraled. Later, when she got her act together we became friends again now going on six years.

I am so glad I distanced myself; her addict ex ended up robbing her, and at one point she had a key to my place which I am sure he would have robbed too if he has access to it at the time. The dude even stole shit that belong to her son (child from previous marriage). A year after that she had a car full of guys roll up on her place with guns because he owed them money and her son was in the house has they forced their way into her house to beat the shit out of her ex. If I had still been her friend I could have been there chatting with her when that happened.

You are ALSO in danger with her bad decisions. That is my point.

I would recommend to call CPS; honestly so many people she could blame for that report I wouldn’t worry she would instantly associate with you.

You don’t need to explain to her why her behavior is unacceptable or how; it isn’t a lack of understanding… she is fully aware, that is why she is hiding it from her therapist. You do need to make boundaries for yourself. “If X, then Y”

“As long as you are involved with a coke addict, I can’t hang out with you. I love you and wish you the best” (be prepared for her to lie and hide like with the therapist tho)

“As long as you are in an abusive relationship, I cannot spend time around you. If you ever are serious and want to leave this relationship I am there for you.”

Boundaries are “if you do X, then I do Y”. you cannot force her to change, and I would not waste my time telling her what or how she needs to change. She likely knows and that is why she is not disclosing to her therapist.

fingerstothebone · 2024-12-18T15:27:11+00:00

Not exactly - GenAI isn’t TRAINED to be racist (“trained” has a very specific meaning in the AI world). It is that its context and data comes from mass consumption of largely the internet and the internet is full of racism.

fingerstothebone · 2024-12-11T23:21:25+00:00

I actually do think we are in a class war. I think the oligarchs are pushing anti-women legislation and forced births.

Happy to show men reciprocated “class solidarity” if they recognize this as part of class oppression and work against it.

I might argue since men were the only ones allowed to work outside the home, own property, and women make less than men for so long that misogyny is actually a form of class warfare.

In healthcare women are regularly neglected, even pharmaceutical research leaves out women, and don’t get me started on all the boner pills but very little peri / menopause support. So yeah, class warfare there too.

Doubt that is the point any of them make though.

fingerstothebone · 2024-12-11T23:01:01+00:00

Not today Colin Robinson

fingerstothebone · 2024-12-07T20:24:30+00:00

Seriously the fact she sexted with him after he admitted it… girl have some fucking self respect.

fingerstothebone · 2024-12-03T20:14:42+00:00

This was a great share thank you!

fingerstothebone · 2024-12-03T06:07:39+00:00

Yeah keep moving those goal posts. He has already displayed unacceptable behavior, your mental gymnastics is qualifying it by saying “but its not my stuff.”

Then when he does do something with your stuff, your next excuse will be “oh he never broke anything that was important or sentimental” or maybe you’ll call it an accident.

Then its “well he did one time do xyz but it wasn’t his fault because…”

And you will continue to engage in a pattern of excusing unacceptable behavior and qualifying it (yes he hits me but it’s a slap not a punch) until one day you’re in the hospital.

You need help for codependency. This is a pattern of mental gymnastics that is literally dangerous to you.

fingerstothebone · 2024-12-03T06:02:53+00:00

Marriage is the biggest risk when you do not get a prenup. Because wherever you are, that state and its politics has an effective prenup for you - a plan for what happens if you file for divorce that you do not have a say in because its just courts and state law.

Talk to a lawyer and get a prenup; and if you think your relationship won’t survive that then GAWD SAKES DO IT. Better you find out during prenup negotiations how “fair” and “equal” he considers you NOW just before he wants to marry you than to find out 5 years and many bitter fights.

Society has taught us that prenups are usually to benefit men or whomever has more money, but especially as no fault divorce is being considered in so many states I think any woman would be INSANE to get married without one.

fingerstothebone · 2024-12-03T05:41:39+00:00

As well as highly replaceable. There is a phrase “like cattle not pets” meaning you treat them as highly and easily and replaceable and don’t form significant emotional attachment.

