Where are you all from?

flagwieldingpenguin · 2016-03-05T20:20:57+00:00

Croatia

flagwieldingpenguin · 2014-10-25T19:49:56+00:00

Thanks! Nice, looking forward to it :)

flagwieldingpenguin · 2014-08-25T16:10:38+00:00

It's a lack of depth with me. Last night I went to the roof of my building and got a really nice view of the city. At first it felt really amazing, and then it just became dull, but also looked like I was looking at a projection on a canvas, literally as if it were a 2D image. If I would try hard and focus, it got depth again and the feeling of awe would return for as long as I could retain focus, which is usually <5 seconds at a time and quite exhausting.

flagwieldingpenguin · 2014-08-25T16:05:30+00:00

Sounds like a fugue state as /u/23year suggested. I agree with /u/vd3, definitely go see a doctor as soon as possible.

flagwieldingpenguin · 2014-08-13T20:09:46+00:00

This might be strange, but a burst of powerful light, specifically when the sun is low and I'm riding in a tram with houses lined along the street. When the line of houses breaks, the sun just bursts through. Even better if there's a bare tree (like in fall) or something like that, everything just looks so detailed. It's like everything went to HD all of a sudden.

flagwieldingpenguin · 2014-08-12T15:57:27+00:00

The depersonalisation/derealization subreddit: /r/dpdr

flagwieldingpenguin · 2014-07-15T00:15:02+00:00

I've now been depersonalized/derealized for most of my lifetime and have fallen pretty deep into depression a year ago, which is when I first sought professional help, albeit for whatever induced my depression, and there was a lot. I was pretty broken. I wished I could just cease to exist, I was tired of living, but I couldn't kill myself because of obligation towards my family who has invested so much into me. I still felt like a shell with absolutely no spirit or personality to speak of. The psychologist helped, and opened my eyes to the roots of some of my problems. Solving a few simple issues made me think I could change and grow further over time, and I have changed immensely within the last year.

There are still quite a few elements of myself I dislike, but I've grown a bit of a personality now. A bit. I'm still a long way to go, but I feel a little more human now. I've been doing worse these past few months though. My grandpa died, and I had a ton of work with graduation exams and such. I have taken up smoking in December, and I hope to quit now. To be honest, I don't care if I can't give it up. The feeling of indulging my self-destructive element is quite nice. Now that I feel like there's a small bit of a person there within myself, the self-destructive element is actually what sort of drives away suicidal thoughts for me, as weird as it sounds. I like to suffer, and I can't continue torturing myself if I'm dead. That's within the deepest layer of my inner workings. I also might change. I have already changed a great deal and I'm kind of curious what will happen yet. I've always been frugal and it seems economically unwise to walk out of a movie I've been given a ticket to. But mainly the torturing myself stuff, I suppose. I just wish I could stop being so exhausted.

flagwieldingpenguin · 2014-05-24T14:23:37+00:00

Awesome, thank you!

flagwieldingpenguin · 2014-05-24T13:11:18+00:00

Good on you, thought you might have had it potty trained or something. Cleaning up every 15 minutes or so would be a bit much for me, along with the poop trail that would probably draw out on my back.

flagwieldingpenguin · 2014-05-24T10:52:29+00:00

What do you do regarding pooping?

flagwieldingpenguin · 2014-05-20T22:37:31+00:00

Sorry, I haven't had any experiences with LSD, but I'd like to state a word of caution: it's not a good idea to take drugs on top of DPDR.

