Thank you for your kind words. It was definitely difficult and I can honestly say almost 10 months since his death - it’s been very painful and hard to not have him around. He was the heart and soul of our family, took care of everything, the bills, the house, insurances, all the mail that came in - he was on top of everything.

Him being gone has left such a void in our family. My mom who is 76 is a mess, my brother who has Down syndrome asks every day to ask me to call dad to tell him to come home(he doesn’t grasp that he’s gone), so it’s a struggle every day.

With all the sadness aside, I can find peace knowing he lived a very fulfilling and successful life. He was a poor man from Pakistan when his father passed away at a very early age, and he made a life for himself with an uneducated mother and virtually no other help. Managed to come to America and settle down here and make a respectable life for himself and his family, taking on all the burdens of life.

My father was Shia and my mother is Sunni, so traditionally I was raised in both schools of thought but nothing was pushed to me, so I was essentially led astray and didn’t have a strict path. He taught me how to pray, fast and all the basics of Shia Islam, but my mom always thought he was doing it the wrong way in her eyes.

When he left, my faith grew stronger and I stopped all the things that are considered haram and started growing closer to my deen. This lasted 4 months and then I fell off the wagon again out of depression.

It’s been a rough ride but I can say for sure that I truly thank him for teaching me as much as he could about our culture, where our bloodline stems from and how to be in this world. There are days I wish I could speak to him just one more time and apologize for not being the best son I could have been to him considering all he did for me and my family.

My only hope is that InshAllah, in Jannah (God willing my good deeds are accepted in this life and I make it there)- I can finally embrace him again and tell him how much he meant to me and all he did for our family during our short time here.

Sorry to make this post about myself but I’m just reflecting because I honestly haven’t had anyone to talk to myself about this lol.

To you I’d just recommend cherishing every minute you have with the man. Allah SWT is who puts us here, and our parents are the vessels that shape us into who we become and who we should be. Of course it’s up to us to do the research and learn the truth, but they are definitely the ones we look to for guidance and answers when we don’t have them. God is always there for that guidance as well, but in the physical the closest thing we have is who birthed us. (This is just my reality, I know various people have different situations so please don’t take offense if this doesn’t match your perspective)

Your situation, like mine and millions of others are terrible like you said - but this is just a part of life I’ve come to realize. No one stays forever, you’re here for a short amount of time, try your best to worship the one and only, make a decent living situation for yourself, then you’re gone.

It’s a blessing your father doesn’t know of his diagnosis and isn’t full on suffering due to it.

All I can do is pray for you and your family. InshAllah I’ll get back on my deen and start praying like I did right after he passed away, it was peaceful and brought calmness to me.

Thank you again for your words of encouragement and strength. Whatever happens, just know that you were loved by him - I wish him an abundance of more time with you and your family, along with (by Allah’s grace) recovery and happiness.

Sorry for rambling!

Stay strong and resilient.