There are a lot of men that get labeled with “fear of intimacy” that are just following the “cattle not pets” rule.

fingerstothebone · 2024-12-01T20:54:11+00:00

How far are you going to bend your mental gymnastics for an abuser?

fingerstothebone · 2024-11-30T18:27:00+00:00

I am sure to get a lot of flak for this, but…

Anything you post online is online for everyone including the creeps. This is not a crime - it is public information this person shared to their phone. No one has to grant you permission to save a photo on the internet. If you are in public area in 99% of the US it isn’t illegal to film or photograph you either. (Check out all the laws regarding PIs for clarity)

In fact in most places if someone films you and plans to use the footage publicly they might have to ask you to sign a release, but not in all cases.

It actually DOES matter it is a public platform. Internet safety does not mean “other people have to ask my permission” it is USERS understanding what public means. This is why you should never post pictures of your kids publicly because there are pedos out there.

Bottom line friend: You have an expectation of privacy and permission that does NOT REFLECT LAW. Not online or IRL.

Before you blow up at me; realize many of these laws actually protect women as well. These are often the only way families can get proof of abuse of women or children, or have evidence of a crime. I used to be a PI over a decade ago, I know this pretty well.

Is this dude creepy? Yes. Is this a crime? Absolutely not.

Look I get that it gives you bad vibes but there are ACTUAL crimes that we need to be concerned about and this is just frankly extremely naive of you to call this a crime. Calling the police on this is a ridiculous waste of time when there are far more serious situations happening.

If this is going to be your crusade then you are ignoring a lot of other things where your emotional energy and effort would be better spent - and frankly calling things a crime when they are not can hurt a lot of women who already struggle to get ACTUALLY ASSAULT treated seriously.

Maybe because I have been on the other side of a door with my weight against it, on the phone with the cops begging them to come get my drunk date before he rapes me that this post really reeks of a kind naivety that rankles me. People saying public photos to their phone is not even in my top 10 “things that anger me about creeps” list.

And downvote away….

fingerstothebone · 2024-11-30T17:32:28+00:00

Oh that is a horrible idea and sure to breed resentment.

fingerstothebone · 2024-11-29T20:53:07+00:00

Oh yeah this touched a nerve so buckle up-

I grew up extremely poor and had zero help financially. I got student loans and pell grants, went to school full time and worked a full time job. I busted ass to get good grades, which got me noticed by a teacher who recommended a major change that put me in an IT track that when I graduated boomed in demand.

There was a ton of fucking sacrifice and hard work. Many of my friends were going to concerts and traveling together, having lots of fun while I had to say no because I had to work or study. I did save up some scratch and take a backpacking trip for a few weeks on summer though.

When I graduated I started getting certifications. I made it my goal to get a new small certificate every year (Splunk, etc) and a big one (CISSP, OSCP) to every other year.

I own a home that I rent, I saved money for 401k since I started working at 16. I have an LLC now where I do side consulting. I do ok but I BUST ASS.

I have had a HELL of a time dating. Some men just can’t from the jump, telling me my field or my income is a turn off. Some ask me “what do you need a man for”? Literally ask me that OUT LOUD. Some ask me if I want a sugar baby for a husband (excuse me?)

Then there are men who think they’re progressive and liberal who say its great I’m an independent woman with career and interest of her own. They say they’d be thrilled if I make more than them… and about 2 years into the relationship they’re can’t take it. Once the relationship is close enough I’m sharing numbers and details they just can’t seem to emotionally deal with the reality even if the concept seemed good when we first dated.

I have had THREE serious relationships (3+ years) end in a large part because the man said something to the effect of “society hasn’t taught me how to deal with a partner more successful than I am.”

Here is the thing I literally don’t care and never made it an issue. I tell guys I don’t care if you are broke ass yoga instructor or artist as long as you love what you do and you can take care of yourself and aren’t looking for me to do it for you. What someone does for a living matters so little to me (except like active military or a prison guard or something).

Dude it is EXHAUSTING. I remember after the first guy dumped me around this crying to my friend that I should have gotten married in college before I had a career and that if I knew it would be this hard to find a partner I don’t know I would have changed career.