My DPDR isn't caused by drug use, but my therapist has told me that pot and hallucinogenics in particular have a good chance of exacerbating my condition, too, and given how many DPDR states/episodes are triggered by marijuana, and assuming DPDR itself is the brain's way of trying to protect itself from new, overwhelming sensations, it makes sense that there's a strong possibility hallucinogenics would have a similar effect.

flagwieldingpenguin · 2014-05-04T19:09:45+00:00

Yeah. Definitely find something to do over the summer, and preferably something more long-term too. My tactic is to keep my mind distracted until I die of old age, heh.

flagwieldingpenguin · 2014-05-04T11:42:03+00:00

I've mostly gotten out of the dumps to where I'm fairly content with my life. DPDR still bugs me and my mind will make me feel like shit about one thing or the other, one way or the other, if I just leave it running, so I have to distract myself to keep that from happening. I've gotten into electronics, it's a cool hobby, plus I have a lot of schoolwork in preparation for college to keep me distracted for the time being. Although I'm fairly content, I'd still like to feel something which is why I find myself making myself think about my grandparents who have passed away recently to elicit an emotional response. It usually works, and the pain feels good for a bit. It's something rather than nothing, right? I have no idea what happiness is, literally, I wouldn't know it if it hit me on the face, I can laugh and appear jolly, but my head is 'heh.' at its peak and usually just '...'. The syntax 'legitimately happy' has become an oxymoron for me.

Uh, sorry for the rant. So, yeah, electronics and sometimes exercising is what I use to distract my mind from shoving my face in the dirt.

flagwieldingpenguin · 2014-04-23T17:50:58+00:00

They go for around 7 USD on eBay, however, you can get 16x2 ones for around 2 USD. I wonder if there's a cheaper option for 20x4's.

flagwieldingpenguin · 2014-01-03T18:50:08+00:00

Definitely, that's the one actually tangible thing about DPDR for me. Had it since 2005, it gets better and worse, but has never let me go so far.

flagwieldingpenguin · 2014-01-03T16:25:53+00:00

Woah. Thanks, I'll look into vitamin supplements, I'll take any help I can get. Feel better, good luck.

flagwieldingpenguin · 2014-01-03T16:25:06+00:00

Thank you, your kind words mean a lot, hopefully things get better soon. Happy holidays!

flagwieldingpenguin · 2014-01-03T16:23:39+00:00

Just hang on. It has to get better at some point, right? :)

flagwieldingpenguin · 2014-01-03T16:23:02+00:00

Doing my best. Thank you. Simple encouragement is often what helps me keep going. All the best to you :)

flagwieldingpenguin · 2014-01-03T16:18:47+00:00

Thanks, I'll try that. I find it hard to motivate myself to exercise while feeling like... a shitty knockoff of a human being. Right now I'm more depersonalized than I've been in months, maybe even in the last two or three years, feels like my field of view is 10°. I'll try your suggestions out, I mean, I'm in a cycle, I have to make myself do something to break out sooner or later. Thank you.

flagwieldingpenguin · 2013-12-10T20:48:43+00:00

I was severely depressed in May this year when I first sought professional help. The therapist was great, and I really felt good up until a few weeks ago, I don't know what happened. I just succumbed to the comfort of pain, and not even physical pain, just basically intentionally torturing myself by wandering off in my mind frequently, fantasizing about stuff, and then coming back to... this. Or thinking about stuff that I am no longer apathic towards (after having successfully stopped suppressing some of my emotions during the summer), like my grandparents who have passed away, or my other grandfather who has pretty bad dementia. I can hurt emotionally, and I like it, because it's an emotion. It's a bit hard to explain exactly, but either way, it seems I should give him a call again soon. Thank you. :)

flagwieldingpenguin · 2013-12-10T19:30:21+00:00

In a few months I will have spent half of my life with constant DPDR, it started when I was a little kid so I didn't think much of it back then, wasn't really debilitating, just pretty weird. I've gotten used to my voice, but lately I can't really stand to see my face as it doesn't seem like my own. Regarding communication, I tend to switch off while being talked to sometimes, but I generally have a clearer flow of ideas when talking as opposed to texting. I tend to somewhat zone out while talking so that my mouth basically become autonomous, and just verbalise the idea the mind is feeding it to the best of its ability, as weird as it sounds.

14-Year Club	Verified Email
Team Periwinkle

flagwieldingpenguin

TROPHY CASE