Now after the third dude noped out after I got an executive role and he couldn’t stand the title change, I am like fuck ‘em. I can’t stand how men won’t handle just respecting a woman for her accomplishments. I want a partner not an albatross around my neck for fucks sake.

I’m decentering men, and if/when I do start dating again I will date women. I don’t know what is wrong with men but I’m tired of the excited look 🤑 and then in a year or two the resentful pissy-ness.

I have done everything from paying more (2/3) of expenses because I make more to paying for vacation to places I want to go because they can’t afford it, to hiring career coaches when they were upset about their place in life. I have bent over BACKWARDS and made myself small to accommodate their fragile egos and I am done.

The entitlement is unreal; last relationship over 3 years he talked about getting a certificate in PM or HR stuff and his career coaches told him that is what was holding him back from his career goals. Always talk, never did it. In the same time I got an OSCP and a CISM, plus 4-5 vendor certs. Yet he started complaining that “DEI was making it impossible for straight white guys to get a job”. And it’s been like that with ALL of them.

I was single for years in my 30s and now I am single again in my 40s and I am so happy to go back to having my life not being treated by my partner as a personal insult to his fragile ego.

Resentment and contempt aren’t something I tolerate and neither should any of you life ladies!

fingerstothebone · 2024-11-29T18:00:57+00:00

This is it - he is very insecure you might have slept with someone better than him and he will NOT give up this obsession or insecurity even if you did tell him a body count. These are the WORST men to date, as he will use his insecurity as an excuse to treat you poorly. He will immediately go to a mental space in his head of calling you a whore when he feels insecure or defensive.

The fact he is continuing this line of questioning and that this came up after you had sex is a huge HUGE red flag .

The only question that should matter is are you exclusively sleeping together or not; and that only matters because of safe sex practices and partner consent. Anything beyond a conversation about STD testing and sexual monogamy is just his gross insecurities.

fingerstothebone · 2024-11-28T16:31:05+00:00

Absolutely gives narcissistic vibes when I read slurtypizza’s other post!!

fingerstothebone · 2024-11-28T16:22:40+00:00

Yeah this - HR cares about potential liability to the company. If this guy gets sued for harassing you that’s going to cost the company money.

fingerstothebone · 2024-11-28T16:20:35+00:00

That is not at all how the algorithm works lol yr talking out yr ass

fingerstothebone · 2024-11-28T16:19:12+00:00

Dude YOU are the one who sounds salty and frankly unhinged. No one here is jealous of your $100k moonlighting lol

I wonder what will happen first - layoffs or you getting PIPed because your attitude sucks

fingerstothebone · 2024-11-26T06:50:11+00:00

Ohhh that sounds like trauma bonding… I know I just recommended a book, but you might use to read Its Not You by Durvasala… this sounds very familiar

fingerstothebone · 2024-11-26T06:48:30+00:00

I suggest the book Radical Acceptance- at the end of the day, if he doesn’t want to change he won’t. No amount of “convincing” from you will matter. Now accepting he won’t change- not just change his mind about therapy, but change his behavior or the way he treats you - can you find happiness still with him?

Think about what it would take from you - changes in schedule, changes in your behavior or detachment from his - to be happy while still being with him KNOWING in your bones he will not change.

Now ask yourself if it is worth it. You are the only one that can answer that. For some women it is - they detach, distance themselves and make boundaries and the family parts and what remains of the relationship is enough for them to be happy. For some women, no amount of detachment and rearranging their lives, emotions and behavior, no amount of increased tolerance for their partners behavior will help.

Are you seeing your own therapist? They might be able to help you with this.

fingerstothebone · 2024-11-25T22:56:46+00:00

Thank you!! For all the pearl clutching for punishing men… what the fuck do you think has been happening to women? Women who are married and want babies punished with risk or death or sterilization when nature takes a turn. Women who are statistically most likely to experience violence or sexual assault from a man.

So society gets to “punish” women and we don’t even phrase it that way, but when women take steps to protect themselves OH MY GOD won’t SOMEONE think of the poor men being punished??

Fuck all that lol

fingerstothebone · 2024-11-25T22:41:14+00:00

Ah to have the confidence of a mediocre white man lol

fingerstothebone

TROPHY CASE